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Original poster

Feeling lonely this Christmas

8 replies

Lost12 · 28/12/2019 15:48

I feel so awful and lonely this Christmas. Not sure why I am posting really, maybe to see if anyone else is in the same boat and can share in what it feels like.

I have a DP but they work a lot. Love their job and spend most of their time at work, mainly out of choice.

My kids are with their dad now and we have shared care of them.

I don't have any friends at all. I did have one friend but they have distanced themselves a lot and I've only seen them three times this year. They have begun not really texting and the friendship is starting to fade away. This repeatedly happens to me and I dont have any long term friendships at all.

I had a neglected childhood and didn't learn how to form friendships so dont really have the skills to do it. I feel especially low because someone else I considered a friend this week made a comment that made me realise they aren't a friend at all.

My DP has lots of friends but is reluctant to allow me to meet with some of their friends, despite us being together for years and therefore making friends with their friends isn't really an option.

I have spent most of xmas alone. I saw my family for 2 hours- we are not close.

I am back at work next week but don't have any close friendships there either. Then there is new years day which will be spent alone.

I really am trying to make some friends. I go to meetup- even went to one today but train was delayed so got there too late and it had ended so that has made me feel even lower.

I am in counselling for this and I am trying to put myself out there as much as possible but I think I must come across as cold or rude because It never changes.

Does anyone else feel like this? I think xmas makes it so much worse when you see everyone else with friends and family.

edited by MNHQ at OP's request

OP posts:

Original poster

Lost12 · 28/12/2019 15:51

Sorry for some reason it didn't paragraph.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lost12 · 28/12/2019 15:52

I feel so awful and lonely this Christmas. Not sure why I am posting really, maybe to see if anyone else is in the same boat and can share in what it feels like.

I have a DP but they work a lot. Love their job and spend most of their time at work, mainly out of choice.
My kids are with their dad now and we have shared care of them.

My DP has lots of friends but is reluctant to allow me to meet with some of their friends, despite us being together for years and therefore making friends with their friends isn't really an option.

I have spent most of xmas alone. I saw my family for 2 hours- we are not close.

I am back at work next week but don't have any close friendships there either. Then there is new years day which will be spent alone.

I really am trying to make some friends. I go to meetup- even went to one today but train was delayed so got there too late and it had ended so that has made me feel even lower.

I am in counselling for this and I am trying to put myself out there as much as possible but I think I must come across as cold or rude because It never changes.

Does anyone else feel like this? I think xmas makes it so much worse when you see everyone else with friends and family.

OP posts:

MNHQ

LouMumsnet · 28/12/2019 16:11

OP, sorry to hear that you're having a rough time right now.

We've now edited your opening post, adding in paragraphs for you . We hope that helps but do let us know if we can help further.

And in the meantime, we hope you get some useful advice and support on here.

Take care.

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Events & celebrations

Original poster

Lost12 · 28/12/2019 17:14

Thanks loumumsnet.
Anyone else feeling like this?

OP posts:

minesagin37 · 28/12/2019 17:18

I didn't want to read and run. I just wanted to say that even in a crowded room someone can feel lonely. Perhaps your relationship may not be helping those feelings. It sounds like he is isolating you more than you need to be.

YogaLite · 28/12/2019 17:26

I know how u feel.
Very lonely here too, no family on my side and rejected by my oh's. Had to make own friends, but not seen any over Christmas.
My life is mostly spent on dealing with disabled dc, that's the only thing we have in common with oh.

SidSparrow · 28/12/2019 17:33

I'm not feeling like this, but I can relate to the feeling like you can't form close friendships due to your childhood. I have had many a sad and lonely Christmas and only up until a few years ago I was ready to throw the towel in. I don't mean suicide, but just giving up in life. I had already kinda given up but was admitting it to myself that being on my own was how my life was going to be. I was very very sad and very very down. I had people around me but it mattered little as within me something was missing - the ability to feel an emotional connection. I feel very grateful that this changed but I would still say that in terms of friendships things are lacking, but I do have a family and for that I am so grateful. I am awaiting counselling because of childhood neglect. Being a parent when you had that sort of childhood is difficult. I know most people probably feel that being a parent is scary even with an average upbringing, but I constantly feel so unsure of myself and that I am way out on a limb and being a parent makes me realise just how lonely my childhood was. I feel sad for my former self. Before having my family I didn't give it too much thought (because I was either drunk or hungover).

My advice would be to take stock of what you have got and what you've achieved so far. Friendships will come in time, just remember to be yourself. Friendships are like relationships, sometimes they aren't meant to be. And don't give yourself to people who don't deserve it. Stick with the counselling, all this stuff just takes time. Best wishes to you

Mooserp · 28/12/2019 17:35

Yes I feel very lonely too. I'm divorced, kids are adults now and do their own thing. I work from home on my own and have no family nearby. Like you, I've struggled to make friends and lost a lot of social connections through the divorce.

I think it feels worse at this time of year, when there's so much said about spending time with friends and family. And people say how busy they are. I feel like I'm the only person on their own and that it's because I'm unlikeable

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