I'm a nan at 36 and just found out I'm pregnant

[Mavric]

Sorry if it's a long winded post but I'm literally cracking up ... Bit of background my eldest is 17 youngest is 12 middle child whose 14 my eldest has a child whose 2 months old , my 14 yr old child is under camhs at the moment for suicidal thoughts due to bullying think it's important to point out that my 14 yr old hasn't attempted suicide not do they self harm however the thoughts have been there therapy does seem to be helping a little however it's a long road ahead . I have been on the injection pill for a number of years with no problems I haven't actually had a period for at least 2 years but 2 weeks ago my boobs felt a bit tender and thought ooh I must be coming on thought nothing else of it then couple of days later no sign of a period and I was even more sore and tender so whilst I was out shopping I grabbed a pregnancy test didn't think for one minute it would be positive I just wanted to put my mind at rest however the test was positive I stayed in the toilets for around 15 minutes crying because well I was in shock but also scared how would I tell my partner of nearly 20 yrs because we decided after our youngest 12 yrs ago we didn't really want anymore children we both work full time and have pretty much planned our future , So I booked in a bpas to have a termination without even discussing it with my partner as I believed it would be what he wanted it turns out I'm 5 weeks pregnant so very early stages and my appointment to go through with the procedure was yesterday I couldn't do it ! I sat down and spoke with my partner 5 minutes before my appointment yesterday as it was really getting to me until eventually I broke down in tears he's been so supportive and said the decision is mine to make and that he will be behind me 100% so yesterday I got to the clinic but when it came to it I couldn't do it , but now I'm sat here in absolute turmoil because I don't know what to do for the best I feel kind of I dunno what word would describe it but think people would judge me for been a nan and been pregnant .

If people do judge they are idiots! 36 is a perfectly normal age to be pregnant and loads of the mums at baby group will be similar ages. It'll be a talking point later on to have a grandchild whose aunt/uncle is younger than they are, but it's not that uncommon. I used to work with a woman who was pregnant for almost exactly the same time as her daughter - they gave birth within weeks of each other!

It does sound like a shock and a big deal, but if you do on balance decide to go ahead, you will find a way.

I think it is more unusual these days to be a grandmother at 36 than a mother so don’t worry about your age.

The decision is yours totally. Some people might judge, but they are idiots.

A friend of mine had her DD at age 18, then her second child at 33. 2 years later she became a grandmother when her DD fell pregnant at 17. They are a lovely family.

Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

I know a handful of people who have DC the same age or younger than their Grandchildren. One friend of mine recently gave birth 3 weeks before her daughter.
A relative of mine is going to become a Great Grandad in Feb. He's mid 50s. His children range from 7-39 and his Grandchildren from 3-18.

It's perfectly normal to have a baby at 36. Nan or not.
Your daughter had her child when she was young so it's not an unusual situation.

Why would anyone judge.

I think you need to break this down for yourself into all the separate bits that are going on.

First and foremost you are pregnant and you need to look after your own health. 36 is a normal age to have a baby, and I'm so glad your DP is being supportive. So you're a nan too, there's no problem with that either, you'll always have a ready babysitter with your eldest DD as long as you return the favour!

I was on the depo injection for a long time. It worked for 5 years and then stopped almost overnight. DD2 arrived soon after!

Your other DD is being supported by professionals, and you need to enhance the support that they are putting in place for her by just being there and being her mum. You can do that.

I wish you all the luck in the world xx

I wouldn't judge you at all. Who's business is it anyway? You're only 36, that's not old!

Your partner sounds supportive so that helps. You don't want to terminate do you?

I can imagine it's a huge shock! What do you want to do? Do you want this baby? Everything else is not relevant especially as your partner is supportive.

What anyone else thinks is just that their opinion ... Seriously 36 is not an unusual age to be a mum. People will comment on anything and everything so don't worry about that. My child was telling me the other day that his friend has an uncle in the year below at same school... My reaction... Made me smile (that's it)... Its also not that unusual in big families.. My DH has a uncle 18 months older than him who is younger than one of his siblings. It happens... I actually think its really nice and gels a family together generation wise.

Whatever you choose remember you have your partners support and there is no wrong decision just different pathways to choose. Offering a virtual hand hold and hug and think you are both so brave. X

You sound in a better position to have this dc than most people!

Your body, your choice.

You sound like you’d welcome another baby.

My DD had this situation with 2 children in her class, one was uncle to the other. TBH, they were more like cousins and nobody really thought anything of it, other than it was quite an interesting fact.

I had my second at 38. 36 is a perfectly normal age to have a baby.

Also, fuck what other people think. If they judge you in that way, they're really not worth paying any attention to.

What do you want, regardless of what others might think? That's what's important.

Congratulations, it’s not that uncommon .

Anyone who judges you isn’t worth giving a second thought to.

Yes, it’s a bit of a quirky family situation, but it’s hardly the first time this has happened.

It’s your decision, just don’t let what other people may or may not think about you Influence your decision.

Good luck

I have a sibling just over a year younger than my eldest DC and know quite a few families with similar set ups, no judgement. At least it's not been said out loud!

It's not that unusual.

Who gives a fuck what people think. for you x

I probably wouldn't want another with the such an age difference, but 36 isn't an unusual age to be pregnant.

Meh! I know loads of grandparents who have very young children/babies themselves.

I'm not sure why you care.

My sister had her 3rd boy at 44! Plus two aunt and a cousin were similar ages having their last! In one case the age gap between the baby and the next eldest sibling was 17 years!

Dsis had her first at 46, me at 37. First try each time.

You are young. Why the surprise?

TipsyMalone, the OP said she's worried about being judged.

She didn't say she's interested in anyone's verdict

I think people will be more judgemental about you being a nan at 36, rather than a mother TBH.

Thank you all for your lovely support and advice can't thank you enough , I know I shouldn't care what others think ! I've got some serious thinking to do xx