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Original poster

does anyone feel utterly sad...is this depression or post viral blues

51 replies

Gatekeeper · 26/12/2019 17:08

After a month long virus and a difficult year I woke up a few days feeling unbearably sad and yesterday cried my eyes out in the loo. I've been crying off and on today as well and feel awful- almost bereft

Dreading my darling girl leaving for uni next year, dreading ds doing the same in 2 years. I'm 56 and feel like life is slipping away with old age and illness/death looming. Sounds daft and pathetic but I can't shake this off...dread, melancholy. Normally I am content with life but I'm suddenly afraid

OP posts:
Original poster
Gatekeeper · 26/12/2019 17:55

anyone?

OP posts:
Queenparsnip · 26/12/2019 18:03

I'd guess most likely to do with your virus. I'm feeling pretty fed up and out of sorts. Give it a couple of days and see how you feel. Getting outside always helps me. Can you focus on something nice that's happening in the new year or throw yourself into making sure dd's transition to uni is as smooth as possible. Try a gratitude diary but be kind to yourself. It can be a difficult time of year especially when you've been ill.

springydaff · 26/12/2019 18:25

Sounds like post viral blues to me.

Take some of that build up stuff - floradix?

And take it easy. Spoil yourself. This will pass Flowers

morningmarigold · 26/12/2019 21:18

I've been feeling like this too. I have had a lingering virus which is gradually getting better. But I think it is the time of year when you can't help but reflect on things and unfortunately, in general I am a glass half empty sort of person. I also suffer a bit from anxiety and I am beginning to dwell about the sort of things that you've mentioned (I'm a bit younger mid forties and my children are a bit younger than yours but yes, same sort of maudlin thoughts about time passing by etc.)

absopugginglutely · 26/12/2019 21:45

I have had a flu virus and have also had thick, treacle-like depression for the past few days to go with it Sad
I think it’s just a time of year for reflection, if you’re in you’re fifties you could still have over forty years of beautiful times, grandchildren, travel, freedoms etc.
Fill up your self care bucket and spend some time with friends, that has helped me today Flowers

absopugginglutely · 26/12/2019 21:45

Your**

ShamefulBlanket · 26/12/2019 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeriComoToes · 26/12/2019 22:07

Menopause?

Ohdear3 · 26/12/2019 22:14

Plus Christmas time is always loaded
take care of yourself

morningmarigold · 26/12/2019 22:44

Pericomo. I suspect it has something to do with the perimenopause in my case. Apparently it is a bit of phenomenon - had a bit of mid life contemplation recently but thankfully recognised it for what it was before I did anything outrageous! Christmas definitely has something to do with it - we have no extended family to speak of (lovely immediate family) but wishing there was someone on the end of the phone if I needed them. So several things going on I think. Panicking about something happening to my dh (who is a fair bit older than me) then panicking about something happening to both of us and leaving dc alone. Looks like I've got anxiety in the mix too. Joy. I have arranged some counselling for the start of the New Year and will probably visit GP.

nevergotthehangofturkeys · 26/12/2019 22:57

Hormones, or the lack of them (!) are almost certainly involved. I am also in my fifties with DCs of similar age, and have recently been struggling with a kind of low level constant worrying as my emotional drumbeat. Fear that my elder one is making a big mistake with her choices, fear that my younger one will not pass his exams or cope with growing up, fear that mine or DH's health may go downhill, fear that work may do the dirty on either of us, fear about doing stuff, fear about not doing stuff, fear about the state of the planet. It's a horrible Hydra headed monster that really needs to be shoved back in its place or it will strangle me half to death. Sad

I think in your case illness and lack of daylight aren't helping either. A trip to the GP, if you have a helpful one, might be an idea. And getting yourself out for a brisk walk each day, if it ever stops raining, can help you not spiral downwards.

Horsemad · 26/12/2019 23:53

I think your worries/concerns are valid but they are normal.
It really smacks you in the face when you get that realisation of your DC going away to uni etc. The passage of time hits home. I felt exactly the same when mine went.

Make sure you are getting enough sleep, good food and get out for a decent walk every day.

If you still feel like this in a couple of weeks then a trip to your GP might be a good idea.

milliefiori · 26/12/2019 23:57

Could be post viral, or SAD midwinter blues can be severe. Could be hormonal. I am feeling horribly clingy towards my DC who are same age as yours (and I'm similar age to you.)
I agree that it would help to have some supplements after a virus - Floradix.. Vit D spray, B-complex.
Get out for an hour around midday for some day light.
Make a list of some things you want to do with your life once DC are gone.
And a list of things you'll feel good about achieving or want to try in 2020.

milliefiori · 27/12/2019 00:01

@nevergotthehangofturkeys - I love your description of menopausal anxiety as hydra-headed. That's exactly it. Fear of growing old and getting ill, fear of DC's choices, fear of their future, fear for the planet, for the future of politics and on and on. It's very common, which shouldn't be a comfort but it does at least put it in perspective.

TheMarbleFaun · 27/12/2019 08:56

Glad I'm not alone in feeling like this
I am menopausal (48) with small children and HRT has definitely helped with the anxiety but still an overwhelming feeling of sadness I'm not sure if it's the weather or time of year (Christmas makes me melancholy anyway)
Definitely going to try & get back on the vitamins and out in the air for a bit today
Flowers for everyone

morningmarigold · 27/12/2019 11:40

I just feel like I'm a bundle of fear. I will never forget how my grandmother cried with loneliness years after my grandfather died, it has sort of stuck with me. Looking at my dcs and knowing that impinging on their lives when they are adults is not going to be good, plus I won't know where they will be living etc. I am sahm and never really had a career, I think getting some sort of job when little dc starts pre-school might be helpful. I'm just getting the feeling that nothing is ever going to be good enough, like I'm filling in time if that makes sense. I do have a couple of hobbies that I enjoy and a few friends (whom I don't see all that often) and I'm just scared of the unknown. Agree walking in the fresh air does help.

morningmarigold · 27/12/2019 12:29

And what's more I feel utterly guilty for feeling like this when I know there are people out there who are without family just getting on with things. Also, it feels like a vicious circle - would you really go out of your way to be with someone who is miserable rather than upbeat? It feels like I've got myself into a right mess. Miserable weather not helping, I'm sure.

Original poster
Gatekeeper · 27/12/2019 14:50

thanks everyone so much for replying...I'm having a really bad day and keep going in the loo to cry...I DON'T want my dd to see my like this and feel guilty for wanting to spread her wings- I love her so much and love her company

@morningmarigold your post resonated with me. I was sahm for many years but looking back this isolated me to the extent where I have no friends now . This Christmas has been filled regrets and wishings I had done things differently but I can't continue to wallow.

I'm giving myself two weeks to pull round or I'm going to talk to my GP. IN meantime I'm doing some exercise each day and have contacted local WI asking when their meetings are

Bloody hard though esp when this is not me...I am normally content with my lot but dd going to uni seems to have triggered something in me that I need to address

Not easy being human! Off to the loo now for cry session no 130

OP posts:
Original poster
Gatekeeper · 27/12/2019 14:52

and Flowers and love for everyone on this post

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Horsemad · 27/12/2019 14:58

PM'd you Gatekeeper. Flowers

morningmarigold · 27/12/2019 15:21

Oh Gatekeeper, I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling this way xxx I know that on the run up to Christmas I was walking in the dark a couple of evenings and crying and coming back so my dcs wouldn't see me like this. Contacting the W.I is spookily something that I have recently thought about doing. There are various local activities running during the day (walking groups, book groups etc.) but I can't get to them because I have toddler dc - even if I got out for a few hours, I figure it would a) give me some adult company and b) some other focus. I don't regret being there for the dcs but I know there is going to come a point when I'm going to have to sort stuff out for me, just worried I'm going to get too depressed and end up in a huddle.

Horsemad · 27/12/2019 15:32

I know when I had flu a few years back, it took ages for me to feel on an even keel again afterwards.

Everything was a slog, I felt so down.

milliefiori · 28/12/2019 09:39

OP, we are so programmed in our society to frown on crying and think of it as a really negative sign that something is wrong and needs to be repressed or medicated. But maybe it's a release. A sort of cleansing process. Sometimes we cry out of sheer overload of emotion - good or bad. This is the biggest shift in your life for years. Your child has become an adult. You are now responsible for your own life and happiness again, and can prioritise it over hers. That's pretty earth-shattering shift. I'd cry just through shock, I think. It's OK to feel upset.

I'd maybe tell her in case she's overheard and is fretting about you. Just say, if she hears you crying, it's because you are hormonal and not to worry about it, you are absolutely fine long term and making plans for fun things to do in the new year.

Original poster
Gatekeeper · 28/12/2019 16:59

thank you everyone- you are all lovely

I've gone out for walks the last couple of days and done a a spot of exercise. Hasn't helped but at least i will be getting a bit fitter!

I have a horrible tendency to overthink and I feel that this horrible feeling is the catalyst that is making me rethink my life a little and make changes. Last thing I want is for my dd to worry and fret about me

Planning some lovely things for us to do in the New year and in the meantime we have all really enjoyed playing several games of Uno the last couple of evenings

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morningmarigold · 28/12/2019 20:58

Hi Gatekeeper, I hope you're doing okay. I am trying desperately hard to focus on the here and now but my anxiety has gone off the scale and I need to return to the GP shortly I think to discuss medication. There are lots of negative news reports around at the moment and I seem to be absorbing everything. My dc3 is coming up to 2 so I can't believe this is pnd related but I'm convinced I've just entered peri-menopause but it is unravelling everything - I had a really bad spell like this a few years ago - when I think my dc 2 was a similar age to dc3 so it could very well be hormone related in my case.

Have you had any more thoughts about possible changes?