does anyone feel utterly sad...is this depression or post viral blues

[Gatekeeper]

After a month long virus and a difficult year I woke up a few days feeling unbearably sad and yesterday cried my eyes out in the loo. I've been crying off and on today as well and feel awful- almost bereft

Dreading my darling girl leaving for uni next year, dreading ds doing the same in 2 years. I'm 56 and feel like life is slipping away with old age and illness/death looming. Sounds daft and pathetic but I can't shake this off...dread, melancholy. Normally I am content with life but I'm suddenly afraid

So much here resonates with me. I am 52, and in the last few months have had what seems to have been my final period, a series of low grade viruses, a hard time at work because my colleagues are all either leaving or retiring early because of the pressure and have been replaced by bright young things. I feel old, miserable exhausted, paranoid and generally worried to death. I'm loathe to try and change jobs because I need the part time hours which help with caring for my father and running our home. My two teenagers and husband are all wonderful but I honestly feel like running away most of the time. My confidence has dropped. Day to day I display outward cheerfulness, count my blessings, do yoga, take my viramins walk etc. Inside I am seething that my husband seems to lead a calmer and more productive life. He means well and tells me to 'stop thinking'. Perhaps WI is the answer!

Goodness me I relate to all of this. However I wouldn't cry in bathroom - let your darling daughter know how you feel. It's fine.

I feel old, miserable exhausted, paranoid and generally worried to death.
This
And This:
I honestly feel like running away most of the time.

I think I need to find someone in r.l. who feels like this, the thing is most people put on an outwardly cheerful face don't they (I do) and we are probably needing people to meet people who are a bit more upbeat. Perhaps there should be an empty nest/menopause support groups for women to join. Perhaps W.I is the answer lol. I think part of it is being in this mid stage of life - I have basically dedicated a significant portion (and will be doing so) to bringing up my dcs. It fills me with dread that I won't need to do this because other than one hobby (which I can't focus on right now), it feels like they're all I have. I seem to constantly be looking for purpose and it is times like this when I wish I had a job to throw myself into and distract myself. Sigh. I'm also trying to work out how I'm going to cope when I get older (potentially alone because dh is a fair bit older than me) shall I do x or y or z, it's like I'm trying to pre-empt stuff. Of course it's having the someone to do nothing with which is the biggest kicker as there seems to be plenty of groups about these days of one kind or another. I am definitely making an appointment with the GP. I shouldn't be dwelling like this for at least another 15 years or so. Once I have sorted out if there is any medical causes - hormonal issues etc. I'm going to arrange some counselling. I kind of feel on my own with this and hate this feeling of pointlessness and despair. I wish I had decent family/siblings to talk to but I don't and that worries me.

Not surprised you feel flat - the virus, Christmas and your DD going to uni. Any of those would leave someone feeling flat. Cannot recommend anything sadly but hope you are alright.

I feel this. I've felt miserable for the last month. It's not depression. I don't need AD's from my GP. It's different to that. I hope things perk up once we get to spring?

Agree with pp:
I find crying very therapeutic and releasing. Pent up emotions and letting them all out. I'm all in favour of a good sob!

I don't cry very often, but when I do, I'm not ashamed.

I’m feeling great actually but I know where you are coming from.
I’ve battled health problems for the last few years but I finally feel I’ve turned a corner but yes I’ve had the empty nest syndrome and it is horrible but you know what ... they boomerang back and bring their ankle biters with them which is fabulous

Now my ankle biters don’t want to come like they used too ☹️ But it’s not just me... they are doing it to their parents as well.

As someone suggested build yourself up. Flora doc is very good. Choose what you want to do for you, grieve for what’s going or gone.

If you’ve been a good parent they never leave you.
All my friends children live in London and she lives in the north east yet they up and down the m1 like god bless you

once again thank you everyone- I can't begin to tell you how it has helped...I don't feel so alone or so despairing.

I have done 2000 bouncy steps on my little rebound trampette thingy and lifted some weights to try and lift my mood and absolutely snotted myself inside out in the shed-my husband has been great and just lets me wail all over him and then makes me a cup of tea

Day two of taking St johns wort and I have ordered some Floradix as i can't get it in local chemists

I am talking to HR tomorrow as they have a counselling service- it will be a relief to get back to work which is the first time I've ever said it. I need some routine and people around me

So does St Johns Wort help, and what's Floradix? My instinct is to Keep Going but need to find a focus for it and get brave enough to leave my job. I earn 12k take home for and 18hr week in finance customer service. There's new management and a lot of petty change which I find hard to keep up with as a part timer. Would love to switch to a care role but not qualified andfear a drop in income. How come the 'prime' time of life is so grim??

Floradix is a multi vit and iron tonic that is supposed to help when you are 'run down' which after my virus I certainly am. St John's Wort is a herbal mood uplifter which I am hoping will do just that

St John's Wort is amazing. No bedding in, works almost instantly. It's the most prescribed natural AD in Germany apparently..

I didn't realise you're facing empty nest - no wonder you're feeling wretched! It really is awful - let it roll through. There is such a thing as lament.

I have to take exception with this though :
If you’ve been a good parent they never leave you. This really isn't accurate for some poor souls who deserve our heartfelt love and compassion.

Good to hear you're upping the exercise regime Gatekeeper 🙂 Keep it up, it all helps!

So my intentions today are to buy some St John's wort, get out for a walk and then plant bulbs (late) with thoughts of Spring. I have stepdaughters and remember bawling my eyes out when they left home and dread going through it again with my own two. It's a very real grief and takes time. Luckily the older ones live close by and we are a lot of the grandchildren. I need to be sunshiney for them, but inside it's a different story
Has anyone here retrained in their 50s? My work situation is the worst part of this for me.

Try and get St John's Wort in tincture form if you can - Neals Yard do it.

Love to everyone feeling rubbish

Interested to know if anyone has retrained too. I need to think about getting back to work as being isolated is definitely not helping. Thinking voluntary work in the first instance just to get out of the house. I am definitely dwelling and being maudlin and I have just read a book all about death. The impending sense of doom thing is the worse - I am going to explore the hormone route to see if I can get more balance because it is draining all the lovely things out of life (thanks to the lovely ladies who have pm'd me about hormones and other things, very much appreciated).

a few days into St John's wort and I believe it is helping...no longer feel in the pit of despair although my life is far from ideal

@clippityclop ...how are you feeling now? Did you plant your bulbs?

woke 6-ish this morning and listened to birds singing outside- nice cup of tea in bed and read a few pages of my book- Cold Comfort farm. Forgotten how good it was :)

@morningmarigold ...put done the book about death- put the radio on a dance a few dances with your dc. Put your head under the duvet and shout a bit...."BUGGER OFF NEGATIVE DRAINING SPONGEY THOUGHTS" and belt the hell out of your pillow. Deep breaths...you will bloody nail 2020 and become youX100 as will I

Good to hear you are not feeling so low Gatekeeper, keep up the SJW. 🙂

Come to join in this thread and send

47 and just getting over nasty cold and did not realise how low I was feeling until felling better today 😁

Peri menopausal too and just restarting work after years (15 as a SAHM).

I would suggest small steps at a time to get back to yourself or a new you!

I haven't read every post on here but I feel the same way for the past few days. Just dont know why really. I also have been going to the bathroom crying.

I hope everyone's feeling better today? Gatekeeper I would burn the death book and enjoy CCF! I have finally had time to go to a yoga class and found an hour with nothing else to think about very helpful. Spent a lot if yesterday in the garden, very deliberately focussing on just what I could see, feel etc and felt a lot better. Also gave the sitting room carpet a good sweeping with a stiff brush which was great exercise.
Distractions are all very well though, and I must get down to the nitty gritty of my job. I need a move.

morning all

I feel a little better- partly due to SJW I'm sure. I give myself a mental kick when I can feel myself getting maudlin or sentimental and have stopped deliberately getting so...i.e looking at old photos,kids memory box of first shoes etc

I need to concentrate more on the here and now else I am missing out. Just off to do a spot of window shopping and have a coffee with my dd

start talking to counsellor next week...am feeling a bit more hopeful about the future
@morningmarigold- how are you doing pet?

So much on this thread resonates with me. I do suffer with depression and at the moment just feel sad and lost. I am dreading going back to work tomorrow and feel like today I just can't stop thinking about it and can't relax at all.

Hello, all! May I join ?

I actually did go back to work mid-50s. One week in I was struck down by a raft of illnesses completely out of the blue and that was that. I shall try some Floridex stuff (sounds like loo cleaner) as I have been left with the energy of an extremely lazy sloth.

Ds has just returned to university . It's his final year and although I moaned about him lying in bed in his vacations, I'd prefer him to be up in his room than off being grown up somewhere.

I agree that kids hanging round at home is not a reliable indicator of being a wonderful parent. Living in London or handy commutable place is a far better rule of thumb! I must admit I get irked by sil whose dds all live within a one-mile radius a la Waltons. She does the smug head tilt and says she feels so sorry for people whose dcs move away .

Yesterday I heard of someone whose 36 yr old DC still lives at home! 😮
No special needs, just hasn't ever moved out.

Not sure I'd want mine still living with me at that age, to be honest.