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Original poster

Do you think it is rude when people take presents back?

48 replies

agentstarling · 26/12/2019 01:21

My mum is notoriously fussy and often takes stuff back. Usually, she gets vouchers of things she has asked for. However, I bought her a cashmere scarf because it gets boring otherwise. The first thing she said is well this is going back like jeez.

OP posts:

SpaceCadet4000 · 26/12/2019 01:26

What she said was rude. But in general, I don't think it's rude when people take presents back so long as they are graciously received. In this situation, with a notoriously picky person, I think you either adhere to the clear signals of what they want or you don't buy them presents.

Redglitter · 26/12/2019 01:28

I think her reaction was rude but no.i don't think its rude for people to return things. I'd rather a gift was returned and replaced with something the person could use rather than lying in a cupboard gathering dust

VeniceBeach · 26/12/2019 01:36

That's so rude to say that as soon as she opened it! I've never really considered taking a gift back to a shop myself and it's a bit of a hassle anyway. Saying that, for the first time I am considering asking my mum to return a necklace she bought me since it's not my style at all and I hate to think of the wasted money. I wouldn't want the refunded cash or a replacement though!

SwingingBy · 26/12/2019 07:17

My mum is the same OP. I stopped buying her gifts for any occasion years ago. She got the huff on the first time she didn't get anything from me but soon came to expect nothing.
I think it's rude to be negative about a gift. I don't think it's rude to return a present though. I would rather someone return a gift for something they would prefer rather than put it on a cupboard and my money being wasted.

CherryPavlova · 26/12/2019 07:30

I’d far rather the person received something they wanted, even if it means exchanging it. I prefer honesty, so I wouldn’t have an issue with her saying it. I’d laugh and be pleased our relationship was such she felt able to say.

TeachesOfPeaches · 26/12/2019 07:32

If you know she prefers vouchers then why did you bother buying a scarf?

2020theteendrink · 26/12/2019 07:36

Give her the receipt and tell her you won't be buying her gifts again as clearly impossible to please and no manners to receive graciously

slipperywhensparticus · 26/12/2019 07:42

I'm hoping it's not rude because my mom bought both my son and daughter wrong sizes despite being told the correct ones because she knows better apparently and yes it is done maliciously because I told her on the phone in the store and she said oh well I'm going to get her x size instead 🤷‍♀️ why ask her size 🙇‍♀️

pictish · 26/12/2019 07:46

I think clothing and jewellery are difficult to give as gifts because taste is so subjective. I tend to steer away from anything like that...anything that the recipient might wear. It’s incredibly hard to nail exactly what another person likes in such an item. The difference between a ‘yes I love it’ and a ‘no it’s not my thing’ can be really subtle.

OffTheShelfElf · 26/12/2019 08:26

Yes, very rude.

Fairylea · 26/12/2019 08:32

It’s rude to say it like that. If you do it discreetly or if it’s something in obviously the wrong size then I think it’s okay.

TheBlueStocking · 26/12/2019 08:35

I think she was rude.

Whathewhatnow · 26/12/2019 08:38

Extremely rude. Gifts should always be received graciously and you never tell the giver you dont like them. It's not about the item, it's a token of your love for them.

SarahTancredi · 26/12/2019 08:41

Its rude to say it out loud like that in front of the giver.

However it's also rude to disregard what people have said they would like particularly if its money or vouchers because they think it's not right , there should be something to open.

Peope are far to weird about presents. Would rather give something that they have no idea if they would like and funnily enough those gifts are oddly specific, so as to be difficult for someone else to wear/use etc than give them the money

woodhill · 26/12/2019 08:41

Extremely rude of her OP

gamerwidow · 26/12/2019 08:43

Her reaction was rude but I always keep the receipt so people can take things back. I’d rather people had what they wanted then kept something and never used it. Whatever your intentions sometimes you misjudge presents and it’s wasteful to insist people keep stuff just because.

BillywilliamV · 26/12/2019 08:45

And on the 8th Day- God invented John Lewis Vouchers!
This is exactly why..

But if my Mum has been that rude I would have walked out.

beautifulstranger101 · 26/12/2019 08:50

As PP have said- its rude to say it out loud. But not rude at all to return something you don't like, want or won't use.

In this scenario, I kind of feel like you should have expected this to happen given her previous form and I'm not sure why you continually buy her stuff if you know she'll return it. Just buy her vouchers- much easier.

LolaSmiles · 26/12/2019 08:59

It's not automatically rude to exchange gifts. Sometimes a thoughtful gift may not be quite to your tastes and most gift givers would rather it was exchanged for something to the recipient's taste rather than sitting in a cupboard to be regifted. Equally, changing sizes is fairly standard.

What's rude is someone having an attitude of returning all/most gifts, being ungrateful and then rude to people's faces about their gifts. It's a horrible and nasty attitude.

Fatted · 26/12/2019 09:01

What she said was rude, but then I also guess it's rude to buy her a scarf when she usually likes vouchers.

Yetanotherwinter · 26/12/2019 09:08

My lovely daughter bought me size 12/14 jamas and I’m actually a 16/18. I’ll take them and change them for the correct size. I was actually flattered that she thought I was smaller 😂
If you know it’s someone picky I would always buy vouchers. I don’t think it’s rude to swap things.

opinionatedfreak · 26/12/2019 09:08

The way she handled it was rude.

However, taking back a gift to exchange it is much better than it languishing unworn/ or going straight to the charity shop.

I gave gift receipts with several gifts this year.

Bought my brother a jumper - different color of a style he already own in four colours.
It's going back because comedically I didn't check the size and the one I bought is much too big.
Jumper for SIL. Thought it might go back but actually she is delighted and wearing it today.
Bought some kids books - managed to buy one they already have being exchanged (or actually the kids Mum was talking about just ordering the next book in the series for delivery for her child & using the copy of book 1 I gave as a party gift). Probably because going to Waterstones is a pain! Which made me feel bad.

codenameduchess · 26/12/2019 09:10

It's not rude to exchange gifts, but it is rude to tell the giver that and not thank them.

We received a lot of clothes for the baby, all 0-3 months which I suppose made sense as he's only 5 weeks but is actually outgrowing that size already so I'll be taking them all back and swapping for bigger sizes or non-christmassy themed things. Everyone was thanked profusely and i wouldn't tell them their generous gifts are being returned although I'm sure they would rather I exchange for things that will actually be used (because a too small Christmas outfit would never be worn).

notangelinajolie · 26/12/2019 09:20

I don't think it is rude - it's just being honest and although I personally wouldn't do it, my DD1 always speaks up and says when she doesn't like something. When she was little, I always told her to say when she doesn't like something. So I guess it's down to me . I don't do it because my mother was obsessed with manners and being polite and I am the result of her parenting.

Tbh I'd rather she had something she likes than something that gets stuffed in the bottom of her wardrobe. I quite it like that my daughter is strong and able to speak up.

TwiddleMuff · 26/12/2019 09:24

Her response was rude but maybe she was tired of asking for vouchers and instead receiving items she doesn’t like.

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