Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Do you think it is rude when people take presents back?

48 replies

agentstarling · 26/12/2019 01:21

My mum is notoriously fussy and often takes stuff back. Usually, she gets vouchers of things she has asked for. However, I bought her a cashmere scarf because it gets boring otherwise. The first thing she said is well this is going back like jeez.

OP posts:

Elloello · 26/12/2019 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

supercee · 26/12/2019 09:51

I received some jewellery from a family member that's not my cup of tea at all.

I hate being given jewellery (and it wasn't on my list of suggestions ) but I graciously received it and I'd never tell them I'm going to try and exchange it. Can you exchange things without a receipt?

labazsisgoingmad · 26/12/2019 09:53

i personally would not have the cheek to ask but i suggest if your mum was that fussy i would just get her tokens from now on she cant get what she likes then

selmabear · 26/12/2019 09:55

My SM leaves tags on everything she buys in the event someone needs to return the item. I dont think its rude to return it and exchange for something else but I do think the way your mother handled it was beyond rude!

sashh · 26/12/2019 09:55

She was rude to say it. I often include gift receipts so that people can exchange things eg when I have bought jewelry for my nieces.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 26/12/2019 10:05

I'm happy for people to exchange if my present to them isn't quite to their taste. I would expect them to be polite about it though!

These days, I always give the receipts for anything that might need to be returned (in a sealed small envelope if it's a cash receipt). That way they can be gracious about their present and do what they like later.

reluctantbrit · 26/12/2019 10:17

Unless I buy something I have been told it is desired or I know will fit the recepient I always include a gift certificate.

Your mum's reaction was rude. But I think nothing worse than having a gift and it just ends in a cupboard or is quitely re-gifted and I had no idea it didn't suit so I may do the same mistake the next year.

I think people too often think what they like instead of asking or providing the possibility for an exchange. I always ask mym mum/PIL/DH so I know my money is not wasted.

reluctantbrit · 26/12/2019 10:18

Sorry, meant I incude the gift receipe

nevergotthehangofturkeys · 26/12/2019 10:52

It's not rude to exchange it for the correct size, or once in a while to take it back. But if it's a constant thing then I'd be calling the recipient's bluff by having a proper grown-up talk about what they do and don't want, and whether they'd actually prefer to opt out of the merry-go-round by not receiving presents.

Personally I think this sort of situation calls for an Oxfam goat.

katseyes7 · 26/12/2019 11:05

My mother was like this. One year l took her a poinsettia the week before Christmas. When l went on Christmas Day, she announced she "couldn't be bothered with it" and she'd given it to one of her neighbours. Another year my husband and l bought her a lovely fleece blanket as she was always complaining about being cold. When we went on Christmas Day she gave it back to us saying she "wouldn't use it."
After my dad died, most of his friends stopped visiting her as she was so rude and confrontational. One lovely man (bless him, that man was a saint) kept going. He always took her a little parcel of nice tea and shortbread biscuits. One year before Christmas she announced to me that she was "going to tell him not to bring her shortbread any more because she didn't like it." Why do that? Why not just accept the kindness graciously then pass them on to someone else?
The final straw was when she asked my cousin to make her a coffee and walnut cake for Christmas. My cousin is a fantastic baker, but at the time she had two small children, was working full time as a teacher, and didn't have a lot of time to spare. However she made a lovely cake and presented it in a really nice cake tin she'd bought specially, complete with matching bow.
When l went on Christmas Day, my mother said to me "Tell our XXX that cake's too big for me (it was a standard 7" cake!) and next year l want a smaller one." When l told my cousin (she knew what my mother was like) we laughed about it and she said "that's the smallest baking tin l've got!" l suggested that the next time she should make a single sponge and cut it in half, then double layer it with buttercream.
You had to laugh or it'd have been really hurtful. Ungrateful doesn't even begin to describe it. And she wondered why people stopped visiting. Nothing was ever right.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 26/12/2019 11:06

She was appallingly rude.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 26/12/2019 11:19

When I was about 10, my mum presented me with a truly hideous high neck, long sleeve, floor length Victorian style nightie.

I (nicely) asked her to return it, and she lost her shit, calling me ungrateful and all sorts.

Some 35 years later I remember it clear as day and make sure to always offer people the choice to return or exchange if not suitable. For stuff I will be returning, I don't say anything except thank you.

(Unbeknownst to me there was a whole other pile of crap going on for her which explains the OTT reaction)

JaJoJe · 26/12/2019 18:11

I think its rude to return things, I would die of embarrassment standing in line to return something.

a possible exception is if something is the wrong size and you are getting the right size but people who just return everything for cash/credit seems so money grabbing and ungrateful to me.

supercee · 26/12/2019 18:15

I am completely grateful for the gift I received but I know I will never ever wear it. What good is it going to do sitting in my drawer. I feel charity shopping it would be worse. Don't also see how it's money grabbing, unless it was specifically returned for cash.

If I had got someone something that wasn't to their taste I'd rather they swapped it for something that is, than it go to waste. That's why I always try and find out.

LolaSmiles · 26/12/2019 18:16

We received a lot of clothes for the baby, all 0-3 months which I suppose made sense as he's only 5 weeks but is actually outgrowing that size already so I'll be taking them all back and swapping for bigger sizes or non-christmassy themed things. Everyone was thanked profusely and i wouldn't tell them their generous gifts are being returned although I'm sure they would rather I exchange for things that will actually be used (because a too small Christmas outfit would never be worn).
We had a similar situation with Christmas themed clothing and have lots of items for DC that don't fit now and won't next Christmas so I thanked family for them and let them know I'll be exchanging for similar outfits that will fit in the new year (e.g. Christmas sleepsuit for smaller non Christmas sleepsuit).
Nobody objected.

I think most people are reasonable as long as the recipient is polite.

lisag1969 · 26/12/2019 18:30

Don't buy her anything give her money in a card. Tell her your too fussy to buy for. Don't worry if it's boring. It's not your present. X

lisag1969 · 26/12/2019 18:33

It's not rude to return something, it's a waste to keep something you don't like. However her deliverance was rude. X

Intensicle · 26/12/2019 18:35

‘It's not rude to return something’

It kind of is.

coconuttelegraph · 26/12/2019 18:37

Is she a generally unpleasant person? If anyone said that to me it would be the last time I bought them anything, she clearly has no manners.

MyFavouriteTimeOfYear · 26/12/2019 18:50

This is why I always ask people what they want and also a few things off their children's list, and then pick something to buy the person that suits my budget for them.
It makes my life a million times easier in the lead up to Christmas! Haven't got time to wonder around deciding if someone will like a gift or not.
I also tell all my family exactly what my children want (something I know is very high up on their list) they are grateful for the same reason and also it gives them the biggest joy of seeing my DC really love the gift from them

user32564567 · 26/12/2019 18:54

Yep, it's rude. I would never ever return a gift.

sproutsgalore · 26/12/2019 18:59

Crikey. She's not one for tact and diplomacy is she?

PorpentinaScamander · 26/12/2019 20:18

It depends how its dealt with. Your mums comment was rude.

I always tell recipients they can have the receipt if they need it. Especially with clothes/jewellery.

One of my siblings thinks it the height of rudeness to return anything you are bought. Every year ds1 gets a t shirt that is too small. This year it was age 13-14
Hes 15 and taller than anyone else in my family

Flip

1 2