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Original poster

So I didn't do my Wife work and am going to feel so awkward tomorrow

46 replies

NoWifeyWork2020 · 24/12/2019 21:39

DH and I split for a while.

We are back together now and this is our first shared Christmas since.

For years I bought his mums Christmas presents.

This year I told him I wasn't. Repeatedly.
He said he wouldn't get her anything as he doesn't see the point Hmm

And he hasn't.

I feel shit.

When we weren't together I know he ignored her birthdays and Xmas but now I feel the responsibility (stupidly).

She will bring the kids gifts tomorrow and I'll feel like a twat.

I should have just gotten her something.

Argh.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 24/12/2019 21:40

A small token would do. Any boxes of chocs lying around? Either that or say XDH has your gift.

MrsWooster · 24/12/2019 21:42

Did you get him anything that could be redirected to her? Win win.

lljkk · 24/12/2019 21:42

gosh, ffs, hand her gift (box of chocks fine) & say "This is from ME ". Leave him out of it. He can his his own relationship with her.

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Relationship problems
bobbinsblue · 24/12/2019 21:43

Break up with your husband before you see her, all problems solved.

WooYa · 24/12/2019 21:43

I'm in the same boat-ish...me and H split up and I did the 'wife work' for years.... this is the first year he's had to do it. I'm sure no one in his family have gifts from him. I bought ExMil token smellys and a nice pic of DS. He's had plenty of opportunity to shop...

Plantgardens · 24/12/2019 21:43

Just say to her that you’re sorry he didn’t get her anything but you felt you couldn’t as you’ve been struggling with defining your spousal roles and responsibilities since the separation.

If giving presents mean a lot to you maybe get her something just from you in the new year.

coconuttelegraph · 24/12/2019 21:43

You don't need to feel awkward, he's made a choice not to buy a gift, why would you feel bad about that, he's a grown man and can explain why he didn't buy one

lyralalala · 24/12/2019 21:43

I’d be reconsidering things with him

Not only does it show a complete disregard for his mother’s feelings, but he’s obviously happy to embarrass you and doesn’t care that it will bother you

I buy my ex’s Mum a present from me and our girls and even when we were together it was very clear it was from me because he’s shit

OccasionalNachos · 24/12/2019 21:44

Why can’t he explain to her that he doesn’t see the point? This is nothing to do with you.

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 24/12/2019 21:44

Why are you with such a shit excuse for a person?

Drum2018 · 24/12/2019 21:44

Don't feel bad. And tell her straight that you had assumed Dh was sorting her gift, so that she knows he's the one who couldn't be arsed.

BoyfriendCoatBigScarf · 24/12/2019 21:45

Can you catch her on her own and explain? Maybe offer to take her out for a coffee in the new year, your treat.

Gogreen · 24/12/2019 21:47

I would give a box of chocolates from the cupboard, with a tag from you and the kids in bold lettering, handing it to her with a smile and saying ‘are you going to get your mums present for her to have too?’

His a arse, let him admit it!

mummyway · 24/12/2019 21:48

Did he buy something for your mum? Then why are you stressing. If your mil couldn't raise a decent human being who can be bothered to get his own mum a gift at Xmas why do you see it as your responsibility.

cricketmum84 · 24/12/2019 21:48

It should be his responsibility. It's his mum!

However as a last minute idea what about booking an afternoon tea for two or similar online for the two of you and present it as her gift from YOU.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 24/12/2019 21:48

Agree with above that you should ditch this loser once and for all.
Then you will have peace.

But you won't - will you?

CluelessNewMama · 24/12/2019 22:02

He sounds like a catch Hmm

If she will just buy gifts for the kids then I wouldn’t feel awkward about not giving her anything, if she’s likely to get something for you and DH then I’d try to find something around the house to give her (bottle of wine lying around maybe?)

Palavah · 24/12/2019 22:05

What @cricketmum84 said

cushioncovers · 24/12/2019 22:08

Ditch him.

Original poster
NoWifeyWork2020 · 24/12/2019 22:11

He's always been a dick with presents. He gets me and the kids without fail. Nice gifts too.

He has a strained relationship with her but even a token girt should be bought imo.

OP posts:
Toomanycats99 · 24/12/2019 22:12

My ex texted me late afternoon to ask if I had sorted something for his mum and dad from our dd's. I said I have bought a present from me - as it is your mum I assumed you would be sorting a present from the girls!

Oh well at least I get the credit for the present I get them now rather than it being from 'us'!

CalleighDoodle · 24/12/2019 22:17

I think getting back together was probably a mistake.

Ive never bought for my inlaws. One christmas we were handed presents from his cousins and aunt and he had bought nothing. I was embarrassed then angry with myself for feeling embarrassed. Dh is an only child with no grandparents. I have 3 siblings, a grandma and many many nieces and nephews. I have made it very clear over the last ten plus years that his family are his responsibility. Ive told MIL that frequently too.

JustAnotherSod · 24/12/2019 22:20

You say he repeatedly told you he wasn't going to get her a present - and that his relationship with him mum isn't great. Perhaps stop expecting his gift giving to match yours and listen to him - he's as right in not wanting to give a gift as you are in believing a gift is necessary.

I don't understand posters blaming him or calling him all sorts - he's been entirely clear with you, you seem to not be listening to him.

FruitcakeOfHate · 24/12/2019 22:30

So get rid of him.

PlanDeRaccordement · 24/12/2019 22:32

Leave it alone. If he doesn’t want to buy her gifts and they have a bad relationship, stop interfering by buying presents. For all you know she could have abused or neglected him.