So family row one has happened...

[Binglebong]

Ah, the Joys of Christmas. Family member 1 came yesterday, row (after a lot of lip biting) occured today. More family tomorrow. Yay.

Tell me I'm not alone?! I don't wish rows on anyone but I'm already sick of it.

Not yet. This is the first time my father is coming to Christmas lunch at my house since I threw him out of the house about seven years ago. ( that’s a thread in itself )
So I can guarantee that I will be back to this thread at some point tomorrow. Only doing this for my mum really.

Not yet I have had a pointed moan at my sister because our mother has sent everyone cards and gifts BUT me a card would have done 🤷‍♀️ she also showed up when she knew I wasnt home twice

This is the second year that we've declined large family gatherings.

Both DH's family and mine are the same, parents, siblings and their families. We've tried every combination we can but it always ends badly.

It's taken a lot longer, we have to start in early November to ensure we get to see everyone but it's worth it for the harmony... and the chance to spend the next few days in pyjamas relaxing and doing what we like to do.

and deep breaths for everyone in the firing line.

for everyone. It's shit. Dont know if I can face going tomorrow.

I’ve already fallen out with my sister and I’m pretty sure DH having a meltdown over his home made soup will cause another row

Sympathy from here. My Dh and d dad just had their first moment of harsh words, wont be the last. I get totally stuck in the middle and hate it. Not good at arguments! Roll on tomorrow....!

So I've ruined christmas. This may mean permanent estrangement from my family.i have no idea what to do or where to go. I'm on a part time min wage job, I cant do more because of illness and my brain doesn't work. I need to find somewhere to go with a dog and an income of £600 per month. I'm fucked. I should have bitten my tongue and swallowed my pride and I can't I don't know what the hell to do.

What’s happened @binglebong
Hope you’re ok 💐

What happened? It must have been some row.

Before you do anything take a breather and some time to think and let everyone calm down.

Talk to us OP, what's happened?

Sorry I shouldnt be landing this on anyone. It will blow over please dont worry. I just need to say it to someone.

Please dont worry, go enjoy your day. Thank you for caring.

@Binglebong
Christmas can be so stressful. I hope everything calms down and that you and binglehound will be ok.
I managed to bite my tongue with FIL last night but it took a hell of a lot.

I need to find somewhere to live. I cant go like this. I dont think I've ever been more hurt. I'm refusing to join in at all which is kisy hurting myself but I cant do it.

It will just be seen as me holding a grudge but it's not I'm just so hurt.

I'm not working friday and I may go in anyway just to get away.

I'm sorry OP - sounds so stressful. Everything intensified at Christmas. Try not to panic and make plans today. See how you feel tomorrow when you're a bit calmer. There will be a way through, and you will be OK.

Me too; can't wait for guests to arrive, so that the fact he's not speaking to me becomes less obvious

Binglebong i am sorry you are hurting, please write a letter about how you feel to stop yourself from dwelling, go for a walk and do what you need to do xxxx

I’m sure I dropped a bomb already but as I am not present, it may not be that bad.

So they called to wish merry Christmas, and sister said... have you heard anything from your horrible ex mil? Oh yes, I said, I’m very grateful to her, because despite all the bad feeling and problems from the past she is the ONLY one who has been checking how I am doing and offering to help in this year when I have been so unwell.

Sis then said, “I didn’t know you were unwell”, of course, my parents had not bothered to mention...

champagne communist My family ignored me last Christmas and may do again tomorrow, but those who care for me noticed! Please make a plan so that next year you are not ignored. For me, I accept that I may be ignored but my kids don't notice and they want to be included, so for 1 day a year I suck it up!

Can I join the club please.

I went to give my DD 19 a hug and kiss and got a “I hate you” response. I think she probably meant to say I hate hugs but even so, we have a difficult relationship so I do think she hates me at times. I am now sat crying my eyes out and drinking gin, I don’t drink much so already got a headache.

DH said ignore her, but he always sides with her. She could murder me and he’d excuse her. I do virtually everything for Christmas. I know she’s tired as she’s currently working in retail and has had some long shifts but even so, some appreciation of who makes Christmas happen in this house would be nice.

Roll on 2nd Jan, back to normality. I have said I am not doing Christmas again, we will leave the kids to sort themselves next year.

You're not alone. Got in a (quite polite) row with husband. Need to talk it out, but not sure when and where, because of christmas obligations

Wishing you all strength

I’m waiting for Brexit, the election, veganism, why my our baby uses a dummy and how often I breastfeed to rear their heads before the day is out.

My MIL is sulking and not taking to us. We’ve always hosted Christmas (biggest house, best aircon etc) which we really don’t mind doing and everyone pitches in with some food or $$.

This year, DD2 is flying to England tomorrow so we decided not to ‘do’ Christmas at all. That means no hosting, no cooking, no having visitors and no visiting anyone. We simply don’t have the time as today is the first day DD2 has had off I weeks (she works in retail when she’s not at uni).

MIL was not impressed with that and has sulked for weeks - BIL was at her house for dinner tonight and she had FIL there all day. It took her until 2pm to wish us a Happy Christmas and she didn’t thank us for her present until DW called her on a blocked number about 20mins ago (9pm). All other attempts at contacting her today have failed she’s ignored calls and texts.

Oh well, we’re definitely not going back to how things were next year. We’ve had a great time with just the five of us and don’t want to host / go visit ever again.

Good morning everyone. Merry Christmas

OP. I am sorry you are having a difficult day. Can you disappear for a while to have a long hot shower or a walk with the dog.. tell them you have a bad head and need some fresh air / peace and quiet. Give yourself and everyone else an hour out to calm down then come back and offer to help with lunch etc. Hopefully a break will help you cope better with the rest of the day.

Sometimes is better to take a step back, feign illness and hide in your room until everything happens.

We are having an amazing day, after I cut a holiday short because I couldn’t deal with more moaning, entitlement and ingratitude from the kids. I declared myself in strike, DP is cooking bacon sandwiches, DS is asleep and I’m not running to make a memorable Christmas for people who are not really bothered about it.

It is feeling quite liberating, I’m starting to wonder why on Earth I have been wasting so much money in effort in pretending we “are” a family with the extended family, the SK when nobody care about us, si here we are, the three of us and the dog enjoying Christmas with no frills, no obligations and not hitting our lips.