DH got me a scented candle

[Cordillera]

And a man bag
For various reasons we had our main xmas today so those are my presents.

A far cry from the weekend in Paris or tickets to West End show of a few years ago. We've only been together 6 years, that's part of why this has upset me. It feels like he has given me things thoughtlessly. The bag is definitely too big for me and not my style, and he knows what my style is as he bought me a bag he knows I love a couple of years ago (after checking with me before buying it) as these things are expensive).

And I don't like scented candles. Even if I did I do not want one from my husband.

I am crap at hiding my disappointment. My mother apologised to him for my lack of graciousness then privately told me to get over it and not expect people to be perfect. I said it felt like he'd just thrown money at something last minute.

DH just said he'd take it back. I feel like his head was somewhere else, in choosing the presents and today, He was happy and jolly the first few years, last 18 months less and less.

Mum is no doubt right and I must move on swiftly and be grateful for the good I do have.

DH and I are 9 years in.

We found that in years one and two, thinking up amazing romantic gifts was easy. After, that, no so much.

Also, we both had all the stuff, if either of us want something we'll buy it, we are less materialistic. I don't really know exactly what computer game he wants and he doesn't know exactly what recipe book I want either. And neither of us want the wrong one - it would be a waste.

So we gave up and wrote lists. Detailed lists with links in. Not romantic at all but so much easier

And it even makes going off list easier if you want to because at least you know you are in the right bit of the shop and not buying a scented candle

I sympathize about the scented candle. It's about the same as a Boots 3 for 2 set. But next year think seriously about a list. Not hints, a list.

We went through a few years of useless/unwanted presents. Then we realised that we weren't mind readers and started sending a list to each other in November. Now we both get something we want and 99% of the stress is gone. It's so easy to turn Christmas into a one-upmanship failure competition and so hard to get a "thoughtful" gift even (especially?) for somebody you know really well.

DH gets me a very fancy scented candle every year, it’s one of my favourite presents. I didn’t realise until tonight that it was a shit gift.

Its not, if thats what you want, he knows thats what you want and gets it because he knows its what you want.

Its a shit gift if he bought it because it was the first thing he picked up and thought "That;ll do", just as a shit gift could equally be a pair of diamond earrings if they were bought for a woman who never wears any and isnt into bling type jewellery.

Its not what the item is that makes it shit, its the thought (or lack thereof) that makes a gift shit.

I'm not picky and am easily pleased by almost any present - but I must admit I'd be a bit disappointed by a scented candle. Sorry AppropriateAdult!

I agree AppropriateAdult I love scented candles and an expensive one would be a treat but everyone's different.
One man's trash is another man's treasure and all that.

I came back from work today and my 4 yr old told me a builder man was fixing the oven, DH was raging he told me as THAT was my Xmas pressie (as if I wasn't going cop on) it was BTW

Anyway we have knocked presents on the head from the beginning to save disappointmemt and money! And always do something funny like above instead.

If your upset OP it means there is more going on

Was the Builder-man your present Orchid? Whatever works for you I suppose

Tell him you have got him a butt plug and insert the candle.
Skip the lube...

In November, we ask each other what we want. Then we go out and get it if it needs trying on, or send a screenshot of the shopping basket before the buy button is clicked. Romance for us means getting it right, not guessing and getting it wrong. That's how we got to our 30th this year, so we'll keep doing it.

It's hard to think what to get. One year I got him a leather jacket, another year a gold St Christopher on a chain. This year just a dressing gown. But if I can't think of anything, he gets nothing.

Never mind your husband, I’d be absolutely furious with your mother in your position. Apologising for your behaviour? Her feet wouldn’t touch the floor.

The bag sounds dreadful. Did he think you would take it to work? Do you carry a laptop around?

Two years ago my DH got me oven gloves, last year he got me a teatowel. We have been separated for 11 months

Merry teatowel free Christmas Athrawes

I wouldn't be happy with that either.

What else is going on with him?
Could there be an ow or does he want out?

I would ask for the receipts for the gifts and exchange them for something nicer.

I'd be up and down the house screaming, in tears.

I’m having the worst most lonely Christmas of my life and I’ve barley been able to keep the tears at bay but this made me howl with laughter. I’m not being, I really needed to laugh. Just the image it evokes 🤣

Fiancé and I simply don't exchange gifts at Xmas at all - I'd recommend for future years. No hassle or potential disappointment plus saved pennies. We are romantic / show we care in other ways instead.

Same here with dh and I.
It’s what you do with the rest of the 364 days of the year in your relationship which counts.