Why is golfing a red flag for relationships?

[velvetnose]

My DH plays golf. Apparently this is a red flag. Why?

My DH plays golf too.

Means our garage is full of shit and he spends a fortune (that we can afford). My eyes regularly glaze over when he tells me all about it.

In fact I wish he was playing it today instead of getting under my feet.

It's expensive and takes at the very minimum half a day every time.

Does the non golfer in the relationship get half a day every week or whatever to themselves and the amount of money needed for club membership, green fees, clubs, clothes, shoes, balls, lessons, a pint at the 19th hole etc etc. If yes, fine, if not, there's your answer.

I think you’ve made this up. It can cause problems in a relationship but a lot of things can. Not a ‘red flag’ - how ridiculous.

I thought it was cycling. When shit husbands are off ‘doing their hobby’ it’s always cycling.

It is a hobby that gives a good alibi if you have other activities going on.
It is time consuming, expensive and probably excludes you and your children.

I’ve just booked golf lessons for DH for Christmas!

he is retired so is always here. I’d love for him to be gone for half a day every so often!

Mine plays golf. I’m perfectly happy with it. I have my hobby that I spend money and time on and he has his.

It's a hobby some people can get obsessive over. Some partners end up prioritising the golf over their family.
There are numerous other hobbies that can have the same thing happen, but it's more about the partner than the hobby.

I walk and run around a couple of golf courses. Full of blokes, very few women. I suppose it's a family-avoidance hobby if you want it to be one.

MN hates cycling though. And at least golfists don't wear Lycra

My DH’s hobby isn’t golf or cycling and it takes up far far more room than either of those. It’s not quad biking either!

A friend of my parents used golf as a cover for his multiple affairs. As a pp said, it is an excellent alibi

This is why it is best not to get married. You can choose your hobby without someone else moaning about it.

I will never marry another golfer ever again. Being a golf widow is crap! It's never 'just half a day', it's early to bed the night before in order to get up for an early morning start; then it's golfing weekends and tournaments and drinks and special events. But that's all ok, I'll do the childcare on my own and not go out ever.

I thought it was tennis?

It's not golfing...It's any hobby that takes a disproportionate amount of time and/or money.

DH plays golf and has done since I first met him, age 16y.
He mainly plays golf via work these days. He doesn't belong to club so no big outlet. He has used the same golf clubs for several years. He almost always plays golf in the work day. It occasionally involves a meal after so a later finish - but he's driving those days and he's never home overly late. He checks first that there's nothing on family wise/that evening before he books it is. Sometimes he will play golf with family or friend on a weekend but its maybe 2-3 a year, and they always arrange to set off really early, so home before lunch time.

It doesn't have to be a red flag.

My hubby plays golf. He goes away for a week every year golfing abroad. I can’t complain he buys me a Mulberry to keep me sweet. It works 😛

I’m the golfer in my relationship

It's not so much a red flag as a cliché, often seen on TV, the golfing husband.

But there are golfing wives too. Sybil Fawlty was a golfer, and spectacularly flounces off to the golf course when she thinks Basil has forgotten their wedding anniversary.

Also the wife in Keeping Mum has an affair with her golf instructor.

My DH is a netball widower! I play it many evenings. (Actually he plays it as well, although not at the same time as me.)

Golf? That’s not a time-consuming money-pit hobby.

Horse riding is a real time-consuming money-pit hobby, and if you are daft enough to choose to compete at a decent level, it’s off the scale....

Oh my husband is a golfer oh well 🚩🚩🚩

DH played golf for years (took it up through work and generally self taught). Then DS started through a school outreach thing, and then I was persuaded to take it up as well. DS thrashes us both - me: that drive didn’t get much height? DS: yeah, it was windy so I kept it low. If you don’t take it too seriously then it’s 4 hrs doing stuff together, talking rubbish, walking several miles (more if it’s me as I play army golf), enjoying being outside and then a drink at the end.

And we’ve done the whole cycling thing too - we all have racing and mountain bikes.

Mine’s a golfer. He loves it and he’s bloody good. I still come first.

Having said that, I work with a golfer. If he had to choose between his family and his golf, it would be golf every time.

The point is many (mostly) men use their time consuming hobbies to get out of family time, leaving their partner to parent alone.
As pp said, it's not a problem if the arrangement works both ways - but this seems very rare.

Mine plays golf. The course is on his way home from work so he keeps his clubs in the car and will often play two or three holes on his way home. If he wants a full game he and friends from work will sometimes take a half day holiday rather than play at the weekend, as it's quieter. I have horses, which probably take up more time, so don't begrudge him his hobby at all. No DC though, which makes a huge difference.