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Original poster

To be furious at relative telling my child about Santa I

97 replies

sunnyblossom1 · 22/12/2019 23:50

Relative was taking to my son when I wasn’t there. He is 11 but still has that little belief that Santa is real and discussed with me the other day how magic Christmas and Santa is. He is a very young 11. This relative had a conversation with him when I wasn’t there and basically told him point blank that Santa is not real. She has two kids of her own that don’t believe. I am so angry right now. Why can people just not let kids be kids and let them have that little glimmer of hope.

OP posts:

ballsdeep · 23/12/2019 00:28

In the mn world, children apparently question santa at the age of 3 and stop believing at 4 🤔🤔

I'd be furious op.

1066vegan · 23/12/2019 00:59

That's awful. It could be, from the updates, that her comments about her own children not believing might have been made with the assumption that your ds no longer believed, rather than deliberately setting out to tell him that Father Christmas doesn't exist. But how horrible for him to find out like that.

The age at which children stop believing varies hugely. A lot of posters on MN whose children stopped believing at a very young age are very sneering towards parents of those children who continue to believe (and, by extension to the children themselves).

It's quite possible for children to be bright, quite grown up in other ways but to still try and cling onto the magic.

Most of those condescending posters would presumably be less dismissive of a child's religious beliefs if they still retained them at the age of 11. But from a child's pov, they will have been shown much more evidence for the existence of FC than they will have for the existence of whatever deity their parents may have told them about eg presents and letters from him, maybe a video message, footprints, crumbs left after he's eaten the offered mince pie etc etc.

MAFIL · 23/12/2019 01:46

I can see why you are annoyed - it wasn't her place to say anything. Though as others have suggested, could it have been an innocent mistake on the relaives part? I don't think there are many 11 year olds who still believe and it may be that she was assuming your DS knew, rather than deliberately setting out to spill the beans. She should have been more careful though.
But what is done us done. You would have had to tell him soon anyway, even if he is still in year 6, so I would say that the best course of action now is to try not to dwell on it and develop some new Christmas traditions. With my children I stressed that they were now mature enough to understand that Father Christmas doesn't exist as a single person .They had all figured that out really and were kind of pretending to believe in order to keep me happy - you may find your DS is the same.In a way it was a relief to stop the pretending. Instead we talked about the spirit of Christmas and how enjoyable it is to give to loved ones as well as to receive. We can all be Father Christmas really.
I hope your DS isn't too upset and that you all haveca lovely Christmas.

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minesagin37 · 23/12/2019 01:53

I'd be furious. It's a cunty thing to do.

Namenic · 23/12/2019 02:01

Personally I don’t really encourage the whole thing, but feel like society has imposed it on us as a family. We have just been vague when it is mentioned. I think my 5 year old knows and I’m just so nervous he will say things to friends etc - but he hasn’t.

springydaff · 23/12/2019 02:24

It wasn't their place to say. I'd be absolutely furious iiwy.

Irrelevant how old he is.

PlanDeRaccordement · 23/12/2019 03:43

Your relative saved you from the awkward part of the conversation. You know the part that goes “so you’ve been lying to me my entire life about Santa....what else is a lie mum?”

elmosducks · 23/12/2019 03:54

I would go apeshit. Jeeeez, it isn't hard to request that non believers respect believers and keep their noses out.

And I agree with you about the magic of Christmas.

heartsonacake · 23/12/2019 04:12

I’d say if you’ve left it so late to tell him that he still “believes” at 11, it’s fair game on who tells him the truth first. In this case, it’s your relative 🤷‍♀️

AndAnotherNameChanger · 23/12/2019 04:41

Are you sure it's not deliberate but just that she thought he already knew? I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that an 11yr old knows FC isn't real - I've never met one who still believes. Especially if she has two younger children who have already figured it out.

SilentTights · 23/12/2019 04:46

At that age it was either going to be this relative or someone else. Time was up, is all.

AndAnotherNameChanger · 23/12/2019 04:49

I'm a bit bemused by pp saying it's a horrible way for him to find out - how is he going to find out except by someone telling him. Better an adult relative than another kid who is a lot more likely to be mean about the fact an eleven year old still believes.

Arguably you wanting your eleven year old to still believe is about you wanting what's best for you, rather than what's best for him. Christmas can still be magical without you unnecessarily infantilising him.

FenellaMaxwell · 23/12/2019 04:52

It’s very, very unusual for a secondary school aged child to believe in Father Christmas, so she probably thought he already knew?

Aridane · 23/12/2019 05:05

I don’t understand why posters are describing it as cunty etc when it’s reasonably clear from OP’s second post that the boy’s auntie was engaging in chitchat about present buying for her own children. It probably never crossed her mind that a secondary child / near teenager would still’believe’ in Santa.

‘Cunty’ would be telling DS - if from a religious family - that God doesn’t exist / is a sky fairy, that Mohamed was not the prophet or Jesus the son of god etc!

ayvasili · 23/12/2019 06:08

I'm sad for you-my kids (13 and 15) know the truth but still receive stockings and presents from Santa because they WANT to believe in the magic of Christmas.

Hundredacrewoods · 23/12/2019 06:13

In my opinion you were neglectful for not telling him and she stepped in. As someone who was bullied at school, I can’t imagine why you would expose your son to the same by allowing him to continue to believe in secondary school.

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 23/12/2019 06:16

I have an 11 year old you should have told him at that op hes in senior school.

Icanflyhigh · 23/12/2019 06:19

* ATTENTION ALL PARENTS WHO MIGHT NEED TO TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT SANTA 🎅🏼 *

Son: "Dad, I think I'm old enough now. Is there a Santa Claus?"
Dad: "Okay, I agree that you're old enough. But before I tell you, I have a question for you. You see, the “truth” is a dangerous gift. Once you know something, you can't un-know it. Once you know the truth about Santa Claus, you'll never again understand and relate to him as you do now. So my question is: Are you sure you want to know?"
Brief pause
Son: "Yes, I want to know."
Dad: "Okay, then I'll tell you. Yes, there is a Santa Claus."
Son: "Really?"
Dad: Yes, really, but he's not an old man with a beard in a red suit. That's just what we tell kids. You see, kids are too young to understand the true nature of Santa Claus, so we explain it to them in a way that they can understand. The truth about Santa Claus is that he's not a person at all; he's an idea. Think of all those presents Santa gave you over the years. We bought those for you. We watched you open them. And did it bother us that you didn't know? Of course not! In fact it gave us great pleasure. You see, Santa Claus is THE IDEA OF GIVING FOR THE SAKE OF GIVING, without thought of thanks or acknowledgement.
When I saw that woman collapse in town last week and I called for help, I knew that she'd never know that it was me that called an ambulance. I was being Santa Claus when I did that."
Son: "Oh."
Dad: "So now that you know, you're a part of it too. You have to be Santa Claus now. That means you can never tell a young kid the secret, you have to help us select Santa presents for them, and most important, you have to look for opportunities to help other people. Got it?" ☺️

Look out for and help each other this Christmas🎄🎅 and... always be kind ❤💕

Smurf123 · 23/12/2019 06:22

Not all 11 year olds are in secondary school and regardless of anyone else's thoughts out is the postage choice when and how to tell them.
We all believed at 11 as did most of our school friends. We turned 12 within the first 2 months of starting secondary.
"Santa" still leaves me presents under the tree and I'm 30... It is chocolate coins and a Toblerone but still 😂

dollyknocker · 23/12/2019 06:30

Oh, Icanflyhigh, that is just perfect!

Icanflyhigh · 23/12/2019 06:33

@dolly I have a 15 DD, a 10 DD and a 7 DS, its the DS that's struggling to believe.
DD15 knows, obviously, but she will not spoil it for her siblings. DD10 is dubious!
That has worked for us!

Bluerussian · 23/12/2019 06:54

sunnyblossom1 Sun 22-Dec-19 23:56:42
He’s obviously heard things at school and doesn’t tell people there he believes but I think in his heart he still had that magical feeling. Just think people are just too serious and want kids to grow up too fast nowadays
.....
I've heard many people say that last sentence on Mumsnet but can remember it being said when I was a child and also when my son was a child. On the contrary I think children are younger for longer, they have to stay in education of some type until 18 (when I was young school leaving age was 15, later 16), and so many young adults still live in parental home now (economic reasons). Therefore I don't agree with that statement.

I haven't come across an eleven year old who still believes in Santa Claus and think it's perfectly normal for children to find out the truth a lot younger than that; they are not distraught at the knowledge because Christmas is more than that. Nothing to be cross about, it's part of life. What is wrong is parents being furious about it and wanting to insist he is real when he is not! Far better to tell children that it is a charming story, one of many depending on tradition, and it's fun to pretend. There's a big difference between enjoying a fantasy and insisting it is a reality.

So much more is made of the Father Christmas myth now than in the past which, again, shows that society tries to keep children young longer than used to be the case.

There was a parent on here recently who was thinking of withholding Christmas presents from a child because he no longer believed in Santa, that is actually living a lie.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor Mon 23-Dec-19 00:12:26
Oh dear God,he's 11,she's probably saved him from getting the piss ripped out of him at school of he mentioned it although I don't believe for a second he actually believes at 11.

What are you insisting on him believing FC is real,do you insist Cinderella is real too?confused

....

Yes!

winniesanderson · 23/12/2019 07:06

For me it's the timing, I wouldn't be impressed if this had happened just before Christmas. I had a brief chat with my 10 year old a few weeks back and I'm sure she still believes. I intend to tell her after Christmas is over and done with, but I'm happy that she has another year of it all.

beepbeeprichie · 23/12/2019 07:37

Absolutely winnie. People can be so sneery on here about children over about 6 who still believe. So what?! Just because your child figured it out doesn’t make you or yours any better than those who want to believe in magic. The timing is really shitty though. And quite mean. It’s only a couple of days til Xmas- the schools are off, he’s not going to get bullied about it, so why now? Arsehole behaviour.

sandybanana · 23/12/2019 14:09

No I would be livid.

Not her place . At all.

I would be telling her so as well

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