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Original poster

Is it ok to be '' off 'with sister.

38 replies

VictoriaBun · 22/12/2019 12:02

I'm probably going to be flamed here, but here's the story :
Sister 36 , not married, good career, lots of holidays etc.
Has been in a relationship for about 2 years. Has been talking to me about time running out for starting a family, wants a family etc.
Relationship hits a bad patch, tells mum and me she's going to give it a few months to see how it goes ( that was August )
October realises she pregnant. Umms and ahhs. about relationship, partner isn't very keen but says we'll just to get on with it. She starts to discuss possible names for it.
Suddenly she finishes the relationship, saying it won't work etc.
Still discussing pregnancy , how she feels , her plans etc, just usual new mum to be chat.
My mum phones me up to tell me she's now booked herself into clinic to have a termination on 2nd Jan, she will be 14 weeks by then .
I can't help but think she's doing this because on the grape vine her ex is in contact with his last gf .
I know her body ,her choice and all that.
But I can't help but think she is really going to regret this and it will mess her up.

OP posts:
HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 22/12/2019 12:03

No, it’s not okay to be off with her.

You’re pro choice or you’re not.

pinkhighlighter2 · 22/12/2019 12:04

No you shouldn't be off with her. She needs your support and love

Bodear · 22/12/2019 12:04

It’s none of your business. She’s a grown woman capable of her own decisions. Just be there for her if you can and if you can’t then at least don’t be judgemental.

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Knittedfairies · 22/12/2019 12:05

Not your business. I would like to think my sister would be more supportive than you appear to be.

Original poster
VictoriaBun · 22/12/2019 12:06

I'm not judging and not saying anything to her, as I've said her choice. But I know my sister and know it's being done because of ex.

OP posts:
Original poster
VictoriaBun · 22/12/2019 12:06

I've not said any thing to my sister.

OP posts:
jaggynettle · 22/12/2019 12:07

She won't have come to this decision lightly. She needs your support. With respect, keep your opinion to yourself and be there for her.

WatchingTheMoon · 22/12/2019 12:07

Oh my God, just be kind to her. You don't know what's going on in her head.

Original poster
VictoriaBun · 22/12/2019 12:09

It's not an ' opinion ' per se. I've not given her any opinion. It is her business.
I came on her for advice. In retrospect my title was wrong , I'm not judging her, only questioning her reason for it.

OP posts:
sproutsgalore · 22/12/2019 12:10

She needs all the love and support and kindness and hugs you can possibly give her. She's going through an awful time. Be nice to her.

Original poster
VictoriaBun · 22/12/2019 12:11

Ok obviously a statement / asking advice that has been taken not in the way I was expecting. I'll ask for it to be removed.

OP posts:
MaJoady · 22/12/2019 12:12

But if you're going to be "off" with her then you are judging...

It must be terrifying to not know the state of your relationship when you're on a deadline to decide whether or not to bring a child into the mess. Be kind.

AiryFairyMum · 22/12/2019 12:16

Maybe talk to her about it?

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 22/12/2019 12:17

OK. So she's doing it because of her EX. Because she's realised he isn't going to be supportive and she's going to be alone raising a child with not enough emotional of physical support.

Sounds like she's making a sensible decision.

You on the other hand should give your head a wobble.

KnickerBockerAndrew · 22/12/2019 12:19

Any reasons she has are the right reasons for her. It's nothing to do with you. Be nice. You sound really very judgmental and unkind.

Original poster
VictoriaBun · 22/12/2019 12:21

I have given my head a wobble and asked for the post to be removed.
I'm a caring sister , my ' off with her ' was probably a strong remark.
All that I was trying to say is I know in a few years she will regret this. That is all.

OP posts:
ClinkyMonkey · 22/12/2019 12:24

Even though she's your sister, you really don't know everything that's in her head. You only think you do. She's an adult and has made a decision she feels is appropriate for her. I doubt she's done so without a great deal of thought. Whether she ends up regretting it or not, she's going to need your support.

maidenover · 22/12/2019 12:27

Maybe she won’t regret it, maybe she’ll just accept that she made the right decision given the hand she was dealt.

Redcrayons · 22/12/2019 12:29

It’s not ok to be off with her for this.

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 22/12/2019 12:32

Are you 12? Why on earth would you be off with your sister who is clearly going through a shit time? Are you jealous the attention is on her right now? What on Earth do you have to be off with her for? None of it is about you! If you disagree with abortion- fine- say that. But don’t pretend you’re being off with her because you disagree with her reasons. Her reasons are perfectly valid. She doesn’t want to have a baby with someone she is no longer with. That’s a really smart and difficult decision.

PurpleDaisies · 22/12/2019 12:33

All that I was trying to say is I know in a few years she will regret this. That is all.

How patronising. She is a grown woman capable of making her own decision.

Disfordarkchocolate · 22/12/2019 12:34

If her reason is that she will have an uncommitted person to parent with who is more than likely to mess her and any child about she may have decided she can't manage to parent in those circumstances. It's a valid choice even if it's not one you would make.

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 22/12/2019 12:36

I mean why would you want your sister to become a parent under these circumstances? Single parenting is no fucking joke. Parenting with an ex is really hard. Why wouldn’t you breathe a sigh of relief when you heard she was terminating?

WireBrushAndDettolMaam · 22/12/2019 12:36

All that I was trying to say is I know in a few years she will regret this. That is all.

You don’t know that at all.

OceanSunFish · 22/12/2019 12:40

Maybe you've used unfortunate wording OP. I'm sure you are feeling sympathy for your sister. But being 'off' with her implies that you are cross with her but aren't going to talk about it directly, you're just going to be short with her and not explain why. How would that help? If that's not what you meant, what did you mean?

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