Can't sleep

[goingtoneedabiggercar]

Hi,
Can't sleep tonight and wondered if anyone else was about?

Hi OP, what’s on your mind?

I just got home from an evening out so still a little wired.

Ooh! Christmas do? There seems to be a lot of it about this weekend. Hope you had a good night. It's been ages since I had a night out.

I have a lot of anxiety around my shiny new DS waiting on a referral to perinatal mental health but until then I only really sleep during the day when I know he's safe with my awake DH.

Oh I’m sorry @goingtoneedabiggercar that sounds really tough. I’ve suffered with high levels of anxiety at times and was very scared when my dd was born.

I’m just up feeding my newborn ds...the early days are bloody hard, but I hope you get the support you need. Have they told you how long the wait is?

Thanks @LauraPalmersBodybag they should phone me first but I don't know when and I know that Christmas and new year will delay things a bit. Looking back I was very anxious my whole pregnancy but it was played down as "normal" I really don't think it was. Congrats on your DS how old is he?

Thank you. He’s 10 weeks.

I really do understand where you’re coming from. With both my pregnancies I’ve teetered on the edge of ‘normal’ and I’m sure I had undiagnosed pnd with my dd.

Do you mind my asking what it is that you find so troubling?

I had a MC years ago and from the day I fell pregnant again I started waiting for what was going to go wrong, initially MC, then abnormalities then early labour. I didn't actually think I would ever meet him and was actually quite surprised when they handed him to me in theatre.
I thought that once he was born I would accept that I got to keep him but that's not the case, my worry just now is that I'll leave him in his car seat too long and he'll fit or the biggest one SIDS. I wasn't able to breastfeed successfully and I know that halves the risk of SIDS so if (when) I do lose him it'll be my fault because I let him down.
It's exhausting and it's a vicious cycle because the more tired I am the more irrational I become. I can't imagine watching him growing up because I'm quite convinced he won't make it. Logically I know he was a very healthy birth weight and was born at term, we don't smoke, he goes to sleep on his back with no loose covers. He sleeps in our room and I'm obsessive about checking it's not too hot but I can't help it.

👋 Hello, I'm wide awake with a nasty cold that I thought was a chest infection but might not be after all thankfully. Just moved house which was horrific baa it all went wrong and then right in the end (see my prev thread under this name if you want a story to read :))
Just feel sick now... Came down stairs had tea and toast and about to go back up and try again.

Good luck with your appt, I'm guessing you've tried all the herbal remedies? Xxx

Thanks @CantSleepWontSleep19 a story sounds good, I'll try and track that down. I've tried some kalms but I kind of don't want to sleep because if I'm awake I can make sure DS is ok, if I sleep I can't do that.

@goingtoneedabiggercar I was EXACTLY the same with my DS. I swear I barely slept for a year and it got worse when he was diagnosed with a heart murmur. I used to freak out at night because he was so cold and shake him awake to make sure he was still alive. When he was able to stand and crawl I became convinced he would somehow open the locked window in his room and jump out. It all calmed down when I started taking Sertraline so you're doing the best thing getting help.

Hello, cant sleep either! Just done the night feed and both baby and DH are snoring away zzz xx

@fligglepige I'm sorry you felt like that but it's nice to know I'm not alone, I feel like I'm losing it a bit. I basically have to be so tired I can't keep my eyes open before I can get any sleep at all. I don't know what will be suggested but this is no way to live, having a baby is supposed to be tiring but this takes the biscuit.

I second sertraline for post natal anxiety. Don't delay! You should be given an emergency appointment if you say you have post natal anxiety, I know I was. Dh rang and said I ld just had a baby and couldn't cope. They had me straight in, prescribed sertraline and referred for counselling. It really worked.

Thank you @Inittowinit2020 I did go to then GP but she wanted to wait until my 6 week check to see if I was any better. The health visitor made the referral to the mental health team.

I think it would be a good idea to try and get in tomorrow. You could at least get a prescription, even if you don't take them immediately.

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time @goingtoneedabiggercar, but congratulations on your baby boy.

I haven't experienced the same as you but have had severe anxiety. It is exhausting without having a newborn so you're doing amazing! Hope you start feeling better soon.

I've found listening to relaxing music really helpful for those times when I couldn't sleep- doesn't necessarily make you fall asleep but gives your mind a little break. Search for 'best relaxing piano studio ghibli collection'. That one always calms my mind, beautiful music.

@Inittowinit2020 I'll think about it, I really struggle to start a conversation about mental health, as if they'll think I'm at it.

@Winkywoop thank you, I'll give that a go tonight.

Everyone's so kind to try and help me.

@goingtoneedabiggercar.... If worry more about being too sleep deprived to look after your little one properly than going to sleep and something happening. You need to look after yourself so you can look after your baby xxx

Have you got a breathing monitor for him? My anxiety was worse with number 2 and I couldn’t sleep without a breathing monitor for her. She had it until she was 3!

@Perid0t I was reluctant to get one in case it made me feel worse. I was worried that I'd become obsessed with it.

@CantSleepWontSleep19 oh I know you're right luckily DH is able to watch him so I can still get some sleep during the day. I know I need to sleep but I can't wind my mind down enough to even think about it most of the night.

Emergency gp appt it is then @goingtoneedabiggercar for baby's sake xxx

That’s how I felt about my eldest - refused to get one in case it made me worse. But I soon realised if I wanted to sleep then I needed one. It made my mental health better. I got one which flashed a blue light with every breath so I could see it on the monitor when she went into her own room. I didn’t need to look for chest movement then - just that light flashing told me she was fine. The alarm did go off twice - both times when she was bigger and had rolled right against the bars so wasn’t registering breaths properly. It didn’t make me worse at all, definitely better.

Doctors can't see me until tomorrow morning so I'm going in then to speak to them. I'm looking in to a breathing mat, I think I'll be able to get one second hand.

Good news! Here's to a brighter 2020!

Made some good choices! 👍 All the best for Christmas and the New year xxx

Thanks everyone, the doctor was lovely, she referred me for counselling and prescribed some anti-depressants and sleeping tablets. I'm a bit apprehensive as I've never taken anything like that before but I can't keep feeling like this. Thanks again for the push I needed to go.