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Original poster

Twenty five years ago tomorrow since ds1 died....

62 replies

Elderflower14 · 21/12/2019 16:01

Feeling very sad. He was born prematurely... He had a brain haemorrhage at birth.. We had to make the decision to switch off his life support two hours later...
I've been thinking so much... Would he be married now and would I have grandchildren?
Mum and I were driving home just now and Stay Another Day came on the radio... I was sobbing... That was No 1 when ds1 was born.
Ds2 is coming home tomorrow and we are going to the grave... Just wish I had both of them with me... 😔 😔 😔 😔

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
endofthelinefinally · 21/12/2019 17:03

I am so sorry for your loss. The pain and heartbreak are always there.
This will be the 4th Christmas without my darling son. It doesn't get any easier.
Flowers

cwg1 · 21/12/2019 17:12
Flowers
ReeRi · 21/12/2019 17:13

Thanks @BooksAreMyOnlyFriends

And sorry to everyone else who has lost a baby or someone they love

Notwiththeseknees · 21/12/2019 17:22

Im so sorry OP, how absolutely awful and my sincere sympathy to all of you who have lost someone close, even more so if it was your child. Christmas must be very difficult and I wish you all strength and light.

Original poster
Elderflower14 · 21/12/2019 17:22

My niece was born 6 weeks before Jack and my godson 4 weeks after... 😔 😔

OP posts:
PartyintheKitchen · 21/12/2019 17:23

Flowers for you and Jack.

My son shares Jack's birthday. He was stillborn 7 yrs ago tomorrow. I miss him. Sometimes at this time of year I well up and feel so desperately sad. So what I always do is go out and buy the most ginormous bunch of flowers to remember him every year, it makes me feel good to spend money on him as really I should be buying him a birthday present if he was here.

Take care x

purplepandas · 21/12/2019 17:25

Sending love and remembering Jack with you Flowers. From one bereaved Mum to another, wishing you gentle days ahead. The wondering what could have been is so hard. You carry Jack with you always.

Livebythecoast · 21/12/2019 17:31

Flowers for you, Jack and every other parent who has lost a baby/child. ❤

Original poster
Elderflower14 · 21/12/2019 17:34

I've got this for his grave.. His late father made a wooden cross which went on on his first birthday... I have a lovely friend who regularly varnishes it for me...

Twenty five years ago tomorrow since ds1 died....
OP posts:
Firecarrier · 21/12/2019 17:44

The angel decoration is lovely.

I know we don't know eachother but hearing about your precious Jack has just touched me really deeply, I can't imagine how difficult this season must be for you but I just wanted to wish you a peaceful Christmas (as much as you can).

I hope you're able get some comfort from the time with your other son.

From one mother to another Flowers

DramaAlpaca · 21/12/2019 17:45

I'm so sorry Elderflower Flowers

Pannalash · 21/12/2019 17:48

So sorry for the loss of Jack 💙

Hollygaggles · 21/12/2019 17:48

I'm so sorry you lost your darling boy. Flowers

ParkheadParadise · 21/12/2019 17:50

Sorry for your loss 💞

DurhamDurham · 21/12/2019 17:50

Sending lots of love, the fact that you think of baby Jack like that demonstrates the strength of love you all have for him. You sound so lovely.
When you pick your son up tomorrow give him an extra hug from us all 💐 xxx

Original poster
Elderflower14 · 21/12/2019 17:51

I have a corner unit it is covered in angels...(and puffins) Jack has an angel every year from me and my best friend gives me one every year for Christmas as well....

Twenty five years ago tomorrow since ds1 died....
Twenty five years ago tomorrow since ds1 died....
OP posts:
Original poster
Elderflower14 · 21/12/2019 17:55

He's buried in a tiny country churchyard. On one side are my grandfather's brother and sister who died in childhood in the early 1990s. My Dad and Grandma have joined him... Randomly and bizarrely the ex husband of a Celeb is buried on the other side of him.
There are two other little boys buried in the churchyard too.. I make a point of always saying hello to them when we go...

OP posts:
ReeRi · 21/12/2019 18:07

That’s a lovely thing to do to remember Jack OP. My DD is buried in a part of the graveyard sadly for babies and I usually go and see the other babies too

I wish you strength for tomorrow. Sometimes the thought of the day is worse than the day itself

@PartyintheKitchen I’m sorry for the loss of your son too. I understand the comfort in buying something for our babies. I want to buy something for my DD for Christmas whether a cuddly toy that we keep at home or something for her grave or both

Original poster
Elderflower14 · 21/12/2019 18:11

These two songs are very special...

OP posts:
mrssoap · 21/12/2019 18:20

Sorry for your loss. Jack is a lovely name xx

ParkheadParadise · 21/12/2019 18:30

@Elderflower14
To Where You Are was played at my dd's funeral.
We also have part of the lyrics on a memorial stone beside my dd's grave.

Whatdayisit2 · 21/12/2019 18:32

Big hugs to you OP and Jack. I happen to believe you will be reunited one day and I hope you find comfort xxx

ReeRi · 21/12/2019 18:46

I discovered To Where You Are when selecting songs for my DD’s funeral. We didn’t use it but I love the song and it makes me think of my DD and I cry whenever I listen to it. I don’t know the other one but will look it up.

IHaveBrilloHair · 21/12/2019 18:49

Love you Gorgeous, you know where I am.
XxStar

thesunhasgothishatontoday · 21/12/2019 18:57

I'm so sorry. People think that you should cope better with time but it's not true. My twins were born sleeping 24 years ago in January and I feel it gets harder every year. Like you. Think about what they would be doing now. I went on to have another 4 children after them and again there is an expectation that also makes it easier.
Be kind to yourself and do whatever it is that makes the day a little brighter.
Sending hugs xxx

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