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Please help me claw back my sobriety

41 replies

justanothergirllooking · 20/12/2019 21:43

I desperately need to hear from people who have managed to stay sober. I've been sober for three years now, and I need kind words to keep me on the straight and narrow this evening.
Sorry if this offends anyone or annoys anyone.

OP posts:
FranticFestiveFeelings · 20/12/2019 21:47

I'm rooting for you OP Flowers

justanothergirllooking · 20/12/2019 21:50

Thank you franticfestivefeelings

OP posts:
nitgel · 20/12/2019 21:52

Think about how you would feel tomorrow? Whats tempting you ?

OlivejuiceU2 · 20/12/2019 21:53

It’s not worth it OP, think how good it’s going to feel when you get through tonight sober! You have the power to do it!

meringue33 · 20/12/2019 21:53

Can you get to a meeting tonight or tomorrow? Ring your sponsor or sobriety friend x

RumpoleoftheBaileys · 20/12/2019 21:55

You can do this. You have come so far and done so well. You are greater than this addiction and you will beat it.

In asking for help, you’ve already won.

teentree · 20/12/2019 21:55

Sometimes I get this feeling. I have so far managed to stay away from it and always wake up on the morning with a huge feeling of relief.

Is there anything you can do to distract you just now?

justanothergirllooking · 20/12/2019 21:56

The thought of another shitty Christmas, the thought of how much work I have to do, despite being finished for the year, the thought of having to go back in January. The thought of being a shitty single mum to my daughter who deserves better than me. Basically the same loop I have going around my head all the time! I think this time of year makes it worse...

OP posts:
nitgel · 20/12/2019 22:00

Think logically. How would drinking improve this , it just wouldnt. It would take you back too far

TurnOffTheTv · 20/12/2019 22:00

Imagine how utterly shit you feel tomorrow, all that hard work for nothing, such a waste of what you’ve achieved. You KNOW that drinking will not make this better. It will only send you into a downward spiral. Please don’t x

Rollerbird · 20/12/2019 22:01

I have stayed sober for about the same time.
For me I think about the times I've said to mys how glad I am that I don't drink any more.
I think about WHY I stopped, and how the me I am now is in such a better place than I was.
How much freedom I now have to make my own decisions.
Agree with trying to get a distraction.
Rooting for you.

TurnOffTheTv · 20/12/2019 22:01

It’s 10pm, brush your teeth and get into bed and listen to a podcast on your phone.

pointythings · 20/12/2019 22:05

You're 3 years sober. That makes you the un-shittiest mum to your DD that you could be. You've done the single most amazing thing you could do for her: overcome an addiction. This is a tough time of year if you're a single parent - I'm one too, though my DDs are older teens. It's lonely, you carry all the load yourself, work is frantic, it's dark and shit weather.

So be kind to yourself, take a break from the rat race. Light a candle for yourself and watch the flame - that's you.

You will get through this.

babbi · 20/12/2019 22:08

You sound very down.
Please try not to be so hard on yourself.
If you’re a single parent you have a hard shift- but kudos to you - you’re doing it .
Go to bed and think how good you’ll feel in the morning- you’ll have avoided drink because it’s not good for you .
Do it for your daughter as well as yourself .. that makes a good mum ...
Take care and stay strong x

Keep posting if it helps ... just do what it takes to avoid it ...
Single mum here rooting for you x

Airhows · 20/12/2019 22:08

What age is your daughter op? I agree with pps, distraction is the key. And yy to a podcast too. You would feel absolutely dreadful tomorrow if you have a drink now, and that will pull you further into the negative thinking cycle.

It is a difficult time of year Flowers

I am totally rooting for you, you know you can do it 💪

milliefiori · 20/12/2019 22:18

You know booze won;t make any of the things you mentioned better. But it really will make them worse. It would just add another stress factor to the list.
Instead, take the list you wrote and think of one small thing you can do to improve things, just a tiny bit.

The thought of another shitty Christmas - think of a three things you can do with yoru daughter that you can enjoy this Christmas - watching a shared film, going to a carol service, looking at the lights and window displays, a few food treats, dancing in the kitchen to Christmas songs, making some decorations together, cooking together etc - just do a few of these.

the thought of how much work I have to do, despite being finished for the year, the thought of having to go back in January. Put these out of your mind for now - allow yourself a few days where you don;t do any work or think of work at all.

The thought of being a shitty single mum to my daughter who deserves better than me - what woudl a better mum do? Do it.

In terms of that urge of wanting a drink, plan some good treat alcohol free drinks - Virgin Mary, Virgin Mojito, alco-free beer or shandy, cranberry an draspberry with sparkling water and ice, Apple and ginger with mint etc. Get them all in for yourself so you and your daughter can have some festive drinks together, or a celebratory drink to mark the end of a tough working day. A long, iced mocktail does the trick.

Khione · 20/12/2019 22:21

You can do this Flowers

justanothergirllooking · 20/12/2019 22:22

My dd is 2.5So you could say I've been sober for a bit longer than 3 years...
I just feel so shitty at this time of the year... I feel like I've let her down by choosing an utter twatbadger for a father for her.
I was supposed to wrap her presents this evening, but quite frankly all I want to do is cry.
I just feel that I've tried so bloody hard, and the moment I found out I was pregnant I gave up drinking full stop. Didn't stop my ex using it against me.
I have had the week from hell, crashed my car because I was so fucking tired, probably going to lose my job because I was essentially bullied at work and I spoke out about it. Ugh. Christmas is supposed to be such a magical time.

OP posts:
Airhows · 20/12/2019 22:30

Oh op it's not your fault that your daughter's father is a twatbag Flowers Fuck him. Take your daughter out tomorrow and do some free or inexpensive Christmas activities to help you both feel the magic xx

Airhows · 20/12/2019 22:31

Can you try a guided meditation on YouTube to help empty your head of the thoughts?

Nomorewineever · 20/12/2019 22:40

I’ve had struggles myself. The only way I do this is to keep thinking how transient everything is - this moment will be another moment and you don’t need alcohol to move from one moment to another it’ll just happen anyway. And when time does roll on, look at 5 minutes ago. You did that 5 minutes you can do the next. And you did yesterday. And last week. And what a waste of sodding good meaningful time thinking about booze - don’t let it control you - get tough and kick it’s ass because you can do this. You really can.

BringMeTea · 20/12/2019 22:44

You can not drink tonight and will certainly feel happier tomorrow when you don't. Anyone trusted you can call or message? It's hard. But it's well within your power. KOKO. Flowers

justanothergirllooking · 20/12/2019 22:50

You are all right. I've wasted so much time this evening dithering and worrying about having a sodding drink, when really that is the least of my worries and will only make life worse!!! I just seriously struggle at christmas. It just seems to just get harder each year. I don't want to go back to how I was before, but sometimes the temptation for total obliteration is there.

Airhows have you got any recommendations?

OP posts:
limpbizkit · 20/12/2019 22:55

Hang on in there dear woman! Been there. You're doing something called 'catastrophising' and you know it too deep down. Your taking all of your negatives and you're piling them up to justify the desire to contemplate a drink. Imagine if you were a week or so into your sobriety? You'd turn all your doubts and disasters on their head and look for the positives? Imagine you're only a week in. Be loving to yourself. Not too much pressure on yourself. Watch a film on amazon prime. Have a hot chocolate and light a nice scented candle and chill. Work on your problems when you've had a chance to sleep. Also if you're drinking was anything like mine take a moment to reflect on thr hell.... Go on I dare you. I think of myself falling on the floor flashing my underwear almost passed out at my cousins wedding with my two children present. Ugly times. I shudder just writing it down. I'm so grateful I'm sober and behave normally now without all the guilt shame and degradation. You've got this Smile

limpbizkit · 20/12/2019 23:04

Ps before I got sober I was totally convinced that everybody drank sr Christmas. Totally sure of it. I was the only poor old sod having to stay sober. Its only when I stopped drinking that I realised plenty of people just don't drink at Christmas. People drive to attend Xmas meals at restaurants and relatives houses and think nothing of it. Many parents of young children and babies don't drink because they feel too responsible for the kids. Some people just don't consider the need. Shops sell it to us big style at Christmas because its fantastic for marketing. Best Christmas prep I've had this year with the kids and wider family. I live dancing to Christmas music and getting all Christmassy and silly. Nice to be organised too with the prezzies rather than having an amazon box turn up with a load of shite I didn't renember ordering with no idea who I ordered it for! Don't believe the illusion that everyone treats Christmas as a piss up. Its honestly not true

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