How to make a space for autistic 11 yr old?

[Ivebeentohellanditscalledikea]

My 11 yr old is autistic (just diagnosed) and is prone to massive violent meltdowns at home and when out with me. CAMHS have suggested that I give him a place to get away from it all but I have very little space to do this so thought I'd come to you all for advice.

He shares with his brother and we live in a three bed place with my dd in the box room and me in the other double. I really don't know how to make this space for him?

This is a very badly drawn picture of their befroom. W = wardrobe D = drawers

Is there enough space for a half cabin bed and his safe space could be under it?

Cupboard under the stairs?

Xpost with your diagram.

Two of my sons share a room and we got them raised beds, they're about 4 feet off the floor, with a ladder, and they are curtained off so the under the bed space is like a den for them. They were seven and nine when we got them, and it gave them a little space of their own. There was a clear rule that if brother is in there, leave him alone, we knock on the post of we want them, and basically treat the curtains as "walls".

Partition your double to make an additional bedroom?

I wondered about the space underneath a mid-sleeper bed, too. The cheap IKEA one has quite a bit of space underneath, enough for a bean bag and you/ someone good with a needle could run up some curtains to pin to the frame.

Otherwise, if they can't be separated in space, can they be separated in time somehow during waking hours? One in bedroom, one in lounge maybe?

Could you use the wardrobe as room divider? Or curtains?
The question really is where is the window? And would a darker corner help him calm down?

Some sort of tented/curtained cosy book nook with reading lamp?

have a look at safespaces.co.uk

DD has one of these reversible beds, as a high sleeper with a den underneath:

www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/kura-reversible-bed-white-pine-80253809/

(sorry about that, in view of your username )

She has a tent over the top (can be bought with the bed) and underneath is a sensory den with soft cushions, fairy lights, weighted blanket, fiddle toys, chewies etc. She will now sometimes say "I need my fairy lights!" before having the meltdown which is amazing.

That might not be enough for an 11yo though. Is there a pattern to when he melts down? And when he does, is there a sensory pattern to how he does? Realising that DD needs sensory input especially to have something to kick against was really useful for us. Other things which you could try are resistance bands hanging from a door frame (but not if he has any self harm impulses) if he needs something to pull or push against, or a dark tent if he needs sensory reduction (you can get these on amazon or on Cheap Disability Aids).

Finally this page is really good and has links to private groups, where you might find some more advice www.facebook.com/TheSENDVCBProject/

Like this? (I also meant reading corner but forgot the words )

What about a pop up tent?

My DD has a mid sleeper and has used the under bed space as a safe space when feeling overwhelmed / stressed out. (Not autistic).

Thank you for all your advice. The doubles are pretty small so may have a look into a high sleeper. The woman I spoke to didn't really seem to get that not everyone has room to give them all their own room or to build a shed.

What are the dimensions of your biggest room? I’ve just built a partition wall to divide a room so my 2 dses could have a room each. Resulting rooms are 2.63x 2.2. They’ve room for a single bed each with drawers underneath, a triple wardrobe and a desk.

Previously we’d divided one of the smaller doubles with wardrobes down the middle but that still felt like a shared space.

My children (1 is autistic) both have mid sleepers with a den underneath. They have fairy lights, cushions and a beanbag in them. I made some curtains for DD but DS prefers a blanket over his.

Autistic DS (8) takes his kindle with headphones up there when it gets too much. He also has a weighted blanket:

Maybe it would be worth giving your DS the box room and working on an alternative solution for your DD (assuming she is more able to be flexible).

Or is there a room downstairs you could use as your bedroom?

No advice but I really feel for you. We were in the same boat so the 4 year old was in with me and DH (she had a toddler bed in a corner of our room, which was also had my study area!)

You say you don't have room for a shed so I assume you couldn't get a clapped out caravan for the drive (just as a quiet retreat- not to sleep in!).

Have you got a dining room you could sacrifice for a bedroom?

May I suggest an indoor tent of some sorts? Like a teepee, or even the ones IKEA have that are like circus tents? It can go in any room with space then, even moved around if necessary.

My asd ds had a pop up tent at that age. He would sometimes just put it on his bed and sit in it. Everyone knew not to disturb him when he was inside it because it meant he was really struggling.

We have a tiny house and he shares a 9ft square room with his brother. Hence he would often put the tent on his bed.

I sleep in the living room. Is that an option fo you or is downstairs really too small. (some are tiny)

What does he need during a meltdown?
As LauraMipsum says above, his sensory needs will give you a good indication of the type of 'space' he needs. Whether that's deep pressure/weighted cushions, or a blackout tent, soft blankets to hide under, a swing/trampoline to get vestibular input.
It may not be a literal space, but more of a place/activity he knows he can go to when he's reaching the point of no return