Irish MNers- how can I have a small wedding?

[DarkBrownEyes]

I am quite religious and would really love to be married in my own church.

I am also a nervous wreck and really, really don't want the big wedding with 300 cousins and a barbecue.

We spoke about only inviting my parents and his parents, but then we'd break his Granny's heart. But once you invite his Granny, you have to invite my Auntie Mary, and then...

I also don't want to be seen as rude. I like going to weddings and although I've always covered my plate, I don't want people thinking I'm not giving them a day out.

Ideally I would like to get married in my own church and use the church hall for an afternoon tea.

But would it fall very flat? Would people think we're mean?

Bump!

I had the same problem. I got married in Europe (2 hour flight) and had 35 people. It was awesome.

God, I don't know about eloping. Did you pay for your 35 people?

Elope? DBro got married in Oz and still about 30 people traveled from Ireland for it. Hard to escape a big wedding if you have a big extended family.

Consider getting married on a weekday? Lot of people won't be able to make it?

Be very clear about what the day entails...if there isn't alcohol then let that be known beforehand.

what about heading away to get married and then a blessing or something similar in your local church if thats what u want?

I had a similar issue a few years ago. I compromised and it was actually a lovely relaxed simple day.... side chapel at the church, restricts the wedding attendees - smaller numbers for the day & do an early evening reception at 5, that way you get a smaller actual wedding but the wider family get a bbq/tea at tea time??

Don't tell anyone that you are getting married. Talk to your priest about a nice quiet low-key day to do it, explain that you want to be married but don't want a wedding, and just do it. Honestly, I am sure loads of people will be relieved at not having to drop a lump of money and a days holiday on another wedding.

The church isn't bothering me as such, that's the bit I want. I could get my lot down to about 50/60, although that would be excluding a lot of my parents' friends etc and a lot of them have been and still are very very generous to me.

It's such a pressure.

Definitely not keen on walking down the aisle though [waaah]

Do it in a church hall. Not every wedding has to be in powerscourt! People will not think less of you. I wouldnt. It might be more relaxed.

Pass the money saving down though. Dress code "something you already own".

It's the party bit which I really don't want!

What would you honestly- HONESTLY- think of

• wedding mass
• huge tea with cakes, buffet etc
• doing a proper going away and heading up to the airport straight away?

That's really what I'd like. I don't want to get into a tiny wedding or eloping but still having 'something' the day or week after.

I'm Scottish rather than irish, but your plan sounds lovely. I'd support any friend who did this.

I expect ireland is the same as over here though, and anyone who fancies it can go to the mass? My friend had a full wedding mass and a lot of parishioners (is that the right word) came along to support them anyway despite not being invited to the do after

Ah yeah, that'd be totally fine. I know am related to everyone in the parish anyway.

Honestly, I wouldn't stress. Do it your way and enjoy it. Theres no point doing it to please other folk as theyll always find something to mkan about anyway!

Great idea, and something different so I’m sure will be fine... there’s no point in doing something you’d hate, it’s your day! Doing it on a Friday afternoon will mean some people won’t book the time off!

The radio silence is worrying me they're all trying to think of polite ways to say cop yourself on and hire out a hotel!

I’m Irish and have been to approx 4 million weddings. Irish and English wedding culture is worlds apart. (No idea about Scotland or Wales.)

If you have a small wedding, some people will moan behind your back about you being cheap etc etc BUT these are the same people that would moan if you had a big do because they would have to fork out for presents, outfits, organise transport, hotel etc etc. My mum is one of these people

I couldn’t bear the thought of a big wedding and got married in hotel in England with just a meal after for parents and siblings. We had a massive piss up in Ireland a month later to keep everyone happy but I didn’t mind that as I was already married so it wasn’t like being the main act at a circus, and there was no need for speeches and all the organisation and expense of a huge wedding.

I think a tea-party sounds lovely - piles of scones and lots of clotted cream - and if people want to moan, let them. It's your day.

Not Irish but I did similar to what you said you wanted.

Service 3pm I think
Buffet afterwards in the church hall attached
Went about 6.30pm on honeymoon

BUT these are the same people that would moan if you had a big do

I like this take on it!

I think the going away on honeymoon idea is genius.
It was the done thing 30 years ago - complete with going away outfits!

Late church, small venue, constant chatter about only wanting a small wedding and being so happy about it then skedaddle to airport. Show your biggest gossipiest cousins a pinterest board of your dream wedding, quiet, casual etc.

It's the venue I think that will make it ir break it for you, if people are invited to a hotel they will assume its hats and 4 courses and a band and will want to cover their plate for that. Which might cause grumbling if that's not what they get.

Maybe a hog roast or similar in a marquee?

Buffet in a hall worked well for us, round tables and no seating plan 😂