Irish MNers- how can I have a small wedding?

[DarkBrownEyes]

I am quite religious and would really love to be married in my own church.

I am also a nervous wreck and really, really don't want the big wedding with 300 cousins and a barbecue.

We spoke about only inviting my parents and his parents, but then we'd break his Granny's heart. But once you invite his Granny, you have to invite my Auntie Mary, and then...

I also don't want to be seen as rude. I like going to weddings and although I've always covered my plate, I don't want people thinking I'm not giving them a day out.

Ideally I would like to get married in my own church and use the church hall for an afternoon tea.

But would it fall very flat? Would people think we're mean?

Some of my family invited the aunts and uncles and then just the cousins they were closest too. No children either. You can save on other areas. I did my own make up and flowers, my SIL made the cake as her wedding gift. DU did photography as his gift. No favours, photo booths or sweet tables...not necessary at all.

I think the going away on honeymoon idea is genius.

Honestly I nearly cheered out loud when I read that.

I've a particular auntie who emits gossip like a radio beacon so I can get her onto spreading the word.

It's the venue I think that will make it ir break it for you

I'd really like to use the parish hall.

Just do the "we're having a retro wedding, you know Parish Hall, sandwich buffet and wedding cake then heading off"

Just ensure your Aunt broadcasts it all

How many people can fit comfortably in the Hall if they are seated? Huge table for the buffet and drinks will take up "guest" space

Do you like vintage? Why not make it a vintage style wedding in your church hall? Nice flowers (local supermarket cheap ones) in Inexpensive vintage vases along the table, bunting, old fashioned teacups plates and saucers if you can get enough, and traditional afternoon tea foods; small sandwiches, traditional style cakes, scones etc. Homemade style lemonade. Get changed into your going away outfit, throw your supermarket flowers bouquet, do the scramble, and go on honeymoon. Job done.

Nobody can say it’s cheap. You can say No, It’s Vintage! They can’t say anything to that!!

The older generation will be happy with that (and may well be able to lend you enough vintage vases, cups and plates etc if the church have horrid 1980s ones (you can’t use those) and no doubt relatives will offer to do a cake or some sausage rolls, or quiche etc. like they would back in the day when you brought a food item with you as everyone was skint. (Or you just order your own and tell them it’s fine, your wedding your choice).

Can I come

Yes, that is exactly what I want. Flowers on the table, table cloths, nicely patterned delph and loads of cakes. That would be ideal.

I reckon it can hold at least 100. I've definitely been to big funerals in it. There's usually 9 tables with 8 seats set out after Sunday mass, and that's with a lot of space. I think we'd also have fewer colleagues if it wasn't a big do.

The going away on honeymoon thing straight away sounds fabulous. It really makes it about you as a couple and has a romantic feel to it. We flew out to our honeymoon the following morning at 8am so no next day thing which I loved. Had I my time back I'd do exactly what you are doing as the church is important to me as well.

Im Irish and really just do what you want.You wont please everyone,so why even try.

I think your wedding plan sounds wonderful.

My BIL & SIL wanted a small wedding, close family & friends only. They managed it by sandwiching their wedding in between a sister's wedding and a cousin's, both of whom had your typical Irish wedding of 250 plus guests.

It meant that all the relatives got invited to two weddings and didn't mind about missing the small one in between. Which turned out to be the best craic, only 35 people invited and great fun.

I've a cousin getting married soon. Bride and groom both wanted a small wedding. Invited are both sets of parents, siblings, remaining grandparents, one other relative (who has been very close) and a select amount of friends. My cousin does not want a big wedding, has told everyone that and if they don't like it they can lump it.

"What would you honestly- HONESTLY- think of*

• wedding mass
• huge tea with cakes, buffet etc
• doing a proper going away and heading up to the airport straight away?"

Fine, let it be know (via aunt); also let it be know you do not want anyone to go to the expense of a new outfit, staying over or the standard cash amount as a present. (I say this as I've been to a wedding as above and the biggest resentment was the amount of money they parted with for a 'tea party'.) If you stick with locals this will help!!

Go for it. Everyone will have been to 4 other weddings that year anyway so anything different is lovely!

I'd love it, I am trying to convince my kids it is the way ahead for weddings. We have had to fund attending a wedding in the states and a wedding at the far end of Ireland recently, so would happily go to a low key one.
Dh was invited to a colleague's wedding a few years ago, small church and restaurant in Kerry. Without me, due to restricted guest numbers; he didn't go. That's one approach to editing the guest list.

That sounds lovely to me. Much better than the usual marathon Irish wedding.

Thank you everyone

I won't be wearing a big white dress and it won't be fancy, so we'll be transmitting that all that out via Auntie Radio

I really want this. Keep your fingers crossed for me :)

I am Irish and had family only. I got mine down to 60, and I have 12 siblings! Parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, siblings and very close friends, plus partners. No cousins, no nephews and nieces, no neighbours or friends of parents. Worked for us. I have never been to an Irish wedding in a church hall though, I thought that was more of a UK thing? Not that it would bother me in the slightest, it sounds lovely.

I was at a wedding in England in a church hall, there wasn't enough food. I'd prefer afternoon tea, as long as there were loads of bits to eat. My inlaws love huge weddings with lots of country and western music and line dancing.