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Original poster

Is it normal to worry MORE as your DC get older?

40 replies

Tablepicture · 14/12/2019 20:09

DD is only 3.5 and I find myself worrying more and more about her every day. When they're babies you worry about them getting ill, hurting themselves and their development. But now it's all of that but also school choices, friendships, emotional wellbeing etc.

I can see potential for even more worry as she gets older and hits teenage years and adulthood!

Is this normal or am I being overly anxious? I am also pregnant and I don't know if it's partly to do with that.

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 14/12/2019 20:11

Yup.

DS is 16 now and I worry far more now than I did when he was younger.

ODFOkaren · 14/12/2019 20:12

God yes.

Ds is 17 and I’ve worried more over the years. I worry far less about my 5 year old.

CherryPlum · 14/12/2019 20:26

The worry never goes, it just changes and you worry about different things. It's exhausting!

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DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 14/12/2019 20:32

Wait until the first grandchild arrives, you'll need a cork up your arse permanently.

HuaShan · 14/12/2019 20:33

I remember my sister telling me this when ds was a tiny prem baby snd i coilf hsrdlt brlieve it. But yes, worries continue and it's harder often yo sort our the worries you have for an independent 17 yo!

SomethingSpecialzz · 14/12/2019 20:35

Do you all still worry when they’re adults? Mine are 16 and 17. I was hoping full time employment would end my worrying... but guess there’s relationships too... Confused

Foxes157 · 14/12/2019 20:37

Yes, with 3 teens that are discovering independence including one with her own car, it's more sleepless night inducing.

The baby days you are able to watch them constantly, the nursery and primary years you pick them up and arrange people to watch them.

The teen years you rely on them texting to let you know they're ok. Ultimately it's a lot of trust they keep safe and don't make unwise choices

hennipenni · 14/12/2019 20:37

My DD’s are 25, 22 and 18. I worry more now than when they were little, but the worries are very different.

Strangerthingshere · 14/12/2019 20:37

Yes, you always worry but the worries change

Winterdaysarehere · 14/12/2019 20:37

I have a few over 18 's and the worry is no less than under 18!!

Twospaniels · 14/12/2019 20:39

Perfectly normal.
Mine are 25 and 22 and if they’re out in town at night, or another city, I really worry about them. If they are due to come home I lay awake waiting to hear the door.
Probably exacerbated by the fact the older one got her drink spiked once, was put in a random taxi by the club bouncer, chucked out of the taxi by the driver and then we got a phone call at 3am from a very kind foreign lady who helped her and waited with her until we could get there, which was about 30 min car drive. Very scary.

Pinkarsedfly · 14/12/2019 20:43

My mum used to say, ‘When they’re little, they give you little worries. When they’re big, they give you big worries.’

She was right.

cobwebsoncornices · 14/12/2019 20:46

I think the first year or so is nerve wracking, especially with a firstborn, as you have no idea what is going on and what is normal (at least I didn't) and just keeping them alive to the end of the day can seem like a minor miracle. Mine are now mid way through primary & are pretty average and I am consciously not worrying about them as there is little that can go wrong outside of freak accidents. This has been brought about by having lots of colleagues who have teenagers & children in their 20s where major things are going on.

RingtheBells · 14/12/2019 20:55

Yes, the worrying does seem to ramp up in the teenage years though, the ages of 5-11 seemed to be the least worrying time

BackforGood · 14/12/2019 20:58

Not really at 3, I wouldn't have thought.

I was going to say "Yes", assuming you were talking about your teens going out without you, or your 17 yr olds driving their own cars, etc.

megletthesecond · 14/12/2019 21:00

Yep.
I have tweens and am a wreck. It's going to get worse too.

damekindness · 14/12/2019 21:00

My dad continued to worry about me as I turned 50... it's truly a life sentence!

Doilooklikeatourist · 14/12/2019 21:02

Yep , mine are in their 20 s , it’s no easier , different worries ,; not less though

user1493413286 · 14/12/2019 21:03

I worry about a wider amount of things now DD is 2.5; it used to be all physical things I worried about but now it’s those to a lesser extent and then all the things about behaviour, development, friendships etc. When she was newborn someone with an 8 year old said to me that in some ways it gets harder as they get older as it’s more about emotions etc and I can see what they were saying.

Waterandlemonjuice · 14/12/2019 21:05

Yep, bigger kids, bigger problems. Mine are in twenties and late teens and the following have happened: self harming, concerns about suicide, depression, difficulty with university work, friendship groups, taking ketamine, cocaine, weed, abusive relationships, anger management. Give me a 3.5 yo any day.

ShristmasChopper · 14/12/2019 21:06

Yep. 3 young adults here between 18 and 21.
Very proud of them and pretty much leave them to love those own live a but omg the lack of xontolmas to where they go and whatever goes on in thier lives can make it stressful. Obviously don't want control (they are thier own people now) but it's the worry and the fact I can't protect them from anything bad.
Middle dc is just going through thier first serious breakup 280 miles from home Sad so I'm worried more than usual tonight.

VioletCharlotte · 14/12/2019 21:09

Oh yes. When they're little you have some control about what's going on and at night they're safely tucked up in bed! When they're older, you never really know what they're up to! 18 year old DS2 is out clubbing tonight in another city. I worry about all sorts - drinking too much, drinks getting spiked, fights, getting separated from friends, getting home safely, losing his phone.

RingtheBells · 14/12/2019 21:11

It was quite odd though, when DS was at uni, I didn’t worry at all, but when he came home in the holidays the worrying would all set off again, especially when he went out at night even though he obviously went out at night at uni

Lllot5 · 14/12/2019 21:14

When I’ve been to see my mum I have to ring her to tell her I’m home safely I’m mid fifties so I’d say no you never stop worrying.

Probablythatone · 14/12/2019 21:18

I agree that the things you worry change as they get older. I still worry as much about mine and now have the extra worry factor of grandchildren. So it’s like worry x the number of grown up kids and grandchildren you have. Then I worry about my DC being worried or upset about their DC. I don’t think it really ends because whatever age they are if you love someone like you love your kids you will always be concerned about them at some level.