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Original poster

Is it normal to worry MORE as your DC get older?

40 replies

Tablepicture · 14/12/2019 20:09

DD is only 3.5 and I find myself worrying more and more about her every day. When they're babies you worry about them getting ill, hurting themselves and their development. But now it's all of that but also school choices, friendships, emotional wellbeing etc.

I can see potential for even more worry as she gets older and hits teenage years and adulthood!

Is this normal or am I being overly anxious? I am also pregnant and I don't know if it's partly to do with that.

OP posts:

halfmoonbay · 14/12/2019 21:19

My only daughter is mid 20s, an alcoholic with a child herself, separated from husband and now with with an abusive partner. My life has become a constant circle of worry and dread. The first 16 years were a dream, how I would love a time machine. Give me a toddler or pre-teen any day.

RingtheBells · 14/12/2019 21:19

Yes if DS visits he has to text to say he is safely home but he goes out where he lives and doesn’t text each time and it’s no different, it’s just when he is going home from visiting us he texts

Whattodoabout · 14/12/2019 22:35

You always worry, it never goes away.

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Families

Babyroobs · 14/12/2019 22:44

I have 4 teenagers and yes they are a huge worry.

ShinyGiratina · 14/12/2019 22:56

I'm in the primary school years. My DCs bring different worries, one has ASD, and I suspect that secondary school will be a big shock for him to deal with. Long term, if he gets through the education system fairly unscathed, I think the odds of him finding a comfortable niche in life will be favourable.

DS2 will be the one giving me sleepless nights about when he's going to roll in in the early hours.

At the moment, I'm pretty content that they have the skills to survive each day without earning a Darwin Award. We're still fairly well insulated from the big bad worlds of the internet and social media. It was odd in the early days of school that there wasn't the sense of what was going on in their lives compared to nursery. Particularly hard with DS1 as I was never near the school gates due to work, and he was very uncommunicative. Apparently he had jacket potato everyday, and that's about all I knew

grasukdesim · 14/12/2019 23:01

My mum says the time I needed her most was in my 40s through my divorce.

It seems the worry never goes.

RainbowBelts · 14/12/2019 23:03

It gets much worse op, wait for the teens 😬

TheChosenTwo · 14/12/2019 23:03

I worry a lot more about my 2 teen girls than I do my 8 year old son.
One is struggling with poor mental health and the other is struggling with the stress of exams this year. It’s very tiring staying awake for hours at night wondering if you’re doing enough/too much/are around enough/are stifling them/are overcompensating in some areas/ignoring other areas etc.
I find they need you more when they get older and I’m not expecting it to stop any time soon.
In saying all that, they are brilliant fun, good company and enjoyable to be around. But yes, when I think back to what I worried about when they were 3 I chuckle - did it really matter that my dad bought them both ice creams and let them put 3 types of sauce on? Or did it make a difference to their lives not signing them up to baby swimming lessons?
I have enjoyed all the phases but each new one brings new worries.

flatpack1 · 14/12/2019 23:11

Wait until the first grandchild arrives, you'll need a cork up your arse permanently.
This.

ThighThighOfthigh · 14/12/2019 23:18

God yes, my 29 year old is a constant worry. My mum worries about me and she is 85, so I worry about her.

Why did I do this to myself at the age of 20?

inwood · 14/12/2019 23:23

My friends who have older children have all said they actually need you far more emotionally once they're in secondary instead of the basic care / feeding / bum wiping stage. Mine are 9 and I can see it already and it terrifies me as I go back to ft work.

ShamblyChristmas · 14/12/2019 23:25

Oh gosh yes. I always imagine the transition from child and teenhood to adulthood being like a herd of wilderbeast crossing a wide river; some take a gigantic leap and land safely on the other side, some struggle as they swim but manage to get to safety, and some get caught by crocodiles.

HairToday79 · 15/12/2019 00:09

Ah yes I agree... I'm constantly worrying about my eldest.
At least when they're younger you know where they are but when they're older it's a case of texting them mundane things (just go know they're safe)

CrowleysBentley · 15/12/2019 00:52

Yep, way more worry now. DD is 19, and DS is 21 in a couple of weeks.

MsTSwift · 15/12/2019 00:54

It’s the utter lack of control. Late teens onwards you essentially powerless

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