What do I do re dd's weight?

[IrisJoy]

Dd is 12 (nearly 13) and she is quite overweight (she is about 5 foot and size 12 ish??) She has always been a little bit chunky, not like my other dd who was always quite skinny, although she has filled out now and is a health 5'7 and size 10_12.
Over the last 3 years or so she has become quite 'plump'. I have spoke. To her about exercise and sugar levels etc but haven't wanted to push anything as don't want her to have bad relationship with food. But she is a fussy eater (she'll have chocolate brioche for breakfast or nothing at all. I want her to eat something in the morning so I let her have the brioche) and she would stay sitting all day if I let her. I don't and we go out every weekend/holiday day for a dog walk etc. But not enough to keep her fit. I have tried so many different activities etc to try and get her into sinethubg to keep a bit fitter but she either doesnt want to or doesn't stick to it.
I try to limit junk food and I don't keep it in the house. But she is at secondary and sometimes gets sweets etc on the way home (I don't give her money for this, she borrows it).
For her meals she has big portions and if she doesn't she complains she is hungry.
She has very low self esteem which is iartt if the reason I haven't pushed it before now, so have always tried to keep the conversation focused on health and fitness, mental health etc but it's not sinking in and I think she is putting on weight. I haven't even weighed her.
She would absolutely hate it if I took her to the Dr about this.
I think she is aware and hates growing up and puberty etc anyway. Not interested in being girly in any way.
What do I do now? I think I have to have a conversation with her about it (even knowing that she will have a m strop, not listen and then throw it back at me when she is feeling low). Do I put her on the scales and do her bmi with her and ask her how she feels about it etc?
I think I have to get her on board to be able to do anything about it. But she is a very tricky character and I do really have bigger fish to fry with her (anxiety etc) but I thought she would grow out of this as she got taller; but I think it's getting worse.
Wwyd? How do I broach this? TIA

At 12, is she walking too and from school? How far is that?

My dd was always chunky.always hungry.at 4she was as tall as kids in year 2 at school!
She ate HUGE portions and cried if wasn't given food.
We always offered healthy things(have more salad/apple etc)
Sweets and chocolate things were treats not in cupboards constantly,nor daily habits

She's 16 in april.last two months has finally stopped eating as much(think reached adult height now as 5ft 8).swapping crisps for nuts most of the time,taking huge salads with seeds and pulses for her lunches at school.snacks are apples or carrots with nut butter,guac and rice cakes,toast with nut butter or marmite and soy milk
We don't have any background noise interruption whilst eatingand are mindful of eating
This has turned around partly as self care in run up to exams,partly to fight silent reflux, partly a family experiment for taking care of ourselves.
I don't own scales but she's drop from a size 14 to a size 12 in last two months,her skin glows and she doesn't get so temperamental (think blood sugars weren't very stable and she got very angry when hungry which was often)
You can only offer advice and set example but I wouldn't ever force any of my kids on a diet(her brother has opposite problem and needs higher fat diet just to maintain weight)
I just wanted to give you hope things can change,but works best if focus is on everyone not just her

I was a fat 13yo and my mum more or less ignored it. Though other family members commented. Then I crash dieted from 14-16 and set myself up for the yo-yo life and long term weight gain.
I wish: we had not had biscuits & crisps etc in the house, that she had taught me healthy snacking (eg when I got in from school soo hungry) and that we had been more active as a family together. I probably didn't get enough sleep either.

One of the things that surprised me when my DD went through a chunky phase was how many calories it’s possible to consume from squash, fruit juice and soft drinks. I think I probably painlessly cut 300 calories plus out of my dd’s daily diet just by stopping buying sugary ribena, Tropicana etc. If you have those in the house could you switch away?

I'd keep the portions the same but reduce the carbs and increase the protein and veg. If you do it without a great fuss she may well not notice. Have you ever tried to lose weight? Some slimming world principles might help? Also, and I know this is easier said than done, I'd suggest you really need to get rid of a high sugar refined carb snack for breakfast. I am not judging you here but just as a fattie myself I can tell you that starting the day like that will lead to me eating LOADS as the sugar highs and lows you get from this sort of food leaves you genuinely hungry just a couple of hours later. Honestly for me, I would be better of eating nothing for breakfast than eating that. Lovely as it is.

I would advise against mentioning her weight to her. My mum tried to help me lose weight when I was 11. Thirty-eight years of eating disorder and counting.

Children and weight is a tricky subject. Its a case of educate them and try to control their intake. Educating them is easy, but controling their intake is another matter. I have found that although I eat healthy foods,a bit of chocolate here and there,I exercise on a regular basis to try and promote a healthy life style and also dont have junk food in the house all 3 of my kids are overweight,or enhanced as I call them so as not to give them a complex (I'm sure social media will do that). I think that they have their own ideas of healthy when they're young lol. My Mum took me to the Drs because I was overweight when I was about 11, it did nothing more than give me a complex and I ate all the more just to p*ss my Mum off! You can only do so much to try and guide your children the rest is up to them, kids rebel so they'll do the complete opposite of what you want, and they'll always manage to find the food they want, I actually caught my daughter at her friend's house claiming I hadn't fed her so that she could have a second meal there,lucky I was good friends with her Mum who phoned me to ask if everything was ok!
Do your best,thats all you can do and keep smiling

@NotSureWhoIAmToday do you have a recipe for the quiches? They sound fab and I struggle with breakfast (sorry to derail OP!)

Two bananas mashed in a bowl, with two eggs mixed in and poured into a pan to make pancakes will satisfy her sweet tooth desire for breakfast. Two ingredients and quick to make. Is she cooking or are you catering for her? Get her to do meal plans for the week and start basic life skills of being able to make food for herself.

@BrusselPout

I use this for full sized quiches (paper case in a cake tin) aprettylifeinthesuburbs.com/crustless-quiche/
For the breakfast muffins I do almost the same but reduce the cream/milk a little so they are less wobbly. So (makes 12 muffins)

• 6 eggs,
• 1 cup of "Stuff" - ours tends to be spinach, onion and mushroom. Sometimes some salami/ham
• 1/2 cup milk/cream
• 1 cup grated cheese
• salt/pepper/herbs

Mix together and pour into a 12 muffin silicon case/tray. Cook on 180 for about 20-25 mins - until a bit puffy and slightly golden edges. Cool and store in the fridge.

Just as a word of warning. These turn out perfectly from of my silicon muffin trays - but another tray they stick and it is an utter bitch - so I now spray with a bit of oil or silicon cake release spray stuff and they just drop out.

They last the week in the fridge and the DCs just grab them and eat cold. Or they can be warmed for a few seconds in the microwave. They are not low-cal due to the cheese/cream (if used) but fill them up until lunchtime which DC were finding carb-based breakfasts did not. Also can be grabbed and eaten whilst walking to the bus stop/station if running late DS I am looking at you

I think everyone is being abit hard on the girl. She is 12 nearly 13..she is still a child but 14/15 she will develop more and probably naturally loose or want to loose weight.

Just keep doing what ur doing and feed her healthy recipes , maybe try getting her to bake healthy biscuits for breakfast

To all the posters telling you not to say anything I have a different perspective. DD (now14) put on a lot of weight quickly 18 months ago.

I gently pointed it out to her. Weighted her. Chatted about how she'd gained a stone in 6 months and not grown taller.

Didn't make a massive thing but spoke about health and sugar addiction.

We stopped buying snacks for the house. I checked what she was buying at lunch. She'd been depressed about her weight and once we were doing something about it she wasn't.

She lost about 5 lbs over the course of 6 months and grew another inch and a half. She's now got a bmi bang in the middle of the range for her age, weight and height and is super happy. Snacks are back in the house but she's more careful with them. I really feel I've given her tools to recognise when something was going a bit wrong and fix it before it became a bigger problem.

Have you tried this?
www.lnds.nhs.uk/Library/LEAP_PosterAd_APRIL.pdf
It’s totally free and a course you can get involved in too. You should be able to self refer

It says adults on the advert but in my area it’s for 11-17. There might be something similar in your are