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Original poster

Relatives asking for present ideas

47 replies

Molly2016 · 05/12/2019 13:59

Just wondering whether this is something I need to get used to and prepare for or whether it’s a bit cheeky.
My child’s birthday is this weekend. Just received a message from in laws asking what they would like.
I mean, it’s in 2 days. Do they just expect me to come up with something? They know my child. They know their likes and dislikes.
My child would actually be happy with anything. Why is it up to me to come up with something? So if I don’t reply immediately, it’ll be my fault they don’t have a present?
I’m keeping it a bit vague in case MiL is on here, but they aren’t the only ones. At least other relatives asked with a bit more notice.
I’m worried if I reply along the lines of ‘I’m sure they will be happy with anything you choose’ they might not bother to get anything. Last year I saw something and asked if they wanted me to get it for them to wrap and give, they said yes so I brought it and gave it to them in advance of the birthday. They turned up with the gift still in the same bag I handed it over in. Not even wrapped. No effort at all!
Would be interested to hear others experiences.

OP posts:
Divebar · 05/12/2019 14:01

This is normal.. people won’t know what toys, games and books you have already. To avoid the inevitable 3 Elsa dolls and a variety of Smiggle plastic crap I would help them out with some ideas.

Original poster
Molly2016 · 05/12/2019 14:05

Should I ask about budget?

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 05/12/2019 14:06

Just give them a generic idea of what she likes 'oh she loves paw patrol' or whatever and stop being precious

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homemadecommunistrussia · 05/12/2019 14:07

Mil used to PayPal me the money so I had to go out and buy the toy and wrap it and write from granny on the label. It annoyed me, but it did mean the dc got something they liked.

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends · 05/12/2019 14:10

Asking is thoughtful. They don't want to duplicate a present you might have already bought for birthday or Christmas. Ask for the budget.

Original poster
Molly2016 · 05/12/2019 14:13

‘Stop being precious’ ha ha, ok.
I feel like because I brought it last year they now think it’s my job.
I have enough to do with December family birthdays, Christmas presents, secret Santa etc without having to buy birthday gifts for my own child from other people as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
Molly2016 · 05/12/2019 14:14

And with 2 days notice.
Maybe if they had messaged me 2 weeks ago I wouldn’t feel so annoyed.

OP posts:
ritzbiscuits · 05/12/2019 14:41

2 days notice is annoying, but I'd welcome my in laws asking. They haven't got a clue and often buy him absolute rubbish.

Give them an idea like 'she really likes Peppa Pig/Paw Patrol etc' and point them to a local toy shop!

Fakeflowersaremynewnormal · 05/12/2019 14:47

The lack of notice is probably going to be more inconvenience for them than you as they will have to rush out and buy something.

Ragwort · 05/12/2019 14:51

Ask for money for their savings account or premium bonds if they don’t want or need anything. Much better than more toys.
I was far happier when people asked me before buying something - it might have ended up a duplicate gift or might just be something my DS would never play with - eg; he used to be given loads of Lego - and not all children like Lego.

EscapeTheCastle · 05/12/2019 16:02

A book token so you can select some nice books on a day out at the shops one day.

greenlobster · 05/12/2019 17:51

It's a very common thing I'm afraid. My daughter is 21 and lots of relatives are still asking me what she'd like for bloody Christmas/birthdays.

If your in-laws are the type not to want to bother themselves much then just tell them 2 or 3 different toys your child would enjoy that are all easily available in the shops (preferably argos cos even the most awkward, internet-phobic, stuck-in-the-past relatives can generally cope with argos!) and they can pick one to buy.

Original poster
Molly2016 · 05/12/2019 18:03

So I took on board your comments and messaged back a picture of a toy, how much it costs and the shops it was available at. Also said if they didn’t like it, to let me know and I would suggest something else.
They replied saying thanks, please go ahead and order it.

I just know I’m going to get lumbered doing this for both Christmas and birthday for the next 18 yrs.

OP posts:
ny20005 · 05/12/2019 18:06

Think yourself lucky lol . Mine asks & then gets something completely random & not what I told them 🙄

littleduckeggblue · 05/12/2019 18:06

Ok so your initial post was YABU however they are now being unreasonable. I would just send them the link and say your abit busy to order but feel free to do so yourself

VenusClapTrap · 05/12/2019 18:07

I agree it’s irritating. I wish my relatives and in-laws would at least try to come up with something. I’d be fine with ‘I’ve seen a lovely x, would dd like that or has she already got one?” But no, they want specifics.

I know I should be appreciative that they don’t want to buy the wrong thing, but coming up with present ideas for everybody and having to remember who is sending what is quite hard work.

So I totally get where you’re coming from. I put a lot of effort into choosing the right presents for people and it would be nice if they did too.

CodenameVillanelle · 05/12/2019 18:09

Eh it doesn't matter, as long as they send you the money. Why don't you just suggest they send money and you'll get something she likes? That's what I do with an aunt who lives abroad, she sends me an amazon voucher for DS, I buy something I would have got anyway and give it from my aunt. No biggie

VenusClapTrap · 05/12/2019 18:10

Seen your update. Yes you are now stuck with this. As they are your in-laws, get your Dh to have a little word and suggest they put some effort in.

Changedmename1234 · 05/12/2019 18:14

God, I know what you mean op. My mother waits until I say I’ve got x for dc then says oh, I’ll send you the money for that and that can be from me! Or worse, says I’ll send half the money then when I give it to dc is all “that’s from grandma”. She does it for my birthday, if I mention I have purchased anything at all, a bloody new kitchen mop, in the month prior to my birthday she will go oh I’ll send you the money that can be from me.
It’s lazy and rude. I just give up.

Original poster
Molly2016 · 05/12/2019 18:20

@ny20005 that’s so strange. A bit like ‘here’s something you could have had’.

OP posts:
namestar · 05/12/2019 18:22

My in-laws now do this as December birthdays can be difficult. I'm organised early with Christmas shopping and they don't want to buy a gift that I have already planned to give at Christmas for DC.
2 days notice would annoy me though!

Original poster
Molly2016 · 05/12/2019 18:22

@CodenameVillanelle they want me to chose it, order it, buy it and then hand it to them on the QT so my child thinks they got it. Having done this last year I know realise that if I don’t wrap it myself they’ll hand it over to my child in the carrier bag I gave it to them in.
I have more then one child and plenty of other things I want to do with my time. They are both retired.

OP posts:
Isitme13 · 05/12/2019 18:29

Asking for ideas is not a big deal, imo. Usually it’s done by people who want to give a gift the child will enjoy, and don’t have a clue what to get/what the child already has. I have an elderly relative who does this each year for my dc. It can be tricky coming up with things sometimes, but I appreciate the thought.

I send links, and then relative orders/organises/wraps etc and hands over when we next meet up. I do offer to buy it if it’s something tricky to get hold of/from a shop that relative doesn’t have nearby, and then I get the money back.

All that is fairly standard, surely? The rest of your post/updates would really annoy me. If your relatives want to get your dc a present, then they should be getting the present, not just handing all the effort over to you and then deigning to hand the present over in person as though that’s a big deal!

LonginesPrime · 05/12/2019 18:33

they want me to chose it, order it, buy it and then hand it to them on the QT so my child thinks they got it

Fuck that!

Just tell them to send a voucher - you're not their bloody personal assistant!

FawnDrench · 05/12/2019 18:36

Tell them to liaise with their son in future, not you.