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Original poster

Relatives asking for present ideas

47 replies

Molly2016 · 05/12/2019 13:59

Just wondering whether this is something I need to get used to and prepare for or whether it’s a bit cheeky.
My child’s birthday is this weekend. Just received a message from in laws asking what they would like.
I mean, it’s in 2 days. Do they just expect me to come up with something? They know my child. They know their likes and dislikes.
My child would actually be happy with anything. Why is it up to me to come up with something? So if I don’t reply immediately, it’ll be my fault they don’t have a present?
I’m keeping it a bit vague in case MiL is on here, but they aren’t the only ones. At least other relatives asked with a bit more notice.
I’m worried if I reply along the lines of ‘I’m sure they will be happy with anything you choose’ they might not bother to get anything. Last year I saw something and asked if they wanted me to get it for them to wrap and give, they said yes so I brought it and gave it to them in advance of the birthday. They turned up with the gift still in the same bag I handed it over in. Not even wrapped. No effort at all!
Would be interested to hear others experiences.

OP posts:

andpancakesforbreakfast · 05/12/2019 18:37

Surely that's a good thing?

You know what your child wants, you avoid duplicate or unwanted present, and you just give them one from YOUR list, done.

Buying presents for other people's children can be such a minefield, just read how many people are insulted because the gift was too babyish, too plastic, not thoughtful ,too old and unpractical.

PurplePuffinPicker · 05/12/2019 18:40

My mil struggles for ideas so I usually give her some and often check online for best deals, as she can't use the Internet well. However she does go and buy it herself! The most I've done for her is once reserved something at Argos for her and gave her the reservation number.

Most of my relatives ask for ideas, which is useful as like others have said it cuts down on stuff they don't like, and duplicates. I usually give two or three options, then they tell me which they've bought so I know what's left for other people requesting.

Your mil is being a total CF, do not buy the present, tell her to sort it herself!

LL83 · 05/12/2019 18:42

Unless I really liked this person and they helped me a lot in other ways I would not order it.
my bank card is lost I cant order it
I am really busy I wont have time to order it this year
Won't be able to order it.

Interested in this thread?

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Families General shopping

MsSquiz · 05/12/2019 18:53

I would just reply saying "sorry, crazy busy here, as you can imagine with Christmas and birthday so I won't have time to sort this out. If it's too much hassle for you to order, feel free to just give them money in an envelope instead"

December is mega busy in our family, 2 nephews & 1 niece all have December birthdays so what I usually do is text my SIL with suggestions of ideas I have for gifts and ask if she thinks they're ok/what size is needed or if she has other ideas.

andpancakesforbreakfast · 05/12/2019 18:56

December is mega busy in our family

and yet you are on MN....

Saltdoughmuncher · 05/12/2019 18:56

Standard reply from now on- “I’m sorry I don’t have time to do other people’s shopping on top of my own”.

andpancakesforbreakfast · 05/12/2019 18:56

“I’m sorry I don’t have time to do other people’s shopping on top of my own”.

it's your child who will miss out, so it all depends where your priorities are...

Original poster

Molly2016 · 05/12/2019 20:20

@andpancakesforbreakfast and that’s the crux of it.
My child doesn’t have an idea about money or who buys what. And to be fair wasn’t even bothered that they hadn’t wrapped it last year (I was). They were just super excited to receive a gift.
It’s a mixed relationship. They think they do a lot for us. I don’t agree. Like someone else said, if they were brilliant with DC I’d consider just doing it.
I think I’ll do it this year for DC’s sake. Next year I’ll message them in advance with ideas and let them choose and buy, using the ‘I’m too busy’ position.

OP posts:

Camomila · 05/12/2019 20:22

I like it when people ask...means you don't get 2 of the same thing or something they won't like (DS 3 is scared of dinosaurs, a pretty common thing to give little boys)

Usually they just give money and then DS enjoys choosing something with his birthday money.

When PILs ask I say something generic and easy like 'he likes duplo/things with wheels'

Ragwort · 05/12/2019 20:24

Just ask for money or vouchers then, I can’t tell you how many unsuitable & unwanted gifts my DS received over the years (yes, I know he was lucky to get so many gifts .... but 90% ended up in charity shops). So much better to receive £10 in a card.

tatyr · 05/12/2019 20:39

I chuck things on an Amazon wish list through the year for people who want ideas for Christmas/ birthday pressies.

Fakeflowersaremynewnormal · 05/12/2019 20:46

If you order it giftwrapped from Amazon it does cost more but comes very nicely wrapped.

MsSquiz · 05/12/2019 20:46

@andpancakesforbreakfast I meant for gift buying. 3 nephews and nieces, we have a large family to buy for for Christmas and I'm currently expecting our first baby - due 19th December. So if I was the OP, I would give people who ask a gift suggestions (as she has done) but there's no way I'd be doing the shopping for them unless there was a valid reason for it (illness for example)

ichbineinstasumer · 05/12/2019 20:51

I think that's incredibly annoying. As if you haven't enough to do, you have been given a job that belongs on someone else's list. I haven't rtft but think you will have to be blunt but clear 'sorry, I'm so busy with [my life] I don't have time to do this. DC will be happy with whatever you would like to give'
I get irritated by this at Christmas every year. My whole family rings me and asks me to suggest gifts for everyone else and for myself. I find it hard to choose gifts and don't have particularly good gift ideas so it's just another chore for me that I can do without!

patchworkelephant123 · 05/12/2019 20:56

I normally do three ideas to cover three budgets, so something for £10, £20 or £30 and they can't pack

daisypond · 05/12/2019 20:56

It’s normal and thoughtful for people to ask. Otherwise, suggest they don’t get anything.

SpinningBob · 05/12/2019 21:00

I'm not usually one to bash my mil at all.....we get on reasonably well....but this is a sticking point... last year my mil asked me to chose and buy and wrap the gifts for both dd's...so we sat together and chose the exact gifts on Amazon, on my account (delivered to me to be wrapped obvs)..I handed them to her discreetly as they came in the door on Christmas day to hand to the kids....later on she gave me 75% of the money as she felt that was all they were worth! We were catering the entire Christmas dinner day and evening, they are very well off....I was just flabbergasted.

Daddylonglegs1965 · 05/12/2019 21:01

Be thankful OP especially as they get older. We have two children very close in age one of whom has a December birthday. One December MIL bought 3 sit and rides as it was 3 for the price of 2. DS already had one we had bought him and he had just about outgrown it and my sis had already given us my nieces old one for DD. It was a nightmare. Other years they bought gifts that were way too old and way too unsuitable for the kids. I know asking means you have to rack your brains a little bit but better than the 3 sit and rides nightmare!!! Another year she asked what I was buying DD for Christmas I said a dolls house it was quite a practical one. So she went and bought her a fairy castle complete with furniture which was basically a nicer version of our present. I could go on but honestly asking is good.

Original poster

Molly2016 · 05/12/2019 21:04

@SpinningBob the cheek!
75% of the cost? After you wrapped them?
That’s so much worse.
You see now I don’t feel as bad.

OP posts:

PastTippingPoint · 05/12/2019 21:07

Asking for ideas is good surely, to avoid duplicates/tat/disappointment?!
Asking you to buy and wrap it is CF territory though, would be getting DH to have a word.

Have asked my DSis and BIL/SIL for gift ideas for kids so I don't waste money on toys that won't be played with. Only my DSis has replied so far. Just feels rude to not even acknowledge the message . (Sorry had to get that out!)

valentinoandme · 06/12/2019 05:36

I have Amazon wishlists for both of my children. If people ask for ideas, I send them the link. The items range from £2 - £30 so they can choose how much they want to spend. You can also put things on that aren't specifically from Amazon eg "pyjamas" so they can buy stuff from a physical shop if they'd prefer. It also gives people an idea of what the child's into - ie if there's loads of Paw Patrol stuff, it's a safe bet that anything of that nature will be gratefully received!

Brillopadtongue · 06/12/2019 05:46

I would not have taken such a question to mean suggest a specific gift!

I would have answered 'they are into LEGO' for example rather than a specific Lego toy module and research for them where they can buy it, if it's in stock and how much.

2 days is plenty to find something. If i had asked someone what their child is into and they replied a very specific toy that i may struggle with finding in stock near me or out of my price range i would find that rude. I expect a general answer they are into x y and z, its just a directional hint not choose their present for me.

I'm afraid you are being precious! 🤷🏼‍♀️

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