I need to go to the GP and I'm terrified - talk some sense into me

[PatheticParrot]

Ok, so, I HATE going to the GP. Ever since it taking nearly two years in my late teens to be diagnosed with coeliac disease despite multiple appointments (I didn't have classic symptoms so it was tricky to be fair) I just feel like they don't believe anything I'm saying/ think I'm making stuff up/ exaggerating/ worrying needlessly. This has evolved into almost a phobia and I try everything to avoid going. I'm not even registered with a GP at the moment since we moved.

But now I definitely need to go. I haven't had a period in six months, I'm bloated, nauseous, have dodgy bowels, tummy pain, back pain, persistent headaches, no appetite, my hair is falling out and I'm also totally and utterly exhausted all the time . I'm kind of hoping I'm just a bit run down but also aware it could be something serious, particularly as it's getting worse. But I'm really terrified. I've been trying to work up the courage/ energy/ willpower to go and register at a GP today and book an appointment but I just can't bring myself to do it.

The real kicker (and part of the reason I can't actually admit this to anyone in RL, even DH) is that I'm a doctor myself (though not a GP). I just feel totally ridiculous. How can I be a doctor who's too scared to go to the fucking doctor?! Though sometimes I wonder if I really went to medical school in some kind of twisted attempt to ensure I never had to be on the wrong side of a consultation ever again. Argh.

Please somebody give me a kick up the arse.

Would you feel more comfortable with a nurse first? Can they request bloods?

Would DH be supportive if you could bring yourself to tell him? Or a close friend? Would that be an easier way of breaking yourself in than facing your fear head on? Hopefully they could then support you in making and attending the appt.

I have a medical phobia but have to face it quite regularly due to health issues. I’ve sat in waiting rooms discreetly sobbing before with apprehension, but it’s rarely as bad as I expect.

You're like me, i hate going. Just do it. Living with the anxiety is far worse. Make an appointment now.........

Sorry if I missed it - which bit in particular are you scared of? Is it being not listened to or is it finding out something terrible? I agree with pp that requesting bloods might be a good starter though.

The likelihood is it's another autoimmune disease so can you ask someone at work to take bloods as a first step? I'm assuming you work in a hospital?

I totally get it (years to get correct diagnosis for my poorly DC) - it's a horrible, horrible dynamic that makes you feel completely disenfranchised and robs you of all your self belief. So sending you a big hug for that.

BUT - with those symptoms, as a doctor you must know rationally that it needs investigation. I'd suggest you take partner/friend along literally just to be there with you - I used to have to get my DH to come to new appointments for the DCs for this reason, and then you just feel like you've got some moral support.

Find out the best GP in your area, go and see them, WITH A LIST OF YOUR SYMPTOMS, and make sure you get all the blood tests/ultrasounds you may need to diagnose/rule stuff out.

Don't be scared - it's their job to listen to you, make you feel comfortable and investigate thoroughly. If they don't do that, that's on them, NOT on you.

So sorry, just saw you couldn't admit it to DH. I'd really advise you to be open about it - it's really understandable after any long journey to diagnosis, particularly at a vulnerable young age. Be kind to yourself, and confide in him if you can - then he can give you some support.

Find out the best GP in your area, go and see them, WITH A LIST OF YOUR SYMPTOMS, and make sure you get all the blood tests/ultrasounds you may need to diagnose/rule stuff out

This is excellent advice.

Then in the New Year, book yourself some sessions with a counsellor to talk this through with someone who won’t judge you. You need to deal with this so you can comfortably access the healthcare you need.

Ignoring the issues ( your health need and your anxieties ) isn’t working for you. So you need to tackle it.

I think you need your thyroid checked for starters . If you are a doctor yourself you must have some idea of what you think is causing your symptoms, although I know it’s easy to jump to the more serious things. If the GP is aware that you are also a doctor I suspect that you’ll get a very different approach this time. ( I’m not saying this is right - it’s just human nature )

So sorry to hear this. I have sympathy for all of this, my hair falls out too and bothers me greatly (although both hairdressers and medics generally say something like, 'Ooh, but you've got plenty left, some people would love to have your hair etc etc') and I usually have pain both internally and on various joints but it is intermittent so I never know whether to go the whole hog for an appointment or not. I always feel I have a hyper acute body sense for the next twinge or dysfunction and cannot tell whether this is mostly my thought process or actual physical prompts as they're both related.
I've been recommended to try to keep a diary of symptoms and how you feel they are changing (if they do). As well as a list, see if you can track them, although once again I would certainly recommend doing this with support from a counsellor as it can make the anxious side more jumpy. I really hope you soon feel better and calmer.

Sounds like I was when I was pre diagnosis of Addison’s disease , if you don’t want to go to a GP book a private appt with an endocrinologist and see what they think .

Sorry if I missed it - which bit in particular are you scared of? Is it being not listened to or is it finding out something terrible?

It's not being listened to/ being told it's all in my head. Which is basically what happened last time I felt this ill. Two years of being told I couldn't possibly be having all the symptoms I said I was/ must be exaggerating/ they weren't significant anyway - sometimes all by the same doctor in the same appointment! It wasn't just one GP either - several over two different practices. It was only when our lovely old next-door neighbour who was a GP believed me enough to think I might have IBS and took me on as a temporary patient to refer me to a gastroenterologist that I got diagnosed. And all my 'imaginary' symptoms disappeared within a few months. But I genuinely thought I was losing the plot - that I was being a hypochondriac/ somatizing. My parents I think thought it was a combination of laziness and attention-seeking. It was horrible.

I agree with PP it's probably another autoimmune disease, which while not ideal isn't the end of the world, so it's not that I'm scared of a diagnosis. I'm scared that I won't be listened to, and a bit that I really am just subconsciously pretending to be ill because life's hard work ATM. I worry that's what DH thinks when I ask him to make dinner yet again, or take the DC out somewhere by himself again, because I'm too exhausted to move off the sofa.

What do you think is wrong with you OP?

If you think you won’t be listened to you need to go in with a list (as pp mentioned) of symptoms AND what you want to happen (blood tests etc). I hate to say it but: can anyone (other than DH) go with you to “stand up for you”? Also, sounds like it’s a new GP surgery if you need to register. You may find that they are better. Do it tomorrow!

This may sound really stupid, but if you have coeliac disease have you gone through every single item you ever eat to make sure there's no gluten in it, or possibly in it? I am just wondering if something has changed formulation, or changed where it is made, and you're unknowingly taking in gluten.

The missing periods doesn't exactly fit with that, but the rest could. But if you are really worried, stress could cause the missing periods.

I feel this way a bit about going to GP after a similar experience of feeling fobbed off or like they thought I was lying.
All I can say is that stressing about it beforehand is worse than just doing it. Also, I’ve had a very different experience after moving areas and going to a new GP surgery - every doctor I’ve seen in the new surgery has been really nice and it’s rebuilding my trust. I think different practices have different cultures in terms of how they treat patients.
Could you convince yourself to just take first step (eg fill out reg form) and try not to think about anything beyond that? Sounds daft but breaking it into smaller steps can help.

I haven't had a period in six months, I'm bloated, nauseous, have dodgy bowels, tummy pain, back pain, persistent headaches, no appetite, my hair is falling out and I'm also totally and utterly exhausted all the time

You couldn't be pregnant, could you?

My instinct is that the symptoms aren’t necessarily related to each other. The anxiety probably isn’t helping

Hi Parrot. I am a fellow doc and really sympathise. We really do make the worst patients. There is lots of psychopathy around our health behaviours as a profession and we tend to layer far too much over any engagent we have with health professionals. I am going to guess you are relatively youthful because actually many of us have to work through some sort of variation of these thought cycles as we get into our advice seeking middle ages. It sounds like yours is intrusive and potentially damaging, so at some stage you may need to find some support to work through PTSD type effects of your delayed diagnosis.
But the immediate issue is your physical health. You need to be a patient now and hand yourself into the care of someone else. This is a terrifying thing to do so perhaps you can find a trusted friend, ideally a medic, who can lead you through it. I have done this for friends before and I suspect you would be surprised by how very understanding your peers would be.
But you know this is probably hypothyroidism, got to be top of any differential list, you need your bloods done. Much less likely bowel or ovarian pathology but you know they need thinking about if no obvious alternative diagnosis. Pm me if you need to x

If you have bloating , exhaustion and headaches with coeliac disease, I'd be making sure b12 is tested as it's common to be deficient.

Firstly don't be embarrassed, your profession is actually irrelevant as you want an independent professional. Secondly focus on the desired outcome, getting your body working the way it should ASAP by getting to the root of the problem. If you were to leave it longer if may get worse and will no doubt further impact your quality of life, physical and mental health.

Does your parter or anyone else attend the same surgery? If so ask them who they find particularly skilled at being empathetic and knowledgeable. Having a recommendation sometimes helps the "halo" effect as you go into a situation

@PatheticParrot

Some of your symptoms sound like thyroid disease just ask your Doctor for a thyroid function test. I wish I would say it is fixable but having suffered with it myself not many Consultants specialize in it and the ones that do have to follow NHS guidelines which are completely wrong imho

My first thought was pregnancy - you have checked you're not having a baby in the next 12 weeks?

B12 is folic acid isn't it - i'm deficient and have tablets every day, although I'm not sure they make a difference.

You're a doctor, you know the drill, in our hospital it's a 'gold top' - test for everything... not that I've been there. I hope you feel better soon, get yourself registered as Mrs/Ms/Miss something not Dr and just be a commoner one day and get seen to .

B12 is not the same as Folic Acid no, that's vitamin B9, although they do need each other to work well.

I also wondered if you might be pregnant.