I need to go to the GP and I'm terrified - talk some sense into me

[PatheticParrot]

Ok, so, I HATE going to the GP. Ever since it taking nearly two years in my late teens to be diagnosed with coeliac disease despite multiple appointments (I didn't have classic symptoms so it was tricky to be fair) I just feel like they don't believe anything I'm saying/ think I'm making stuff up/ exaggerating/ worrying needlessly. This has evolved into almost a phobia and I try everything to avoid going. I'm not even registered with a GP at the moment since we moved.

But now I definitely need to go. I haven't had a period in six months, I'm bloated, nauseous, have dodgy bowels, tummy pain, back pain, persistent headaches, no appetite, my hair is falling out and I'm also totally and utterly exhausted all the time . I'm kind of hoping I'm just a bit run down but also aware it could be something serious, particularly as it's getting worse. But I'm really terrified. I've been trying to work up the courage/ energy/ willpower to go and register at a GP today and book an appointment but I just can't bring myself to do it.

The real kicker (and part of the reason I can't actually admit this to anyone in RL, even DH) is that I'm a doctor myself (though not a GP). I just feel totally ridiculous. How can I be a doctor who's too scared to go to the fucking doctor?! Though sometimes I wonder if I really went to medical school in some kind of twisted attempt to ensure I never had to be on the wrong side of a consultation ever again. Argh.

Please somebody give me a kick up the arse.

I'm the same as you op, and for the same reasons. Years of being brushed off by my GP, leading me to think I was having some kind of nervous breakdown and giving myself symptoms as well as imagining some as well as just being a really lazy person. And feeling so judged by others. Whether they actually were or not I don't know but having to have the same "Oh you're STILL sick and not diagnosed with anything" conversation over and over until people get bored of asking... It is demoralising. It truly is. I totally understand.

Since my diagnosis I've started to get angry about it. The way I have been treated and the effect it has had on my mental health. I'm trying to use that anger in a positive way. So for example using it to push me to get what I know I need, if that makes sense. That still didn't stop me from turning into a nervous wreck the last time I needed to visit my GP. I ended up bringing my dp with me for support. Have you got anyone you could bring? (He actually booked the appointment for me... I need to work a bit harder at "using" my anger. )

God OP, I could have written this post myself two years ago. My symptoms were very similar to yours and after at least 8-9 months of avoiding the doctor and procrastinating, I finally went to a random walk in clinic and asked for basic blood work. I was MASSIVELY anemic. Like it was bad enough that I had to be admitted to hospital for a blood transfusion and IV iron. Like you, I had a previous history of GI issues that led me to not properly absorb the iron I ate. Even though I consumed enough, my body couldn't hold on to the iron and store it. That's why my ferritin level (iron stores) was 1, which is low as the test goes.

It was like night and day once I got treated. I still have to have my iron levels monitored by hematology and get IV iron a few times a year. But severe anemia isn't something you can put off forever. My hemoglobin had tanked down to 5 (it should be above 12) by the time I was diagnosed and typically, it can't get much lower than that before you have to start worrying about cardiac issues or just blacking out and seriously injuring yourself or someone else. If you do nothing else, please get someone you know and trust to do order basic blood work including checking your ferritin. It's relatively easy to fix, but the first step is getting a real diagnosis.

I’ve been mis-diagnosed for years, made to feel like a hypochondriac etc. Turned out I have a genetic disease. Have had a chronic UTI misdiagnosed until I paid to see a national expert in chronic UTI and am now greatly improved. After a few shit experiences it’s understandable you have no trust in medics to take you seriously and to treat you appropriately. That is not a reason to not go see someone about what you are suffering with now. Not every doctor is dismissive and as I’ve discovered many are genuinely caring and want to do their best for their patients. What would you tell your patient if they said what you have on this thread? You can’t leave this because it’s not fair on yourself to have to feel so unwell. You deserve better.

Find the best GP in your area and register. Then make an appointment. You can do this. You can tell them you worry about not being taken seriously because of what has happened in the past and how hard it has been for you to pluck up the courage to see a doctor. If there’s anyone you can take who would give you some moral support then take them along.

“It is easier to put out a campfire than a forest fire.”
Please go & get checked.

You need to write all of these things down. Take the list in and say “This is why I am here” and give them the list. I have done that before and they are usually really grateful. They can then prioritize what is medically important and put all the symptoms together and know what to test for. I think it’s vital that you go in ASAP and get some blood work done. You are probably going to need some scans done as well. OP, if this GP doesn’t listen to you, find another GP and make yourself heard. I think you’re quite unwell.

Jeeze. You're a doctor. You stand far more chance of being listened to than any of the rest of us.

I thought pregnancy straight away.

As you are also describing ovarian cancer, GET TO THE BLOODY DOCTOR!

That was my main concern @justilou1 but I didn't dare say

@Greeper what a lovely and empathic message.

I'm not a doctor but a fellow professional and otherwise capable woman. I could have written much of your post.
My GP did listen and I've been sent for a massive battery of tests.
Sounds like you were a teen when you were ignored, is that right? It happened to me too and I also had school calling me and repeatedly shouting at me for absences. I also was only diagnosed after going private in my 20s.
You aren't alone, and on a certain level, it makes sense to be afraid of something that has happened before. But you do need to go to the GP. I took my husband and a sheet of paper with all the problems.

Sorry, OP... You need to woman up this time. No faffing about. You’ve let the symptoms go on for too long and you bloody well know it. Imagine how you would talk to a friend who was telling you this!!! Write the symptoms down and for how long they’ve been going on. Plop this list on the doctor’s desk and say, “I feel dreadful and didn’t want to forget anything.” They can’t possibly NOT take this list seriously.
If you have coeliac disease (yay team!) they will ask if you are 100% compliant. Say “Yes!” or they will put it all down to that.
Can you guess who the nurses are on mumsnet?
Please let us know how you go. I am worried about you.

Hand hold for you OP.

I’m a dental nurse, 23, and haven’t been to the dentist in 7 years because I am absolutely petrified. Because I know I need something, probably one or two fillings, but I am so terrified I can’t go. I always get offered at work free dental and cleans and I tell them I go somewhere else. I don’t, I lie because I can’t face it. So I know how that feels.

But your health is at risk, and I can only offer a hand hold, but you will feel so so so much better once you’re on the mend properly! You’ll be glad you’ve done it, it’s just working up that initial bit of courage.

Good luck

PS - I was diagnosed with Coeliac disease when I was 28 and at 47 have just been diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. (And I thought I was just a klutz!) These things are often written off as “Hysterical Woman Syndrome” as well. I do have empathy, but you have to learn to advocate for yourself.