Catching and stopping a MH slump before it takes hold fully. Possible? Advice?

[ChateauneufDuTwat]

Have had bouts of low mood and high anxiety in the past. Have never taken an antid but do have betablockers that I take when anxiety gets bad (i.e. not daily).

My life is good. Everyone is healthy and happy. Things are stable and completely drama free. My career is taking off after years as a SAHM. Relationship with DP of two years is going from strength to strength, he's spending Xmas eve with me and DC for the first time and we're all super happy and excited.

Yet............

For the last few days I've felt myself slipping into negative thoughts and flat sadness.

• Disengaging from contact with loved ones. Strong urge to just cut myself off and just climb into my shell.

• Worrying about things going wrong with kids/job/money.

• Worrying about DP getting bored of me/my moods being a turnoff (he's ever been anything other than supportive and loving and generally just ace). This escalated into me worrying that he'll find someone else who isn't a miserable cow.

• Waking up with my first thought being: I could ring in sick to work (I've never had a sick day btw).

• Having to talk myself into taking Ddog for a walk as the effort seems too much (I haven't missed one yet).

• Forcing myself to keep on top of chores.

• Just wanting to wallow and sleep and have a cry and eat utter shite.

Does this sound familiar to anyone?

Need to kick myself up the arse.

Anyone?

☕🥐

What mental health self care do you do? It can be hard to keep the wheels on but the things that help for me are mindfulness meditation and exercise.

Are there any small things that help for you? I suggest that now is a good time to go to your GP and say exactly what you have said on your OP. They might be able to recommend something to try.

Have you tried CBT?

You don’t need to kick yourself. You wouldn’t kick yourself or try to pull yourself together if you had a physical illness and had to stay in bed for a bit.

I try deep breathing. I do yoga, so it’s like that, but breathing in for a count of four and out for a count of five or six, helps to calm. You’re probably busy at work, but exercise really helps, even a brisk walk for a few minutes can make a difference. Could you do some mindfulness techniques, do something out of routine, treat yourself. Doesn’t have to be a big thing, just something a bit different.

I know how guilty it can make you feel, particularly if you think that you
do t have anything specific to be down about. But it isn’t your fault and it’s a chemical imbalance. It’s good that you recognise you’re getting a bit low and want to improve your mood.

Thanks both 💐

I don't really see the point in the GP as I don't want to start taking antidepressants. This is the first low point I've had in over 6 months and I feel like I can get through it on my own.

Have had CBT, found it useful and cathartic but struggled to carry on with the mindfulness techniques etc. I didn't find them particularly helpful. I do remind myself that worrying about the future is a total waste of time and energy, that brings me out of it sometimes. Exercise definitely helps so will try and do more. Being in work and being productive helps as well.

The counsellor I saw (privately) pretty much discharged me after 6 sessions saying she was confident I had just hit a bump in the road of life and was over it. I wasn't quite convinced then and am even less so now. It was very ££ though which puts me off going back.

Off to take Ddog for a frosty walk. Hoping that will help.

What you describe sounds very familiar to me.
Just over a year I had a bit of a breakdown at work, and since then it comes round every so often that I fall apart, feel like I can't cope with work or anything, cry everyday, don't eat or sleep properly, everything feels impossible etc etc, but after a few days or a couple of weeks it goes away again, so I have decided to just accept that is the way things are. I have no idea how to stop it once I see it starting to fall apart though.
Like you , I don't want medication, and presumably don't need it if it just gets better by itself after a while, and I don't want to talk to anyone about it because I tried that (was referred to someone via work) in the summer and I felt much worse and then she left the job anyway after a few weeks.

Hi

You have my sympathy. I spent a whole year researching this (for myself - private, not academic project) because i was so sick of MH issues swallowing up my life. I can honestly say I have discovered a method that fights back. Twice since September I've felt a really vicious depression try and take hold (all the things you describe plus hyper-critical voices in my head.) I put into practise all the stuff I;d researched and it has worked. I've come through after a couple of wobbly days, instead of ending up in tears at the GPs desperate for medication.

I don't want to write too much. Top out of a big list of tips are:

1. Deschedule. You're coming down with an illness. To fight it off you need to scale back your responsibilities. Cancel anything you don;t absolutely have to do. 2.) Use the mantra: 'You have to want to, you just have to do it' to keep up with the basics of self care. Say this to get you out of bed, showered and dressed every day. Put decent clothes on. Don't crawl into ancient track suits. If you use make up, spend two mins applying the basics. That way, when you glance in the mirror, you don;t see such an exhausted, knackered ghost staring back. 3.) Exercise and daylight every day. A dog wlak is perfect. 4.) Mental back pats - every time you do something that was hard for you (getting up, getting dressed, walking the dog) say in your head: Well done, you are fighting it and you won that small battle.
2. Supplements. Some people think they do nothing, but I find a Vitamin D spray, iron tonic and B multivitamin help, as does L-Tyrosine. Most important help of all If you do nothing else from the list, do this one:
3. Do something new every day and write down how it went. It can be absolutely tiny - new bubble bath scent, new cafe to have coffee in, walk down a street you've never been down before, tune to a new radio channel, watch a new Ted X talk. Or it can be bigger: apply for a new job, talk to a new person you'd like to get to know, buy a completely different kind of outfit, sign up for a course, try a new form of exercise. (You just have to try it once, not commit to a whole term's worth) For some reason, after doing this robotically for a few days, it suddenly starts to feel like fun and boost your mood. I think it's because depression locks us into set neural pathways and doing something new reroutes them. Writing down notes on how it went just helps you to actually notice the difference. It also helps you notice patterns of change in your mood. So day 1 you might write: had a latte instead of an americano. It was disgusting. Too milky. But by day 4 you might find you're writing: walked down L Lane - not been down there before. There's a lovely woodland at the end of it. And i bumped into X who invited me for coffee. Didn't know she lived there. By day 100 you find you are learning a new language/have a new job/made a new friend/have booked a surprise weekend away for the DC etc. and life is busy and full and happy and fun again.

I really hope that helps you like it helps me.

Sorry. I wrote too much anyway.

That’s awesome advice, newdeer! Thank you :-) I get stuck in a low mood rut every now and then as well, it passes eventually, but I shall be trying the “something new” trick. Was planning to do it with the kids next year anyway

Thank you happy and newdeer - really really helpful posts and it's so reassuring to know it isn't just me who gets like this.

newdeer - the hypercritical voices is def something I can relate to. I am constantly waging a battle on myself re: my weight and appearance.

I compare myself to friends and colleagues and always come up inadequate in my own head. For example, a work friend had to stop by unexpectedly last week and ever since I've been convinced she will have thought my house is dirty/scruffy (it's not perfect but it is neither of this things) and will have told other colleagues. I don't want to host people here as I have a wonky kitchen cupboard/permanently dripping tap/no dining room etc and think people will judge me.

Me and DC put up our Xmas tree last night. As soon as it was up I decided it was too old, too small and smelled fusty and everyone else will have a better one so have ordered a new one. I do this a lot. Convince myself that if I have nice furniture/things, I'll feel better about myself but then once they're bought and in place I feel underwhelmed and go about "improving" another room.

I'm logical enough to know that comparison is the thief of joy etc but I still get bogged down in this stuff. I just never feel good enough I suppose.

Toodeloo I wholeheartedly agree. Am tempted to print newdeer's post off and put it on my fridge tbh.

Have you thought about CBT?

I like the mantra ‘Happiness is a journey not a destination’.

Every day write down 3 positive things a day.

I think self-care is what's needed here. My therapist suggested a self-soothe box, which is where I put all the things that make me happy, no matter how frivolous they may seem to others, and use them when I need to. For me, that's some beautiful jigsaws (which also helps with mindful activity and gives my brain a rest), some hand warmers, some squidgy stress toys, some mindfulness cards and the Atmosphere app, which is like instant happy place for me. Even just knowing it's there is like an emotional safety net for me. Maybe you could put one together for you?

Remember that you are enough, just as you are.

Thanks newdeer, you have inspired me. I do think you have something there about the new things having the capacity to divert some of the same old same old neural shackles.

Sometimes what helps for me is to estimate how long certain small irritating things will take me, that I would love to just dump and put off, and aim to do up to three that I've estimated will take c. 20-30 minutes in a day during my best hours. Sometimes even, categorise a walk for 20 minutes, comfy shoes and carrying no bags, 2x a day, within this. Then do them and see if the estimate was reasonable (often I see it takes about that or less time, or if healthy it gives the chance to lengthen the walk or whatever by 5 mins or so), but absolutely not to decide to push too far beyond or make yourself tight for time with other stuff that is fixed.

I could have written this. Life mostly good but sometimes feel like I want to dissappear into myself, anxious about the world and people. For me it is very linked to my menstrual cycle, and has gotten more pronounced as I enter the perimenopause stage (I'm 47) - I found this out by some very careful tracking of mood and cycle over 6 months. Just before period - (ie just as my fertile window stops) is the peak point - huge anxiety and low moods. There is also a second not so pronounced blip at ovulation.

Things that helped -
Just acknowledging the feelings, and trusting they would eventually pass
Telling myself that I am loved, I am worthy of love and this feeling isn't a true reality of the world.
Not drinking... Esp at premenstrual stage (this lead to very dark spaces, even if only a few drinks)
Vitamin D, multi vitamin and evening primrose supplements
Dog walking at a brisk pace, without headphones - so I can feel connected to changing weather/scenary
Just stopping everything and having a nice cup of tea/coffee for 10 mins
Weights in gym with fun exercise music
Dancing in kitchen to happy music (I have a happy music playlist!)

I'm sure it will pass in time, but until then have a virtual hug, hope things feel more stable soon.

I just wandered around the shops listening to an old James album and weeping behind my sunnies. Everything feels so futile.

Then I went to burger King so now have self loathing to deal with.

I have a dog to walk as well.
I think I'm going to focus on exercise and pray that this is just severe PMT.
You're not alone.

Great thread! New deer 👼

I know it sounds simple but exercise. I recently lost the use of my car for about a month and had to cycle. The difference in my MH was nothing short of miraculous.

But now I have my car back... and the effort to even decide to use the bike (it's cold, right?) is just too much. I'm looking for a way to exercise that is routine eg a dance class. Thank goodness for your ddog, you have no choice!

St John's Wort is fab for short bursts to get you over a hump - it works pretty much immediately, no bedding in. I take it in tincture form.

Fergus huge big unmn hug from me.

MrsFrisby - have just checked my Flo app and I'm in smack inbetween ovulation and my period at the minute. It has occured to me before that it's connected to my hormones.

The last time it happened I was fully, horribly depressed and thought my contraceptive pill might have been a factor so came off it and have felt a lot better. Now this. I'm 39. 🤔.

springy will investigate St John's Wort. Thank you.

@springydaff - I didn't know StJohn's Wort worked immediately. Or that you could get it in tincture form. That's very helpful to know. Adding that to my list of remedies.

For me, knowing when im getting like that is half the battle. I will then force myself to exercise, do something productive (in my case some extra work) or cooking and to sleep when I get really bad, or watch some comedy. Put other stuff on hold if needs must.

Check you can take St Johns Wort with what you already have

@ChateauneufDuTwat does your app tell you the end of your fertile period? Mine is usually about day 13/14 - so right in the middle of my cycle.

@ChateauneufDuTwat sorry pressed send too soon. End of fertile period of where you get a drop/tapering of progesterone. And progesterone is a mood stabilising hormone.

Thats interesting stuff Newdeer and reminds me of some stuff ive been watching about boosting Emotional Intelligence, which is tied into this. Part of that starting out is keeping a diary of emotions, which I found helps track low moods with its triggers, along with it showing that they dont dominate me perhaps as much as I think.

Patroclus - I forgot about watching comedies. I really rate that as a healthy way of self-medicating. If you are feeling on the brink of a depression, watch lots of Father Ted reruns (or whatever makes you giggle) for an hour or so every night. Same with music. Upbeat, empowering music that makes you feel happy and capable.

Yes, to the right kind of music, not sitting crying along to Frightened Rabbit which is what I tend to do. It is a lot more effort to remember the small amount of happy songs I like though.
Patroclus I was inspired for a while by something we were doing at work to note down at the end of the day one good thing and one bad thing that had happened(well, it was supposed to be one of each but I did usually end up with a list). I think the point was to acknowlege that both good and bad things had happened and hopefully to let the bad thing go. It started pissing me off after a while and I stopped doing it. I think I ended up with too much of a focus on the bad things, but it was a good idea in theory.
Someone else suggested a mood diary to me, but I didn't know where to start with that really, but could see how it, in theory, should help me recognise that there are good days and bad days and the bad days do get better and to see if there is any kind of pattern or triggers to the bad days.

Can I just sit here and take notes please? Normally I have loads of strategies that work but I’m too overwhelmed to remember them right now.
Step 1 will be reading this thread.