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Original poster

Cynophobia- Really unsure what to make of this :(

42 replies

AChocworkOrange · 03/12/2019 14:50

Hi all,

First time poster but have lurked for a while. Am asking for a friend
. A is in the mid 20's, has special needs and lives with their family. They also have quite extreme Cynophobia (fear of dogs) which they have had since they were a young child.
A's mother, B, wants to get a dog, and has been in consultation with a breeder. apparently she has told them (breeder) that A is 'scared' but not the extent of the fear. A can't go near a dog and reacts with fear whenever they see one or are near one. B says she wants to get a dog to stop A being afraid of them, but A is unsure if this will work. the dog is a puppy, but A is scared of what will happen when the puppy grows.

Has anyone got any advice on what A can do, and they are incredibly anxious. A has had CBT before but it didn't work for them.

TIA x

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Original poster
AChocworkOrange · 03/12/2019 14:51

apologies for typos. am using my phone!

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InsufficientFuns · 03/12/2019 14:58

Getting a dog is a crazy idea if he's that scared. You can't just get a dog, you need to build up to it.

My son was very frightened of dogs. More than once he shinned up a tree in a park out of sheer fear.

We cracked it slowly. Over a year. In the following stages...

We used to watch programs about dogs
Visit friends with dogs
Borrow dogs for walks
Talk and coo over dogs we saw when we were out and about, talk about their feelings, try and get some empathy going.

Finally we got a dog ahead of schedule actually but our neighbour had to rehome.... but made clear it was his decision. She's small, sociable and very very cute and he was smitten instantly. He was still a bit anxious for the first week or so but I gave him jobs... You know, feeding doggy etc.

He now sleeps with the dog Smile

Original poster
AChocworkOrange · 03/12/2019 15:02

@InsufficientFuns Thank you for responding. Will pass it on Smile

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

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Dogs
InsufficientFuns · 03/12/2019 15:44

@AChocworkOrange

Start with The Secret Lives of Puppies while you eat dinner. It's the first thing we did. Baby steps!

Original poster
AChocworkOrange · 03/12/2019 15:46

@InsufficientFuns 🙂

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SutterCane · 03/12/2019 15:59

There are some dog training clubs who run courses specifically for dealing with cynophobia. They're usually aimed at children but if there are any within reach they may be able to help.

Getting a puppy is a spectacularly bad idea and could very well make the situation much worse. Puppies aren't docile little things, they're bitey and excitable with needle sharp little teeth that draw blood very easily. It takes time to teach them not to bite, not to jump up, not to hang off clothes with their teeth, not to destroy things, etc.

I'd also be concerned if the breeder is happy letting a puppy go to a home where someone is nervous of dogs (even if this has been downplayed) and without having met them to see how they interact. Usually conscientious breeders want to meet the whole family and evaluate how they interact with their dogs, starting with the adults, before deciding if they're suitable for one of their puppies.

teenageanxy · 03/12/2019 16:21

An older calm dog would be much easier. One that isn't going to be easily excited, bitey etc.

Original poster
AChocworkOrange · 03/12/2019 16:35

Hello Everyone,

Thank you very much for all your responses.

The puppy that B wants to get is a bulldog.

A is scared of dogs barking, and B thinks she can teach the dog not to bark. B and her husband say that they are getting a dog because B has wanted one for a long time, but has felt unable to get one because of A. They also say that they are getting a dog because 'A is in their twenties and not a child'. B has also said she is doing this for A because she loves them and doesn't want them to be scared of anything. A loves B very much, but is just worried about what will happen when the dog is there.

B has also said that she has paid a deposit to the breeder and is going to see the dog soon, so it does sound as if the breeder had just taken payment or is going to on the word of A.

Some good points have been made about the breeder. I do think it is very strange that they have just taken payment just like that without seeing the family dynamic about the dog.

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Original poster
AChocworkOrange · 03/12/2019 16:36

Around the dog, I mean!

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InsufficientFuns · 03/12/2019 17:52

Wow, I so think that's appalling, they really should be taking their son's needs into account!

If he's scared enough for CBT, it's hardly going to resolve itself overnight is it Hmm

Original poster
AChocworkOrange · 03/12/2019 17:55

@InsufficientFuns A is female. I don't know what do make of it either. Hmm

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BalloonSlayer · 03/12/2019 18:02

My DC don't have special needs but when small they were petrified of dogs. Their childminder had a baby and the only one they could go to while she was on maternity leave had a small, elderly, (but also quite yappy and getty in the wayey) dog. I was quite worried but it worked well and they relaxed hugely about dogs in general as a result. After they stopped going to that childminder and the years passed the nervousness did come back.

Obviously this is probably not that helpful in this particular situation but thought I would say that it's not necessarily a terrible idea. One of the things I think that scared my DC is that my sister had a harmless but boisterous dog who would jump up, so if we ever went there she shut it in the kitchen, from whence it would bark and scrabble at the door . . . I think the DC thought it was a child-eating monster and in retrospect this kind act of saving them distress probably made them more afraid than if they had been bounded up to and slobbered on, which was all that would have happened.

BlueLadybird · 03/12/2019 18:04

I don’t really understand the whole A and B thing, but do I take it that a mother is getting a dog despite her resident adult daughter who has special needs being severely phobic?

If so, this is obviously very cruel. If the mother can’t be persuaded out of it then the only other options are for the daughter to seek further treatment for the fear, or consider whether living elsewhere is possible.

Original poster
AChocworkOrange · 03/12/2019 18:24

@baloonslayer Thank you for your insight. Really helpful to read other people's opinions!

Blue Ladybird, That is about the crux of it, yes. A's family have been talking about it for a couple of years, but she didn't think they would actually do it. They live in a small rural village and getting treatment can be quite hard. The family has said that she can move elsewhere if she can't cope, but A is incredibly close to her mum and loves her dearly, so does want to avoid moving out. it's just really sad for her :(

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Nonstopbuttmachine · 03/12/2019 18:29

Is she scared of dogs or just dogs barking? I believe I have hyperacusis and was terrified of dogs as a child as their barking was unbearable (sounded like gunshots right next to my ear). Ditto fireworks, balloons bursting and champagne corks.

I love dogs but even at the age of 46 I still flinch when one barks; it sends shock waves through me and I want to run away.

Bluetrews25 · 03/12/2019 18:45

I was scared of dogs, but we had to get one due to multiple attempted break ins. I took her to training where I was trained! and she became my dog and I fell in love. I'm sad it took me over 40 years to get to that stage.
Sometimes immersion is a successful way to go.

Original poster
AChocworkOrange · 03/12/2019 18:47

@Bluetrews25 she's terrified of dogs in general, and can't really be near team. It has apparently been this way since she was young.

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Original poster
AChocworkOrange · 03/12/2019 18:48

Sorry that was meant to be to @Nonstopbuttmachine. Only just getting used to posting on here! My apologies.

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Original poster
AChocworkOrange · 03/12/2019 18:49

@Bluetrews25 many thanks for your comment. Am showing A all your responses x

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PickAChew · 03/12/2019 18:52

My ds with severe sn is afraid of dogs. My parents have a dog, small, affectionate and not too loud or jumpy but Ds2 is still very nervous of him, after knowing him for about 8 years.

MrMeSeeks · 03/12/2019 18:56

I think this is horrendous, on both her dd and the ddog.
This is so unfair and cruel on both pf them and i cannot believe a mother would do this.
In a few months that poor dog is going to end up being dumped and her dd will be even worse Sad

MitziK · 03/12/2019 19:03

Could this be a subtle way of getting the adult child to move out and become independent? As in 'she's more capable than she realises/isn't willing to take that step - doing this will either help her to manage her fear of dogs or push her into being an adult'?

Original poster
AChocworkOrange · 03/12/2019 19:07

@MitziK it isn't that A isn't willing. She suffers from a physical condition that lives her really fatigued. Her mother is her main carer.

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ForalltheSaints · 03/12/2019 19:21

I had a dog jump in my pram as a small child. I could not comfortably be near a dog probably until my early 30s. I am not a person with special needs unlike A as described by the OP.

No is a complete sentence to the suggestion, I think.

Original poster
AChocworkOrange · 03/12/2019 19:24

@ForalltheSaints 👍🏻

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