Examples of meanness

[tuesdayportraits]

I don't mean having to be careful because you're short of money - I'm from a background of my parents not having enough money to pay all the bills. I don't mean looking for a bargain - we all do that

I know someone who hangs around the supermarkets when they're reducing the food that's past it's use by date and buys as much as she can carry. Buys nearly all her clothes from charity shops despite having their own business and renting out several properties.

I had a boyfriend I lived with who if my family or friends came to stay he bought his own food and refused to contribute anything financially to extra food or drink for them even though I did for his friends and family - I left him after he did this with my mum

Those that will always buy their own drink rather than joining a kitty

A friend who overpaid me for tickets by £2 and sent me a text saying could I transfer it into her bank account ASAP, like now, again she's by no means hard up.

One who complains that her cheap kitchen is looking tired and chipped after 5 years - and mocked us for getting a more expensive good quality one

Another one who's always telling me I could have got an item of clothing I'm wearing cheaper elsewhere - so what? I chose to spend my money how I want

My SIL belittles any choices we make holiday wise because she thinks they are too expensive. And then spends more doing something I consider to be shit but that’s her thing so let her enjoy it. She does not let us enjoy it. That’s mean.

I'd far rather buy my own drink than join a kitty. I drink less and more slowly than everyone else I know and am not subsidising other people's nights out!

I know someone who hangs around the supermarkets when they're reducing the food that's past it's use by date and buys as much as she can carry. Buys nearly all her clothes from charity shops despite having their own business and renting out several properties.

Just because someone has what you consider lots of money doesn’t mean they should spend it as you think they should. I don’t think the above aren’t examples of meanness. Wearing charity shop clothes is eco friendly and benefits the charity. Do you really think someone should buy an overpriced sweat shop produced top just because they can afford to instead of going to a charity shop? Your boyfriend was mean as that was affecting others but the person in this quote is not.

I hate it when people suggest a kitty, I don't understand the point at all. Isn't it just people who drink less, or cheaper drinks, subbing those who chug it down? I'd much rather get my own and drink at my own pace.

My local clothes n stuff market on a Thursday has a stall where clothes are €2 €3 €5 per item. I spent €50 last month and have a whole new wardrobe including: a variety of angora and wool jumpers, Hollister, FatFace, LandsEnd, Eddie Bauer mackintosh, Barbour top, Lacoste jumper, Ralph Lauren lumberjack shirt, beautiful merino wool scarf... Every thing got washed before wearing and I look fab. Not mean. I prefer 2nd hand, always have done.

I know someone who hangs around the supermarkets when they're reducing the food that's past it's use by date and buys as much as she can carry. Buys nearly all her clothes from charity shops despite having their own business and renting out several properties.

I don't see either of those as examples of 'meanness' -- in fact, both reduce waste, so are a good thing.

And I think not buying rounds is a perfectly acceptable decision, especially if you don't drink alcohol, or a slow or lightweight drinker in a much bigger-drinking group, or just because you don't want to.

I'll admit to being impatient when my elderly parents were picked up at a UK airport by some wealthy English relatives, who had offered to drive them to the other relative with whom they were staying, and were too cheap to buy food or drink (or indeed to allow my parents to buy it) on the way. Instead, they pulled into the forecourt of a petrol station and took out those folding fishing chairs from the boot and sat there with Thermoses, cheese sandwiches and digestives. to my parents' bemusement.

Ok, I agree re the clothes and past its use by date food and we all love a bargain but it when it's part of a whole attitude of meanness. That I don't like

I think Evilmorty has the nail on the head with her comment "She does not let us enjoy it. That’s mean."

Do whatever you like, spend how you want, but when you start spoiling other people's spending for no reason, you cross a line.

Nothing wrong with getting a bargain and/or not being wasteful but when it ends up being grim and joyless then it’s pretty awful.
My Grandparents would only eat at 2 for 1 pubs and counted every penny, very trip out had to be endlessly debated to see if it’s was worth the petrol, they hardly put the heating on and onjy the lights once you could hardly see. They died within a month of eachother and left a decent amount of money to my mum and uncles but they all wished that the had enjoyed life a bit more

Those that will always buy their own drink rather than joining a kitty

I don’t agree that this is an example of being mean with money, IME it’s always the ones keenest on subsidising their expensive drinks at other people’s expense who are in favour of kitties.

The kitty suggestion has reminded me of one friend, we met up at a cafe after school drop off.
I ordered a scone and a tea. She ordered a tea, a full English breakfast, a child sized full English breakfast for her toddler and a glass of milk - and then turned to me and said “you pay for this, I’ll get it the next time”. And apparently I was then the one being “mean” with money for saying no, let’s pay separately even though her food was more than 3 times more expensive than mine.

I had a friend like this. I stopped talking about things I bought as it was always 'That's SO expensive!' when it really wasn't.

Those that will always buy their own drink rather than joining a kitty

Nope! You can stick your £12 cocktails and £40 bottles of wine up your arse when I'm happy with my £2 half a lager nothing to do with the cost either, I much prefer the taste over vinegar wine or sickly cocktails

I have posted on here before about a friend who invited us to her new holiday home for a weekend. There were three guests and her for 2 nights. The night before we arrived she sent us a copy of the supermarket delivery bill that she wanted us to divvy up. It included 48 toilet rolls and a £10 box of Persil. At the time her husband was staying with my husband at our second home for a golf weekend (as he has done for many years). We have never once asked him (or any guest) to chip in for household basics when he stays there because he’s our GUESTS!!!

The same couple once invited a few of us round for dinner. We all turned up with wine/chocolates/flowers as hostess gifts. After a little chit chat our host said he hadn’t felt like cooking and was going to order a takeaway. That was surprising but fair enough - until the next day when we got a group text with their bank details asking us to chip in about £3.50 each for our share.

The quality of food and drinks is so dreadful at the stations that I would prefer to also have my own sandwich and thermos, in fact I often do. I draw the line at the chairs however!!

I think you need to look up what "meanness" means.

We have a very comfortable household income and everything in my freezer has a yellow sticker on it. It's not "past its best". Why would you want to give the supermarket more money than you need to? Ditto charity shop clothes, it's actively choosing not to have brand new, not to buy into fast fashion (even though a lot of stuff in charity shops is new, or almost new).

People being tightfisted is another matter.

Has anyone not thought that homeless charities might benefit more from some of the food that supermarkets reduce when its past its use by date

My Grandparents would only eat at 2 for 1 pubs and counted every penny, very trip out had to be endlessly debated to see if it’s was worth the petrol, they hardly put the heating on and onjy the lights once you could hardly see.

I expect they lived through the Second World War and rationing (possibly the depression too depending on their ages) and these are ingrained habits

Do the supermarkets give it to the homeless if it isn’t sold? Also- supermarkets can’t sell stuff that’s past it’s use by date. Nor can they give it to homeless people. They reduce stuff that is very close to or on its use by date.

As far as I know they do. When I was a volunteer for a women's aid hostel they used to get loads of M& S foods sent to them

A man who charged his partner car mileage for trips to the supermarket etc!

Did not last! Surprise!

@nellyitsmeagain

ex SIL invited us up for Xmas lunch. No heating on, a small chicken between 6 of us and the cheapest bottle of wine I think she could find. After dinner, We sat hungry and my teeth chattered with the cold. We went to my mums and had a 2nd diner to make up for it

2nd dinner

I made the mistake of letting an ex stay with me 4 nights a week and contribute nothing towards food or household costs. Always paid my way when going out too!What a mug I was,£50 a week better off now.

I hate the whole kitty/split the bill thing. I go out for dinner occasionally with a small group of friends. Me and one other woman usually drive so we only drink soft drinks. One of the other women over orders on the food, which she never finishes, and gulps downs double whisky and cokes. I've never not paid my equal share of the bill, but I resent subbing her whisky binge when I'm drinking water or cola.