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Original poster

Examples of meanness

45 replies

tuesdayportraits · 02/12/2019 14:20

I don't mean having to be careful because you're short of money - I'm from a background of my parents not having enough money to pay all the bills. I don't mean looking for a bargain - we all do that

I know someone who hangs around the supermarkets when they're reducing the food that's past it's use by date and buys as much as she can carry. Buys nearly all her clothes from charity shops despite having their own business and renting out several properties.

I had a boyfriend I lived with who if my family or friends came to stay he bought his own food and refused to contribute anything financially to extra food or drink for them even though I did for his friends and family - I left him after he did this with my mum

Those that will always buy their own drink rather than joining a kitty

A friend who overpaid me for tickets by £2 and sent me a text saying could I transfer it into her bank account ASAP, like now, again she's by no means hard up.

One who complains that her cheap kitchen is looking tired and chipped after 5 years - and mocked us for getting a more expensive good quality one

Another one who's always telling me I could have got an item of clothing I'm wearing cheaper elsewhere - so what? I chose to spend my money how I want

OP posts:

ScreamingValenta · 02/12/2019 16:50

I know someone who hangs around the supermarkets when they're reducing the food that's past it's use by date and buys as much as she can carry. Buys nearly all her clothes from charity shops

That's not mean! It's sensible and environmentally conscious.

Those that will always buy their own drink rather than joining a kitty

That's a matter of choice - if they are a slow drinker, why should they pay for others to drink much more? If they are a fast drinker, they might not want to wait for the kitty rounds.

PineappleDanish · 02/12/2019 17:11

some of the food that supermarkets reduce when its past its use by date

You haven't a clue.... Supermarkets do not sell food past its use by date. That would be illegal.

Supermarkets reduce things (usually) on the day of the use by date. Buying things and sticking them in the freezer or using them that day is not eating out of date food.

Most large supermarkets aim to reduce food waste at all cost. Many do have schemes to pass on items which haven't sold to various charities.

But it's quite clear that the OP is a bit sneery about charity shops and reduced to clear and has gone from "people who buy it are mean and tightfisted" to "well they should leave it for charities".

Original poster

tuesdayportraits · 02/12/2019 17:22

@PineappleDanish do you know me? get off your high horse. I've obviously hit a raw nerve

OP posts:

PineappleDanish · 02/12/2019 17:27

No, you're just wholly mistaken. We all know someone who is tightfisted and mean. That's not necessarily demonstrated in the ways you mentioned.

separatebeds · 02/12/2019 17:28

I have a tight fisted friend. He used my card to go to the bar and buy a round of drinks (with my permission) and then claimed he had bought his round and it was my turn next!!!.

Original poster

tuesdayportraits · 02/12/2019 17:38

Really?

OP posts:

MissCharleyP · 02/12/2019 17:55

The kitty thing - nope. I don’t drink a lot (3 drinks max on a night out) so I’m not subbing others. Went out with a group of my best friends friends a few years ago. We got there late due to traffic. I got out first drinks and paid for them at the bar. We then had a main and dessert and one more drink each (coke for her, glass of wine for me). Got the bill at the end and we chucked in £25 (it was Prezzo or similar so that was fair). The others were “But we’re £100 short. That can’t be right what you’ve paid.” and wanted another £20 from each of us. They had been sharing bottles of wine all night and the only drinks we’d had on the bill came to about £6. I told them I was not paying for their extra drinks. I’m not tight but I won’t have the piss taken out of me either.

CalamityJune · 02/12/2019 18:02

I also don't think all of your examples are meanness.

The short dated food and charity shop thing for example- lots of that stuff might otherwise go to waste. Why should she pay full price if she has the time to get hold of a bargain? The supermarket throws less away and the charity shop benefits through money and free sale space.

Similarly the kitty and rounds; i don't like them in a big group. It gets confusing and I prefer to drink at my own pace. If you're out with another couple and sharing bottles of wine for instance then it makes sense.

NeverGotMyPuppy · 02/12/2019 18:13

Why are you being rude to PP OP? No one is on their high horse, they are calling you out for being incorrect.

Poetryinaction · 02/12/2019 18:29

OP you sound very mean and nasty.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 03/12/2019 11:41

Has anyone not thought that homeless charities might benefit more from some of the food that supermarkets reduce when its past its use by date

Charities that support the homeless aren't just a dumping ground for perishable foods. The one I volunteer for quite carefully plans the weekly meals they will be making (yes they get some perishable food, but its extra/'bonus' food). They also can't easily store bulk deliveries, and then they have to bin them the next day as well (because you can't go round serving food past its use-by date to "external" diners like you can at home). Dry/canned/long life goods are a LOT more useful.

Things like the Christmas Eve big donations from local supermarkets are planned for in advance and even then there will be lots they can't take because they have no way of using or storing it.

Jupiters · 03/12/2019 11:56

As others have said not wanting to be involved in a drinks kitty doesn't automatically equal meanness.

I'm often the designated driver. If I'm drinking £2 soft drinks and everyone else is on £12 cocktails, will I get involved in a kitty? Not a chance!

SilverySurfer · 03/12/2019 12:06

Ex-friend and I went to Betty's Teashop for a snack, ex-f refused to split the bill because mine came to 24p more.

Andypromqueen · 03/12/2019 12:12

OP - you sound a bit immature!
My dh is very wealthy but loves shopping in charity shops. He buys lots of books and some clothes and he also visits car boot sales nearly every weekend in the summer. If someone wants £1 for something he will try to knock them down to 50p!
This is why he’s very wealthy - he’s an excellent businessman! It’s the thrill of the bargain for him.
In other ways he’s very generous but some people would probably think he was a tightarse.
Also don’t see anything wrong with buying stickered food.
You heard of the saying “count the pennies and the pounds look after themselves?” - it’s true!

Andypromqueen · 03/12/2019 12:14

Also I hate drinks kitties - for opposite reasons to most. I’m a greedy cow and often have the most expensive thing on the menu and side orders plus pudding and cocktails and I don’t want to hold myself back coz I’m worried about my friend sat next to me who doesn’t drink and is eating salad!
For that reason I always pay my own way.

ShadowOnTheSun · 03/12/2019 12:52

Wrong examples, imo.

I don't participate in drinks 'rounds'. To be fair, I'm from a different culture where this is not a thing, people just pay for their own stuff, so maybe I just don't understand it. I rarely go out, but when I do - I drink quite a lot, often possibly more than other people, and my choice of drink is also a bit more expensive. I don't think other people would like paying for my drinking. In my mind, 'mean and tightfisted' (and also massively rude and cheeky-fuckery) would be to see that I 'forgot my wallet' at the end of the evening (I don't do that, of course). How is it 'mean' if I cover my bill and other people cover theirs?

Also I buy yellow stickers and second-hand stuff. Not everything, not always, but it often happens. No, I'm not going to invite people to dinner and then greet them with a pack of out-of-date crisps and one packet of cheapest crackers, if I invite people over - I'm cooking a proper dinner, enough for everybody, with dessert, drinks and all the normal things. But what I eat myself and buy for myself.. I don't see how it's anyone's business.

Woeisme99 · 03/12/2019 13:07

I've a friend who is incredibly mean. We met for coffee a few weeks ago and she brought a flask and 2 plastic mugs and wanted us to sit on the grass drinking shit luke warm nescafe.
She seriously is not short of money but just doesn't value nice things like having coffee and cake or suchlike, which I see as the small every day things to be enjoyed.
Her meanness is off putting and I have really cut back on meeting up with her.

SpiderCharlotte · 03/12/2019 13:22

get off your high horse. I've obviously hit a raw nerve

Oh the irony of someone sneering at people buying their clothes at charity shops and buying reduced food in the supermarkets, telling someone else to get of their high horse.

Has anyone not thought that homeless charities might benefit more from some of the food that supermarkets reduce when its past its use by date

You don't seem to understand that not everyone who has a roof over their head is revelling in dosh. You don't have to be homeless to be struggling - far too many parents struggle to feed their families - so they need to be homeless first before you approve?

I'd have thought you'd know this stuff from when you volunteered at a woman's aid hostel. (Of course you did ...)

Hepsibar · 03/12/2019 13:36

I do not think not paying into a kitty is being mean. If you are not drinking alcoholic drinks, why should you pay for others. What is wrong with just buying your own drink and paying for what you can afford.

Items of meanness when could be afforded include, not putting petrol in the car when you are both sharing a lift. Never doing a random act of generosity when you can afford to. When you know others are hard up and they come to you (and you are their last resort) making them squirm, hear about how successful they are, what spongers are and then and only at the last minute helping. Flashing the cash to get people to do things they dont really want to. Promising people in badly paid jobs eg waiters on holiday if they do this and that you will give them a tip and then not doing so. Calculating and knowing the price of everything and the value of nothing.

rhubarbcrumbles · 03/12/2019 13:50

I don't see buying food past the best before date (shops aren't allowed to sell food after the sell by date) if she's happy to eat it as it saves waste and there isn't going to be anything wrong with it. Charity shops benefit from the sale and again it cuts waste.

It's irrelevant what they do for a job.

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