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Original poster

Tutor and lack of confidentiality

32 replies

TutorWoes · 02/12/2019 09:25

My DS is tutored by a teacher who works at the school my DS attends but is not his class teacher.

The arrangement has been going well until another ( very loud) parent stopped me in the playground and said, ' My DD is now bring tutored by Miss X, like your DS' she then starts wittering on about what her child is being tutored for but I was just standing there gobsmacked. We haven't told anyone that DS is being tutored, apart from his class teacher.It was said in front of my friend who just looked confused but said nothing afterwards. I'm fuming. Why has she done this to me? I thought keeping it confidential would be a given. It's completely spoilt things now.

What do you think I should do? Its just such a shame as DS was really benefitting from the sessions but the teacher violated his privacy!

OP posts:
Seeline · 02/12/2019 09:29

Are you sure the children haven't said anything? When my DD was being tutored all the other children in the class knew who was being tutored by who - they chatted all the time.

Also, could you have been seen arriving or leaving the tutoring session. we were always bumping into classmates at ours.

I wouldn't automatically assume the tutor has mentioned anything.

Original poster
TutorWoes · 02/12/2019 09:31

Parent said to me 'Miss X said she is tutoring ( DS name) ' which confirms she has blabbed to her

OP posts:
Atalune · 02/12/2019 09:34

Should it be confidential though? I think unless you stipulated that it was a secret then it’s not a breach.

You also said “applied things now” which to me is strange, what do you mean?

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Pinkflipflop85 · 02/12/2019 09:36

For all you know the children have discussed it. Then the parent could have asked/mentioned it to the teacher and she confirmed.

Not entirely sure what the issue is?

ghostyslovesheets · 02/12/2019 09:39

Blimey so much drama ‘violated’ ffs Hmm

I’m not sure her tutoring your child is confidential anyway

Seeline · 02/12/2019 09:42

Why has she done this to me?

Well she hasn't. it is you son's privacy that is at the centre of this, not yours.

I don't agree with kids having to keep things secret anyway. It's not good for them, and it's not a good habit to get into.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 02/12/2019 09:42

Why would this be confidential in the first place?

Namechanger23455 · 02/12/2019 09:43

Why would it be a given? What has she done to you?
I’m confused as to why it’s an issue tbh

ballsdeep · 02/12/2019 09:44

Why would it be confidential? Did you ask her for it to be? You are making a mountain out of a molehill tbh

Teachermaths · 02/12/2019 09:44

Why does it need to be confidential?

I would never tutor students in the school I was teaching in. It blurs boundaries and could be seen to be favouring students.

Nojustyou · 02/12/2019 09:44

did you just want your child to exceed but keep pretending that it was natural to him and gush how very clever your little darling, "I don't know where he gets that from - tinkly laugh'?

Unless you made it clear to the tutor the lessons were confidential, how on earth would they guess?

saraclara · 02/12/2019 09:45

I'm about as private a person as it's possible to be, but I can't see the problem here.
Did you ask the tutor not to tell anyone that she is tutoring your son?

Original poster
TutorWoes · 02/12/2019 09:54

I have an expectation that professionals should act professionally, not gossiping is part of that.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 02/12/2019 09:59

I don’t see that as gossip
You are being a bit dramatic really

Teachermaths · 02/12/2019 10:00

That's really not gossip!

ballsdeep · 02/12/2019 10:07

Gossiping?
It seems like you don't want others to know that your child is struggling and needs extra help. I think this is more of your problem than anything else tbh

misspiggy19 · 02/12/2019 10:08

Why has she done this to me? I thought keeping it confidential would be a given. It's completely spoilt things now.

^Spoilt things? So you can continue to pretend your child has a natural ability as opposed to needing help?

MissMarpletheMurderer · 02/12/2019 10:09

If you wanted it to Be. A. Secret then you shouldn't have chosen a teacher linked to the school. I'd imagine it would be very unprofessional if a teacher was having secret meetings with a child.

Auradal · 02/12/2019 10:11

I'm a tutor and I don't name anyone I am tutoring to anyone else. It has nothing to do with anyone else so not necessary to tell a child or a parent "Oh, I also teach X in your class".
I think that as tutors we should assume that people do not want others to know that their child is being tutored.
Plenty of people on this thread saying what's the big deal etc. Yes, there's absolutely no shame in requiring some extra help but some parents, for their own reasons, don't wish to share this information around the playground.
I do think the tutor was a bit out of order if she did in fact say that to the other parent. But maybe the other parent asked and she just came out with it.

Why do you say the arrangement has been "spoilt" now? Surely your child can just continue to go for lessons. It's really no one else's business and if you DS benefits from the lessons I wouldn't move him to some other tutor who he might not get on with as well.

ChilliMum · 02/12/2019 10:20

I am not sure why you thought it would be confidential unless you specifically requested it to be so Hmm

I have done some tutoring and I have hired tutors for my kids at different times and the first question I ask is about their experience of tutoring kids of a similar age.

I am also not sure how the tutoring has been spoilt by it not being a secret. I wouldn't have thought this would have any impact on what the tutor does with your child at all.

katielilly · 02/12/2019 10:23

I agree with Auradal. I don't think this should have been shared with the other mother. Also, your DS may not have wanted this to be common knowledge amongst his friends, opening him up to potential? bullying.
I'd discuss it with your son and consider looking by for another tutor with a bit more judgment.

Original poster
TutorWoes · 02/12/2019 10:59

It's not about it being a secret because I don't want people to know my child is struggling, my child is actually really bright and needs extra challenge, point is it's no ones business but ours. The tutor has gone and ruined that, put me in an awkward situation in the playground.

I feel that some of the posters on here deliberately take an contrary position and just want to attack, not give advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
TutorWoes · 02/12/2019 11:02

Chillimum - you have previously tutored? Yes I agree it's a fair enough question to ask if a tutor has worked with a specific age group but you actually felt the need to name specific children to 'prove' yourself? Bet you were popular Hmm

OP posts:
Nagsnovalballs · 02/12/2019 11:05

I was a very successful tutor for years. I got handed round families and handed down to younger siblings too - everyone talked about tutoring with me and eventually my books were full just from word of mouth recommendations.

I don’t get why there is all this drama? It is usually a vote of confidence that a tutor can say they work with other children at the school, or parents talk about the tutor to other parents.

ChicCroissant · 02/12/2019 11:06

So you haven't spoken to the tutor yet to see if that's what happened?

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