Least favourite Christmas songs and carols

[wanderings]

Come hither, Scrooges, let's have a bah humbug musical moan. Which seasonal songs make your heart sink every time you hear the first few notes? My nominations are:

Santa baby - just plain ugh.

Santa Claus is comin' to town: no wonder some children are scared of Santa!

Last Christmas.

I wish it could be Christmas every day, for obvious reasons.

Slow ones, like I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, and chestnuts roasting on an open fire.

Any rendition of a carol where the rhythm has been totally messed up, especially if it's sung slowly and with no accompaniment.

Also the really sad ones: Christmas shoes, The little boy that Santa Claus forgot, the cat carol. Warning - do not listen to the cat carol unless you really want to be bawling your eyes out, especially if you love cats, it is the saddest Christmas song I have ever heard, by a long way, and makes grown men cry. It claims to have a happy ending, but it really doesn't. Before you Google, you have been warned!

I love carols, except away in a manger (because I've heard it so many times), and I saw three ships: how did three ships sail into landlocked Bethlehem? I've just checked on the map, and I can't even see a river.

Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time by Paul McCartney. He clearly gave up on the lyrics quite early on because he resorts to just going "ding dong" over the top of some farty synthesizer noises, the lazy twat.

Stop the Cavalry is really sinister. I think it's the plodding bass line that does it, and Jona Lewie's monotonous voice.

That one by the Pretenders, I don't know what it's called, but I can't bear Chrissie Hynde's voice on it.

Rocking Around the Christmas Tree, because of the way she sings the word "holly" with four syllables in a twee little baby voice. Ditto the entirety of Santa Baby because it paints women as empty-headed materialistic grabbers.

I hate most Christmas pop songs, tbh, but I like most carols, especially the Coventry Carol and the Sans Day Carol. The only exception is O Holy Night because it seems to have become a vocal exercise for over-earnest X Factor contestants to bellow in the Mariah Carey style.

Little Saint Nick...run run fucking reindeer I've been known to leave shops if it starts playing!

Any Cliff Richard. My mum's a big fan so I could never get away. Away in a manger, for the tweeness. Fairytale of New York - I don't mind her bits so much, but his singing is horrendous.

Bob Dylan - "Must Be Santa"

Even Bob's angelic-sounding voice can't redeem this one....

Not wanting to derail this great thread, but is there a favourite Christmas songs thread? or do we need to start one?!

Well my favourites are 'Proper Chrimbo', 'Don't let the bells end' and and Mel Smith & Kim Wilde 'Rockin around the Christmas tree.' 'Last Christmas is brilliant-I won't hear a word against it. Lovely George Michael.

Hate the rest especially Fairytale of New York and the Chris de Burgh one.

I love Thea Gilmore's "That'll Be Christmas".

Terrorvision have just received a new Christmas barnstormer that was apparently long-promised. Doesn't do anything for me, though. It's not good or bad - just meh.

*They've just released a song - nogtreceived one from some mystery spirit guide.

*nogtreceived

Stupid keyboard - I just removed that random 'g' and it not only left it in but ran it into the next word. Well, I blame the keyboard, anyway....

I was probably subconsciously dreaming of a white Te Noihydc

That one by the Pretenders, I don't know what it's called, but I can't bear Chrissie Hynde's voice on it

"He's gone....onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.....onnnnnne two thousand milessssssssss "

.Two Thousand Miles .......

"Cold Cold Christmas" by Dana. Ugh!

Oh, I just thought of another stinker. Naughty Christmas (Goblin in the Office) by Fat Les. It's probably a bit obscure but it came out in my second year at uni and the bloke I was seeing at the time bought it and kept singing it at me. I honestly think he thought it made him appear impish and lovable, but he was very wrong about that.

"He's gone....onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.....onnnnnne two thousand milessssssssss "

.Two Thousand Miles .......

Psht! Haud yer wheesht, hen, and just put the Proclaimers on twice instead!!

Why is she wearing a Salvation Army outfit?

As a former choir second alto, my pet hates are anything by John Rutter or Bob Chilcott. Firstly, every choir director heads straight for these two when planning their Christmas concert programme, and secondly because they write boring alto parts. Mind you, most composers do - the sopranos get the tune, the tenors have to have some interesting bits (because choirs are chronically short of men so we have to keep them happy), and the basses get all the lovely, deep velvety notes - and then the altos get any left over notes that the composer wants in the texture. The only thing worse than an alto line? I am glad you asked - it is a second alto line - all the bits that are too boring even for the altos.

One of our choir directors used to say that he wanted to do a Christmas concert with no Rutter in it at all - and call the concert It Can’t Believe It’s Not Rutter’ - but much to my disappointment, even he couldn’t stay away from it.

Some of their pieces are wonderful - it is their inescapable ubiquity that makes me hate them.

Definitely the Pogues Fairytale of New York. I can't bear to listen to it. I turn off the car radio when it comes on. I'd happily walk out of a shop if they were playing it.

Least favorite is this

I'll just leave this as...errr. well, judge away.

Fairytale of NY is the one I will leave the shop when it comes on.

Away in a Manger is a total drear fest, and my schmaltz-alert is activated any time there's a "little" or "donkey" involved.

Mistletoe and Wine, total crap.

Awww, The Cat Carol was so sad .

I can't think of any I particularly hate myself. Though I consider it only acceptable to play Christmas songs in December, or in summer for a laugh.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

I hear you alto sister. I left the UK 12 years ago so Id really like to do a bit of Rutter or Chilcott and I NEVER thought I would say that. Here's in boring alto lines.

at ‘I can’t believe it’s not Rutter’. That definitely needs to happen.

Looking again, there actually appear to be TWO different Cat Carols - the secular one by Meryn Cadell and another one based around the Nativity by Ted Hutchinson.

How did THAT even happen?!

"You mean to tell me that there were TWO lobsters present at the birth of Jesus?!"