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Original poster

Oh Hod, feel like world's shittiest shittiest mum :(

52 replies

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 29/11/2019 20:00

DD1 (nearly 5) had been playing up all evening. Asked for something specific for dinner then announced she didn't like it anymore when put in front of her, that sort of thing. Picking up her poorly toddler brother when asked not to as it upset him.

Bedtime and we all go upstairs. DD1 at the top and 21 mo DTs following. DD1 decides to create a "red line" not allowing the twins past the stair's head. I call up to her to stop, it's dangerous - she doesn't move. DTs rapidly approaching her with me just behind. I ask her twice more to move, now - she doesn't - DT2 now at top and collides with the "red line", toppling back down the stairs.

As I was right there I caught her , but it was heartstopping. Made sure DT2 okay then picked DD1 up, carried her to her room and really shouted at her. I try not to shout but I properly lost it. Sad

Feel so shit. DD1 in floods of tears. Argh.

OP posts:
Bluewavescrashing · 29/11/2019 20:03

Sounds stressful. But Overy much doubt you are a shit mum. Flowers

Bluewavescrashing · 29/11/2019 20:03

I very

marvellousnightforamooncup · 29/11/2019 20:06

That's probably what I would have done too.

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dementedma · 29/11/2019 20:06

You are not a shit mum. DD was being a pain and disobedient.
Talk to her calmly when you have all calmed down. Is she jealous of DTs?

MaggieMcSplash · 29/11/2019 20:07

I would have shouted loudly at that. It was dangerous. A softly softly approach to these things often doesn't work. You are not a bad mum at all. You sound like a great one. Give yourself a break. Just start tomorrow as a new day.

Michaelbaubles · 29/11/2019 20:09

Sometimes they need a Very Big Scare when they’ve done something properly dangerous. It really is the only way to separate those things from the every day “don’t do that” things. I doubt very much she’ll do it again. I find 5 is the peak of the having-to-get-very-angry years - they gain some sense from then on (well until teenagerdom anyway).

Original poster
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 29/11/2019 20:09

Aw thanks. Just feel bloody awful though. She is asleep now but she was so upset to be shouted at.

We need to find a way to get her to listen though.

OP posts:
FairyBatman · 29/11/2019 20:10

She did something dangerous despite you telling her not to. Softly softly doesn’t always work when DC are doing something dangerous.

gamerchick · 29/11/2019 20:10

I dont understand the red line. Did she push her?

You're not a shit mother. She did something dangerous and dangerous needs a fright.

Is she acting out for your attention maybe? Or maybe it just might simply be a bad day for her. Go give her a cuddle and let it go.

egontoste · 29/11/2019 20:10

She deserves to be in floods of tears, to be really honest. Sometimes that's the only way they learn.

topcat2014 · 29/11/2019 20:12

Sometimes you just have to be loud and shouty. Similar to if they run towards the road. This is not time for pleading and negotiation. The therapeutic part can come later.

user1471447924 · 29/11/2019 20:16

Well she won’t do it again!

Noseynails · 29/11/2019 20:16

I don’t have children but you are better than I would be… I wouldn’t just shouted, I would have hit with a wooden spoon.

Original poster
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 29/11/2019 20:17

The red line is this fucking annoying thing she has picked up from some kid at school. She spreads her arms and legs out a la da Vinci man and shouts "red line". No one is supposed to go past her. But she did it right at the stair head so when DT2 tried to get past she fell.

No pushing.

We did have a lot of cuddles but she also had an accident in her room when I was dashing about sorting DT2. Feel like she was so distressed she wet herself although she probably just needed a wee already.

Argh Sad

OP posts:
AnneTwackie · 29/11/2019 20:20

On a bad day you have to give yourself credit: All fed, none dead, Chuck it in the fuck it bucket and enjoy your evening Wine

gamerchick · 29/11/2019 20:23

Well she might remember it then. I'd be banning this red line thing in the house.

It might be worth having a little mammy daughter chat when she's distracted though to see if anythings bothering her. It might have just been one of those days though.

MayFayner · 29/11/2019 20:23

Oh god. My younger two are into this da Vinci man pose too, they are 5 and nearly 4, must be the age for it.

However, I have a rule of NO MESSING ON THE STAIRS- it’s non-negotiable, I’m constantly reinforcing it, and when necessary I have been known to go a bit ballistic.

You’re not a bad mum. You’re just trying to keep everyone safe.

Stegosaurus1990 · 29/11/2019 20:24

She deserved a good telling off. You reacted naturally to a very scary situation.

Gazelda · 29/11/2019 20:27

My DD was a similar age when I watched her about to run into the road. I wasn't close enough to reach her, so instinctively shouted NO at the top of my voice. She froze, terrified. I gave her the telling off of her little life.

MIL witnessed this and said to DD 'ah, poppet, mummy didn't mean to shout'. Yes, I bloody did.

DD has been an angel next to roads ever since.

EsmeeMerlin · 29/11/2019 20:32

I think most parents shout at kids doing dangerous things. I know the only time I have really shouted at ds1 was when he ran into the road and nearly got hit by a car. I got him on the pavement and really shouted. He never did it again.

You are not a shit mum, your dd did something dangerous that could have really hurt her sibling. Sometimes it has to be done, tomorrow explain to her why you shouted and tell her red line is banned in the house.

Iggly · 29/11/2019 20:33

Shes 5, she ballsed up. They’re impulsive at that age

It was the end of the day. Forgive yourself! Hard to stay calm in that situation.

I found when mine turned 4/5 and started school they became demons at about this time. They’re tired from the first term of school, they’re learning so much and growing too. It’s hard and you kind of have to adjust your approach a bit. She’s older and won’t respond as she would as a toddler.

ChaiNashta · 29/11/2019 20:37

Oh yes the 'no entry' line! My DS1 is 4 and does this to DS2 who is 2 and often at the top of the stairs!

TheNameGames · 29/11/2019 20:37

Honestly, you'd have been a 'shittiest' mum if you had not told her off and let her off for doing that. It could have resulted in something very serious. Do not be hard on yourself at all and read the above ^ replies for others that have done the same.

TheRightHonerable · 29/11/2019 20:37

Sounds to me like DD very much deserved a good shouting at!
I’d write general annoyance/dinner play ups...etc off as ‘general 5yo behaviour’
But putting her siblings in very serious danger on the stair case through wilfully ignoring you deserves a good shouting at!

imamearcat · 29/11/2019 20:38

Bit different but my 4yo DD wanged a tablet toy thing in a strop the other week and it hit DH on the head quite hard! She's never done anything like that and I absolutely saw red she got dragged to her room and I really shouted at her. Also felt bad but she's not done it since.

I don't think it does them any harm every now and again.