Oh Hod, feel like world's shittiest shittiest mum :(

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

DD1 (nearly 5) had been playing up all evening. Asked for something specific for dinner then announced she didn't like it anymore when put in front of her, that sort of thing. Picking up her poorly toddler brother when asked not to as it upset him.

Bedtime and we all go upstairs. DD1 at the top and 21 mo DTs following. DD1 decides to create a "red line" not allowing the twins past the stair's head. I call up to her to stop, it's dangerous - she doesn't move. DTs rapidly approaching her with me just behind. I ask her twice more to move, now - she doesn't - DT2 now at top and collides with the "red line", toppling back down the stairs.

As I was right there I caught her , but it was heartstopping. Made sure DT2 okay then picked DD1 up, carried her to her room and really shouted at her. I try not to shout but I properly lost it.

Feel so shit. DD1 in floods of tears. Argh.

Eh, if you believe that it was unwarranted, or not the way you would have liked to handle it, just apologize for how you reacted. It's ok to make mistakes and ask to be forgiven. Teaches them to spologize and believe me, as they get older, it's so much better for them to know they can realize they messed up and say sorry. Older kids sometimes feel the need to "save face" and will dig in their heels or double down, makjng everyone miserable. Apologize, forgive, forget......makes for a MUCH happier household.

No. The shortest mum would say “oh poppet please don’t cause the baby to fall down the stairs” “please poppet” “oh dear poppet oops” “oh and the other twin” “oh dear darling” “ah well, never mind, we’ll just have a fun little trip to A&E now shall we?”

Don't worry, Hod will forgive you!

I'd have done the same re. the stairs incident.

Acht everyone would shout in that situation.
I always explain to my kids that it’s when mummy & daddy are scared that we get angry/shout & I always apologise for any shouting. You were scared that her sibling was going to be badly hurt

You've not done anything wrong I'd have raised my voice too.

In the nicest possible way, get a grip. Your daughter absolutely deserved a bollocking for that, and if you’re going to have hours of hand wringing because you had to tell one of your kids off you’re going to be miserable and your kids will run rings around you.

It’s your job to do this kind of thing every now and then. Glad the toddler’s okay,

Yeah sounds like she deserved the bollocking. Think of it like this, when she’s 20 she’ll be saying “remember that time I made DT fall down the stairs and you yelled at me? Thank God you caught , I was so awful”

In other words, if you can imagine yourself saying to your adult DD that yep you were justified, then you almost certainly were.

Allotment yes good point, much better than remember when DT2 knocked all her teeth out or got a concussion!

Argh, trying to relax now. Not helped that twins' dummies got left at nursery and have taken 5 attempts to settle them

Thanks all.

I would have done the same, totally natural reaction to what was a very dangerous situation.

You did the right thing. Life could have been very different if you hadn't have been stood behind the little one. She needs to know that it is dangerous to play on the stairs.

Meh, doesn’t even register on my scale of “totally and utterly losing my shit”.

3 kids and they seem to be surviving shouty every now and then mum.

You did nothing wrong.

I yelled so loud at my son I damaged my vocal cords in my defense he was legging it into the road and a focus missed him by a whisker because I screamed so loud he actually stopped I was pregnant and couldnt catch him my midwife told me to be more careful I death glared her and said I'm not going to let my son be run over because I'm having a difficult pregnancy am I

Sorry pressed too soon! Point is he sobbed loudly while I explained he shouldn't do it because I frightened the pants off him he is ten (almost eleven) now and still wont walk out into the road to get in the car without my say so

Little brat. Id have lost it too, at nearly 5 she should have known it was dangerous and she'd be staying in her room for the rest of the night

Perhaps your midwife meant be more careful with your child, rather than your vocal cords slippery.

She deserved a telling off for what she did. Whatever you do from here, do not apologize. You have nothing to apologize for and she has to know that she was in the wrong, not you.

In the morning sit her down and talk about it with her properly and explain again why it was dangerous and why she needed to listen.

My DD is also 5 and I rarely shout. The other week she went to ride her scooter into the road as a car was approaching (an adult ahead had chanced it and DD went to follow) as she was on her scooter I literally had nothing to grab and I shouted from my very soul

DD cried and later said I had scared her. Good, I want her to be scared of being mowed down by a car!

Honestly, you did nothing wrong

Also, my mum shouted allll the time to the point I didn't even flinch let alone cry, I think their reactions make us feel worse but a worse reaction for me personally would be if DD didn't even react, it would mean it happens far too often. So the crying is a good sign in a bizarre way iyswim

I agree with everyone else really. If it's really dangerous then it is ok if you lose your shit occasionally.

Mine was about running across a car park. Ended with us both I tears, crying in the rain, but she didn't get run over and never did it again.

Kids need to know the difference between a 'that's really annoying' telling off and a 'THAT WAS NEARLY AN ABSOLUTE FUCKING DISASTER' telling off. It helps them distinguish between boundaries they can push and non-negotiable stuff that simply cannot happen.

I absolutely bellowed at my two when they threw something in the car while I was driving and it was horrible watching their little faces crumple but I had to comfort myself with the thought of how much more horrible it would have been if I had seen their little faces smashed into smithereens.

Today, you were there and able to catch your little one, tomorrow, you might not be but your daughter will not do it again. That's a parenting win all round!

Honestly your other child could have been hurt. Shouting was inevitable.

I HOLLERED at my two when they were at the age of doing the "escape from the car seat straps" thing. They only did it once each because I shouted so loudly. There's some stuff that just is not ok for them to do. I felt terrible though!

She could be slightly jealous so what about asking her to help so she feels like " a grown up" taking the twins to bed with mum an giving her a responsible role an then once their in bed and she's helped and been good you could have half hour together doing something she wants before she goes to bed ?
Just an idea but you are farrrrr from a shitty mum!!!!
Sometimes - well a lot of the time they will just push and push to the point you do shout because you feel a brick wall would do what you ask better lol. Just have a chat to her I'm sure she will understand why you shouted an what she did wrong when you sit down wit her

Hope your okay. Your a normal parent- if you didn't loose your shit after your buttons being pressed so much an then NEARLY an awful outcome- id then be worried ! Xx

Sometimes children need to know ,,,"that is enough !"You have crossed the line .
I'd not worry too much , Parenting isn't about you feeling comfortable all the time. . You did the right thing