Strange and/or stupid theories about children's shows

[MySqueeHasBeenSeverelyHarshed]

I recently started up a podcast with a friend of mine discussing bizarre theories about various media, we'd been doing it for a while as a live panel at certain community events and figured we'd branch out so we could do it more often. We have a lot of theories already but what I'd really like to do is at least one toddler TV special. I've had to watch a lot of Cbeebies and Nick Junior over the years and came up with the theories out of boredom. These are the ones I'm working with right now:

*In the Night Garden is a vision of hell with Iggle Piggle et al being eternally punished for their sins

*Captain Hook in Jake and the Neverland Pirates is a victim of severe brain injury and his place on the island is actually a health retreat built to help him recover

*Lazytown takes place after a nuclear winter, Robbie Rotten was actually trying to keep everyone safe from deadly fallout

*The mutant cars in Blaze and the Monster Machines enslaved and killed off humanity, they let AJ and Gabby survive because Gabby has useful skills and Blaze needs a support human in order to move

*The Fat Controller is a mobster and the island of Sodor is a complex money-laundering operation

Is there any shows I should add to the list? I've heard theories about Bing but haven't workshopped that much yet, and the kids I was minding are older now so I don't know what the toddlers are watching as much right now (besides Paw Patrol, I need a theory for that but I find it so boring I can't even come up with anything good.)

What awful stuff does your toddler make you watch over and over?

Fireman Sam is Norman's father.

They are the only two with red hair in the village of Pontypandy.

Dilys Price is always throwing herself at men but Sam is the one she really wants.

She is much older than him, I think it must have happened one night after he did a talk on fire safety, he was new to the village and Dilys took off the headscarf and pounced.

Sam allows Norman away with everything because he feels guilt about the whole thing.

The older version of the programme was way better, when a man did all the voices. All this was obvious!

Watching peter rabbit at present with ds and dh.

We’ve established that PR is actually a nightmare rabbit. Causing havoc for the other animals. He’s a thief. And abuses poor mr Todd (walks with a cane - disables...)

The Rugrats one gets worse, btw...

“Well, it seems like Angelica has a pretty dark history herself. According to this theory, that doll Angelica is always carrying around — you know, the ratty looking one with the blond hair sticking out? Supposedly, this doll reminds her of her biological mother, who was a drug addict, and is dead. Charlotte, on the other hand, her step-mother, is the opposite of her dead mother, and is overly focused on her career. Though perhaps more functional, Charlotte never gives Angelica much love or attention, so Angelica feels lonely and like she has to make up her friends to have fun — and perhaps, have people to exert some control over.”

I think the dark theories are sort of a natural extension of the unnatural level of cheer in these programs, and the way your mind wanders when you're watching something that's so incredibly boring. Sort of the same reason why people gravitate to horror films, there's a real pull towards the dark side that can be really cathartic.

We just got listed on itunes and TuneIn now as well as spotify, our next episodes are going to be our Christmas episodes and then I'd like to do the first of the toddler tv episodes. I'll have to give a shoutout to Mumsnetters for the help!

I also remembered I had a long theory about Balamory back when the toddler I was looking after watched that non-stop, but nobody really seems to remember it now so I'm not sure if I should include it.

Bing is set in hell

I once read on here that Bing is the story of Henry the 8th for toddlers, it was around the same time as the Wolf Hall TV adaptation was on BBC. Flop is Cromwell and Bing is Henry. That's why Bing is a but of a knob and Flop follows him around cleaning up his messes.

I couldn't watch Balamory after I saw the actress who played one of the women in the shop (Suzy Sweet?) doing something unspeakable in an Irvine Welsh tv adaptation.

Still, it gave us Miles Jupp.

Paw Patrol is set in a post-apocalyptic world - the environment was undamaged, but about a third to half the population were wiped out (an epidemic of some kind). This is why Ryder and Katie don’t have parents, and Alex lives with his grandfather. The pups and the Lookout were the part of a government genetics experiment, and were let loose during the epidemic, and ended up being adopted by an orphaned Ryder. Mayor Humdinger is suffering from PTSD after the events of the epidemic, so she lets Ryder be in charge of the rescue services even though he’s a child. Adventure Bay is an very strange place, but there’s no outside interference in the life of the town as the country is still recovering and there’s no real federal government. So whatever Mayor Humdinger says, goes, no matter how strange it is.

@Venger, it’s because Mark Rylance played Thomas Cromwell in the BBC Wolf Hall, and is the voice of Flop.

I must admit that Derek Jacobi remains a combination of Claudius and Hamlet for me, which is why his voice makes me read ITNG as full of hidden horrors.

I love your Fat Controller theory, OP .

I was coming here to post about the Fireman Sam one. I first saw it on a thread on here, which also posited that Station Officer Steele was actually Elvis’s dad, which is why he talks down to him, but never fires him despite him being as thick as mince.

There’s also a theory about The a Tiger Who Came to Tea where Sophie’s parents are alcoholics, and she invents the tiger to explain their erratic and dysfunctional behaviour.

I know @potterywheel, he was brilliant in Wolf Hall and now when I read the books I can't help but hear his voice in my head. Someone drew black robes onto a picture of Flop and posted it onto the thread.

I thought he was completely miscast — TC is such a bruiser, physically — but managed to pull it off, nonetheless!

I have a half-baked theory about Mr Tumble. Many years ago a commune was set up in an isolated old estate. It quickly turned cultish & the leader declared that only he could father all children. His surname was Tumble, hence why everyone is Tumble.

They're all known by their roles, as assigned by Leader Tumble. Grandad Tumble is his eldest & was assigned a sort of pastoral role. Lord Tumble was the favourite & his designated heir. The women were given names but all called "Aunt."

On his deathbed, Leader Tumble told them all that Lord Tumble was to be their temporary leader but that he'd reincarnate himself in the first boy born to Lord Tumble. That boy was to be taken care of & respected as Mr Tumble until such a time as he was ready to resume his role as Leader Tumble. Lord Tumble chose his half-sister Aunt Polly to bear his child, mostly because pretty much everyone else left when Leader Tumble died. They await Mr Tumble's revelation of his true self, & can't understand why he's still behaving like he's about 3.

The Fat Controller is a mobster and the island of Sodor is a complex money-laundering operation

That explains the poor train who got bricked up alive in a tunnel. Obviously hadn't paid his share of the cut.

We used to call the remote control the fat controller when we were kids.

northernstars you beat me to it!

Has everyone seen the “How Thomas the Tank Engine characters voted in the EU referendum” tweet yet? It’s brilliant.
mobile.twitter.com/SoozUK/status/1196063125570805761

@Mrsfrumble
A while back I had two tiger who came to tea theories.

1 was that Sophie’s Mummy was boffing some guy and Sophie found out but blocked it out and invented the tiger.

The other was that Sophie’s And her mummy were high on lsd and hallucinated the whole thing

Allegedly though, the tiger is a representation of a nazi soldier. Judith Kerr I believe was a little girl during the war and iirc was Jewish. She left Germany in the 1930’s

I don’t think it’s possible to make Adventure Time weirder, considering it actually is set after a nuclear holocaust.

Anyone noticed in Postman Pat that Dr. Gilbertson has no visible/ mentioned partner, PC Selby has no visible/ mentioned partner and they always seem very cozy, hmm?
In the latter series of PP, where is Miss Hubbard? Why isn't PC Selby investigating her disappearance? The reverend never mentions her ever, though she was always at the church doing the flowers. Dark goings on there, but no one is talking about it. Hmm again

Spongebob Squarepants was set in the sea below the Bikini Atoll (hence Bikini Bottom) where early testing of nuclear weapons was carried out, resulting in the weirdness of the characters.

I give you the sexual exploits of balamory!

deeplyflawedbuttrying.wordpress.com/2009/08/28/the-sexual-dynamics-of-balamory/

Can we all just appreciate how excellently portrayed the 'through gritted teeth' tension between nanny plum and the wise old elf is on Ben and Holly's little Kingdom?