Do your teens/pre teens have direct contact with Grandparents?

[LetsMakeAPlan]

Just had a conversation with my DM that her and DF are disappointed that my DC’s (11 and 13) do not contact them or message them directly.

They do not contact my DC’s and it has never really occurred to me to encourage DC’s to.

They see them sporadically. Very much one way in that we usually always visit them. They are both retired. Live about 30 minutes drive away. Both very active but rarely choose to visit us.

My dcs use wechat to contact my mum and my ds also phones her as he lives back in the UK. My pils don't have wechat - have asked them to get is as most social media is blocked in China - but they haven't so dd does not contact them independently.
my dcs are 19 and 13.

Yes. My older two have walked round/visited my parents since they were around 12. They're late teens now and take the younger two with them occasionally

Yes, they do with my parents. They're very close to them as they helped out a lot when they were younger. They regularly text my Mum (Dad doesn't do text!)

DD has regular contact with her Great Grandad as we both go to visit him. Both sets of Grandparents live abroad so she only sees them once or twice a year. But she speaks to them on the phone or by text and sends them cards etc

I never did as a teen/pre-teen. My parents ensured that I wrote thank you cards for birthday/christmas presents, and I would obviously interact with them when I DID see them, but that wasn't that regularly. All three lived around 200 miles from me so seeing them only happened when the adults arranged it.

I was quite happy as a pre-teen to stay with them if necessary (Nan came to babysit when I was about 10, can't remember what parents had to do - I also stayed with other set for a few days with my brother when I was maybe 12).

Sometimes I spoke to them on the phone if they called to wish me happy birthday. I'm now 25 and I don't think I've ever called them. I do however now (in the last few years) regularly write to both living grandparents - I'd have been more likely to visit/call the one living 300miles away at this age, except she has developed Alzheimers and I wouldn't be comfortable visiting alone. She doesn't know who I am.

I visited my other grandparent last winter as I was in Edinburgh (he moved to Scotland) but needed a cousin to make the trip doable as I don't have a car!

I think if we'd lived physically closer I would have had a closer relationship with them yes, but even as a generally kind and inclusive pre-teen/teen I was pretty selfish and didn't really think about talking to them more!

Your kids obviously can't visit grandparents under their own steam and I'd personally think if your parents wanted more contact they should initiate it by suggesting to drive over and take them somewhere/go shopping/take them Christmas shopping for you guys etc.

Thanks for the replies. To those whose DC to initiate contact with their GP’s, is it a 2 way thing? DP’s have never once messaged DC’s to ask about anything but expect DC’s to message them.

In my circle of friends, it doesn’t seem the norm. Usually contact is facilitated through DP’s.

Dd will very, very occasionally message them or FaceTime: although usually for a specific reason (eg to thank/ask for something!). Ds is a phone non-user, so pretty much never. Their grandparents will very occasionally contact them direct, but more likely via us: if they call I'd usually put the kids on to talk separately, but that's obviously different

If your dcs grandparents don't message them directly either I don't see how they can complain: suggest they start some chats and see if the dc pick up on them?

I wouldn't expect a teenager to instigate contact but similarly i would be upset if they ignored any messages sent.

My DD is pre-teen and she will text her Grandma. My Mam often texts her though too, just to say hi or send a cute animal pic or whatever.
We live only minutes away from them and see them almost daily.

Her other Gran lives 100 miles away and rarely sees her. DD only has a phone at 9 as exh bought her it to stay in touch with him and his family. DD did start off texting her Gran but she never replied or replied days later. She never initiated contact with DD so DD stopped contacting her.

It goes both ways.

I'd expect grandparents to initiate more of the contact except with an exceptionally socially skilled and thoughtful teenager. I do possibly know one of those, but they're a rare breed ;-)

Daily. DH's parents. They live about 10 mins drive away. I never had grandparents so I don't know what you are supposed to do with them.
Both my parents are dead. Before Mum died, Dd saw her maybe one a month. She lived about an hour away.

No - but they never contact him, and would never ask to speak to him on the phone either.

I never did at that age, but my grandparents lived overseas so I had to either ask permission to phone (expensive long distance calls) or pay airmail costs to send a letter.

They never contacted me independently either, though. All contact went through my parents.

Yes, DS has always made his own arrangements with them if he wants to go round for dinner or go out somewhere too. He's 19 now. He used to nip round after school because they lived near to it, and phone DH to collect him after work.

Dd is 13. My mum and her email sporadically. Both instigate it. We live too far away for independent visiting.

Neither set live locally. The DC text and email one set every so often - but that's because it's often initiated by them, and they always reply. Don't bother with the other set (who never initiate).

Yes my kids text and call my parents often

Ex il - no they don’t it wouldn’t occur to them to call or text them

My DD15 often talks to her grandma via text or whatsapp and they do things together fairly regularly (cinema etc). DS is less interested so doesn't contact them on a regular basis.

My teens email and facetime with my parents who are 3,000 miles away. I periodically send the children to see their grandparents too.

DH's mum would probably love to chat to the children but she's very busy and hard to pin down.

I had a wonderful relationship with my grandparents on my mum's side, so both me and my mum want to try to help my kids have a similar relationship with their grandparents.

I think it is beyond strange for grandparents to expect their grandchildren to message them when they have never contacted or messaged them. Just like it would be strange to be upset with anyone for not messaging them when they've never messaged either. Are they hard work in other ways?!

No independent contact by either DCs or grandparents. They do live v nearby but have always been very 'hands off' with their grandkids- they pop in for a cup of tea about once a fortnight and only babysat or had them over if I specifically asked them to and they had nothing else on!

So not much of a relationship there which probably explains the lack of independent contact! DC do WhatsApp and text their aunts and uncles though- probably because although they live further away they have a much closer relationship.

Thanks for all the replies. Seems to be the norm when GPs are already close to their DGC.

DPs like to pretend to the outside world they are close, but in reality aren’t. They rarely ask after them and any pictures etc I send them of DCs are not met with any level of enthusiasm.

I’m not going to encourage DC to initiate contact. I think it will be very much a one way street.

DS (20) is at uni and has frequent text conversations with my parents. They also go and take him out for lunch from time to time.DS (17) sees them once a week or more often of he's passing. They live about 3 miles from us.

yes will face time and text - my mum helps with childcare over night every 3 weeks at my house so they have one on one time

my mum irritates the sh@t out of me, but she is a far better gran than she was a mum, so i have developed a better relationship with her (really hard work though)

My eldest does, my youngest doesn't have a phone.

My niece does.

And, yes - my parents are excellent grandparents and have spent a lot of time with my two. It occurred to me just the other day that the price they will pay will, ultimately, be heartbreak. Yes, I had a rare chance to get lost in my thoughts and that is where it took me.