I miss my mum :(

[BlobbyTheLump]

Having a bit of a wobble.

It's coming up to the 2nd Christmas without my beautiful mum and I'm so angry, yet so sad at the same time.
She loved Christmas. Last year was an absolute blow out, she'd only died 2 months before and the family were lost (completely unexpected, fine one day, dead the next.)
This year we're spending Christmas with PILs, who are amazing, but it still doesn't feel right.

I have to put on a strong face for DD, but I'm so cross and so upset at everything my mum is going to miss.
From things like DDs first day at school, to her first nativity and big things like me getting married.
It breaks my heart when I realise how much I've got to live without her
Does it get easier? It's been a year and still no difference, it's raw and red and angry.

I just want my mum

I've had a bad day today, the only thing I want is a cuddle from my mum.
Absolutely nothing can match it, and I hate that feeling.

It's like a huge gaping hole.

I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say to make it better but I am thinking of you.

I love and rely on my mum very much and would be lost too. Can you do some nice things to remember her? Are there people you can talk to about her and their memories of her?

Hi! Didn’t want to read and run. I can only offer a virtual heartfelt hug and the hope that you will get through this again. Sorry.

It my third without my mum. She was killed in a car accident aged 69 three months before Christmas 2016, so yes, here one minute and then gone. My dad died years ago aged 54. Never saw me married, never saw his grandchildren. I'm angry too so I know exactly how you feeling.
It doesn't really get any easier. I just find myself getting more resentful and irritated with PIL who dont know how lucky they are

Having this moved to bereavement may help attract people who have experienced the same.

Sorry, OP. I worry about the day my mum will go and can only imagine how heartbreaking it is xx

It does get easier.

I’ve found that you don’t get over it but you learn to live with it. It’s hard to think about what I have lost or what could have been but I cherish certain memories and I’m grateful that although it was a terrible shock my parents didn’t suffer long lingering illness.

It’s still early days for you I think x

No advice I’m afraid, but really feel for you. I hope you can find some peace and your pain eases in time.

Yes it does become easier . If she enjoyed Christmas you have an incentive to do exactly the same .
Remember that your Mum in her turn lost those close to her - how did she cope with those losses ?
You say you have amazing parents in law . Neither of them can ever be your own flesh and blood but they’ll do the best that they can to give you and your DD the best time humanly possible .

im so sorry op, its horrible, isnt it. i bet she was v proud of you and dd.

no words x

Blooby it's the first without my mum ,and the pain is unbelievable.I have my two kids who give me a purpose but bloody hell it's hard .I also swing between extreme anger and heartbreak, I am sorry I have no words of wisdom but I get how you feel I completely do ,your not alone.

I’m so sorry OP. I lost my mum as a child, Christmas can be so hard.

Celebrate it as you always have. Keep up any traditions you had with her and restart them with your DD. Make a toast to her. I have a special decoration that I essentially see as mum on the tree.

I hate saying that it does get easier, because that’s a weird way to put it. The ability to cope increases I guess is how I think of it. I still cry for her though sometimes. Have you got someone to lean on and chat to about her?

My heart goes out to you xx

I wish I had helpful words to make you feel better but I don't. And I feel the exact same way as you. Second Christmas without my mum and everyone tells you "the first is the worst" - yeah it was pretty awful but what I hate so so much now is that everyone's forgotten and don't seem to think you should be upset second time round! It's horrendous. I'm on my own so don't have to do a brave face but apart from that I know how you feel ❤️

I'm so sorry OP. This will be my sixth Christmas without my dad (very sudden cardiac death) and its completely shit but it doesn't feel as raw now.

First Christmas without my mum for me. I wish I could feel angry, I feel blank.

I feel for you, my mum died 25 years ago and I still miss her. I allowed myself a few tears at Christmas and on her birthday.

In the same rubbish boat, op.

I lost my dad over christmas many years ago. It is absolutely shit...some years are not as bad as others but every xmas feels that there is a big gaping hole...i will say that you will always miss your mum but that overwelming sadness that you feel will ease. You will be able to think of your mum and smile without triggering those inconsolable sobs. Its very early but you will get past the anger,its totally normal and all part of the grieving process. Nothing replaces a hug but hear the words your mum would say to you and that will help get you through. Im sorry for your loss

It's so hard. I lost my mum 2yrs ago, she had dementia so we really lost her years before she died. I had Dd2 4yrs ago and my mum loved visits from her, but didn't have any idea she was her granddaughter.
Christmas is always hard. Take Care.

I lost my lovely parents within 8 months of each other in 2011 and 2012. I miss them so much.
I miss hearing their voices, I miss the daft faces my mum used to pull at me, I miss the awesome cuddles my dad used to give - no other cuddles match up to them, even DH's. I don't feel like I'll ever get over them not being here, and I do sometimes get angry too, especially when I see my grown up DD's getting upset because they miss them too - BUT I believe one day I'll see them again and that gives me great comfort. Still doesn't stop me wishing they were still here and missing them, along with my lovely grandparents too. I've recently been thinking a lot about Christmases when I was young, and how full of family time they were, and I miss those days. I even miss not knowing what to buy them both for pressies and get jealous when I see people buying 'mum and dad' cards for Christmas. So OP, I understand exactly where you're coming from, but try and remember all the good times, the happy memories that make you smile. And most of all, be grateful you had her all those years - she was YOUR lovely mum, and no one can take that away from you ❤️

No wonder you miss your mum she sounds great and it is sad she will miss out on seeing your dd grow up. All I can say is that her legacy lives on in you being a great mum to your dd helped by the things she taught you and her example.

My mum died 6 years ago.
I miss her every day.
We went mad the first year, tried to out run it but over doing everything to try and compensate. Second year we were just worn out/down (and we'd had further bereavements). We should have been kinder to ourselves - and the best advice I can give you, be kind to yourself

There's nobody like our mums, and it's so hard to lose them. I would say it does get easier with time - and the memories become a comfort rather than feeling overwhelmingly sad. My mum's birthday is Christmas day, so we always light a candle for her. This year I have the joy of my beautiful new grandson, a gift from my precious daughter and son-in-law. My mum said to me as she was dying that she'd always be with me and I believe that, as we were so close. I know she would be so happy for me now living near my daughter so I can see lots of the baby. I hope it gets easier for you in time. The early years are so hard. Do find some time for yourself to immerse yourself in things you love doing and to relax.

Oh op, it’s really shit isn’t it. I lost my mum sixteen years ago. Reading this has reopened the wound that never heals, and here I am with a tear rolling down my cheek. You do learn to live with it, but that pain doesn’t lessen I don’t think. You just wrap it up and tuck it away in a special place.

For the first few Christmases I just fucked off to Spain with DF and DB and avoided it all completely. It was years before I felt I could actually join in with anything Christmassy again - it took having kids really. You’ve got kids so you can’t avoid it, so you’ve just got to get through it somehow. But you will. Because she would want you to.

You never get over losing your mum, but you do learn to live without her. DM died in a car accident 20 years ago. Some days, the wound is totally raw and all I want to do is weep. As others have said, it is still quite new for you. It will get better.