I miss my mum :(

[BlobbyTheLump]

Having a bit of a wobble.

It's coming up to the 2nd Christmas without my beautiful mum and I'm so angry, yet so sad at the same time.
She loved Christmas. Last year was an absolute blow out, she'd only died 2 months before and the family were lost (completely unexpected, fine one day, dead the next.)
This year we're spending Christmas with PILs, who are amazing, but it still doesn't feel right.

I have to put on a strong face for DD, but I'm so cross and so upset at everything my mum is going to miss.
From things like DDs first day at school, to her first nativity and big things like me getting married.
It breaks my heart when I realise how much I've got to live without her
Does it get easier? It's been a year and still no difference, it's raw and red and angry.

I just want my mum

for you OP

I am so sorry you are going through this OP

It’s clear from your post that your mum was an amazing lady who you had many happy times with. I hope that what I’m about to say comes across the right way. I’ve recently gone NC with my mum as she has been abusive to me my whole life and I’ve finally had the courage to step away. The only reason I didn’t do that sooner is because I had this hope in my heart that one day she would love me. I really wanted that more than anything, I wanted so so badly to feel loved. My mum hasn’t died so I don’t grieve for her in that sense, but I grieve for the fact I never felt the love of my mother, that is something that I’ve had to accept that I’ll never be able to experience.

Your mum clearly loved you enormously and brought a huge amount of happiness into your life which compounds the feeling of grief that you now have to live without her. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to lose the person who has brought you into this world and cared for you through all of life’s ups and downs. Please always remember, that love that your mum gave you is something you carry with you every single day and for that reason, you’ll never really be without her.

Thank you all for your lovely words. I've had a sob and a mope, gave myself a headache from crying so much. Must say I do feel a bit better now
Sorry I didn't reply sooner.

I am so sorry to hear of all those in the same shitty boat as me. It's shit. Absolutely awful.

I try my hardest to remember my mum with happy thoughts, but the words sort of get stuck in my throat when I try to bring her up. I've been such a mess today that the word mum has made me cry.
We got our Christmas decorations down from the loft and I forgot (since we didn't have them out last year) just how many were presents from my mum, which I think is what started me off.

I need to try and turn it so that Christmas can be a time full of fun and happiness and remembrance but, right now, it's just not happening.

To the lovely poster who said about the first is the worst, you're completely right!
I didn't feel anything for the first, I barely registered the day.
This year I have to do Christmas and it sucks.

I send all my love to anyone suffering the same pain

@Okayokay1 I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I completely understand what you're saying and am extremely grateful for having my mum whilst I did.
I hope you can find peace with yourself, you deserve it

My Mum died unexpectedly at Christmas 7 years ago
It does get easier, but it takes a while. Took me about two years to feel anywhere near normal and able to talk about her without crying buckets.

I feel you op. My mom died a year ago last Monday and I thought I was over the worst of it but getting the Christmas decorations down, especially family ones we had griwing up or ones she had bought me just made it all so real again . It's hard but I know my mom would hate to think she had ruined Christmas for and would me to carry on with life, as I am sure yours would.

We had the same thing, OP. Wonderful mum there one day, gone the next, just before Christmas. It’s so hard, and I feel for you and your family so much .

It takes a long time to start to heal. My DM loved Christmas and made it so special. It took me a few years before I could even really watch Christmas adverts on the tv without feeling sad and angry and bitter, even though I knew it was the last thing she’d have wanted.

But it does get easier and you do get used to it, even though in some respects you sort of don’t want to, because it means she feels further away. There will always be a gap and you will always feel it, but it won’t always be quite so raw.

One good thing about Christmas is that you might get the opportunity to spend it with other family members who loved her too, and there might be some comfort in that for you.

big hugs OP - it's really hard . I miss my mum too every day . Your relationship with your mum sounds lovely and I bet she was really proud of you . I do little things to remember my mum at Christmas like I buy a little gift from her to me , and always light a candle for her somewhere. She will always be with you in your actions and thoughts .

It is shit
I lost my my mum,dad and brother in just over 2 years
that was 16 years ago and Christmas and birthdays always make me sad
I feel sad for the family my children have lost
My 3 youngest never got to meet my side of the family

Yep, it’s really shit. This is my second Christmas without my mum, although she was very ill in hospital for Christmas 2017 (which was a miserable experience for all of us, but especially her).

It just feels rather empty. I’m not that bothered about Christmas itself - I don’t have kids - so it can feel a bit forced. But we’re going away this year to somewhere we all (mum included) loved.

Last year we spent it with Mum’s side of the family but she didn’t even get a mention, we didn’t raise a glass or anything. I think everyone was worried that it might be upsetting but it felt like the elephant in the room. We will definitely be toasting her this year.

Lots of love to you all.