21 year old and a 14 year old

[Dislocatedeyeballs]

Can a 21 year old have a 14 year old girlfriend or is it always abuse/grooming?

Really?

Asking because u was the 14 year old

I was 14 year old sorry

It's always abuse. Hope you're ok

Yeah that’s not appropriate . I hope you’re ok ?

Oh dear... 14 and 17 maybe...maybe. But 21 and 14 - grooming. Plain and simple.

Definitely abuse

I'm fine thank you but never saw it that way but now I would be and am horrified by it and think about it but my friend was a year younger than me and ended up marrying His friend happily married 2 kids so I'm confused

14 is a child. 21 is a man. Completely inappropriate.

It's totally inappropriate and definitely grooming. When I was at high school in the late 90s/early 2000s several girls around 14/15 had boyfriends in their late teens of early 20s, no one seemed to bat a eye at it, both parents and teachers knew and it just didn't seem to be a issue.

I don't think men would get away with it so easily nowadays though, well I hope they wouldn't!

I think it would definitely be an issue through 21st century eyes. But 20 or 30 years ago, not so much.

Criminal and morally wrong whatever the circumstances.

14 and 17 maybe...maybe, but 14 and 21-grooming, plain and simple.

I’d also say 17 and 14 was grooming.
Well any sexual activity would illegal for a start.

, op. I’m so sorry but Yes this was grooming. We’re all here for you.

In safeguarding we consider any more than 2 school years abusive.

Eg 13 and 16 abuse - sex with a 13yr old is statuary rape

14 and 15.5 - ok but borderline

15 and 17 - ground for enquiring

Etc

thank you

At 14 there is still so much development to do.
A fully manipulatable, mouldable, impressionable victim for an older male.

I'm slightly relieved that someone mentioned upthread that it was more normal back in the day, because it was all too common and it was less frowned upon.
I'm more relieved that it seen as creepy as fuck now though.

But 20 or 30 years ago, not so much.

I'm not sure, I met my ex 34 years ago. I was 18 and he was 23 and everyone was telling me he was far too old for me, my mum and dad were not happy at all. It was only 5 years and I was an adult. No way would it have been acceptable where I lived (if that makes a difference?) for a 14 year old kid to be with a 21 year old.

Entirely wrong. What 21 year old in their right mind would consider a 14 year old? You were barely into your teens!

All wrong op, hope you are getting any support you need.

To poster who mentioned it, There is no such thing as statutory rape in the U.K.

It’s awful, I too had massive age gaps when I was younger.
I had no idea how creepy these men were until years later.
At 15 I was dating men in their mid twenties

I agree about the 1990's all the girls including me dated guys 18-20 and we were only 14. It just seemed normal then. Clearly not acceptable nowadays though.

I was that girl. At the time I would have said it was all fine. Up until I was about 25. By 35 iv realised it was wrong and has left me a bit screwed up. Maybe as my daughter's now that age it hits home. As you go thru life you change your views on things, the blinkers come off and you learn to spot the bullshit you would have swallowed.

Now you mention it I had a boyfriend of 23 when I was 15...

It was very short lived and I wasn't that keen on him once we started dating. DF wasn't impressed.

Looking back now, WTF was I thinking?