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Original poster

Do you have many friends?

61 replies

ChocolateTea · 22/11/2019 22:17

Sitting here feeling Christmassy. Really fancy a day out, shopping, nattering, cinema. Happy to do these things alone, but actually made me realise, I don't have any female friends to suggest this to.

I have a partner. I have work colleagues I get on well with. I have a couple of close male friends. I have groups of old school mates I occasionally have lunch with. But flicking through my phone I realised, I don't actually have any girlfriends.

I walked away from a toxic group a few years ago, and guess I never replaced them. I had a couple of close friends in my 20s, but we grew apart. My closest friend for 10 years once kids and work etc happened in my early thirties, we drifted too.

So now I've made myself blue, thinking I want a nice day out but have no one to go with.

Anyone else just not have that close friend in their life?

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 22/11/2019 22:22

Same here. I have lots of nice people in my life and a partner but close female friends? Nope. I never really have though apart from a lovely group I used to work with. We still meet up once a year or so Confused I am Wilhelmina Nomates

SleepwalkingThroughLife · 22/11/2019 22:27

None. I have people I know, and like very much, but neither they nor I would think ourselves close enough to suggest that kind of day.

spacepyramid · 22/11/2019 22:29

None that would want to do that, I'd go on my own and make the most of the me time.

Original poster
ChocolateTea · 22/11/2019 22:38

See I love me time. And I often do stuff like theatre or shopping on my own happily. But I just fancy company. And scrolled through my phone to find none I felt close enough to suggest it.

I have a male friend I'm out with this weekend, so might suggest to him. But otherwise I think I'm a bit of a no mates too

I've tried. Joined team sports. Met parents at sons schools. But just nothing developed.

I'm the first to admit I'm a pain in the neck mind!

OP posts:
Moomin8 · 22/11/2019 22:42

I'm autistic and therefore don't have many friends. I like people but I find their company draining which is a paradox of being autistic.

Original poster
ChocolateTea · 22/11/2019 22:48

Moomin I have aspergers, which I think is a contributing factor for me too. Flowers

OP posts:
VanyaHargreeves · 22/11/2019 22:50

I have a handful

My relationship with my best friend has fully capsized and is in this horrible weird unspoken place were we both know it's dead and neither wants to be the one to be responsible for making that final.

In total I have about 10 proper friends, 2 are abroad, 6 are couples (one the aforementioned friend) and in one other case I can't actually bear the DH though he is officially my friend. The 9th is weird, officially, we are still friends and haven't fallen out but she makes little effort and I feel like she has relegated me to acquaintance level. The 10th has quite serious mental health issues and is currently in hospital, but is oddly my most reliable and supportive friend these days. Of these 10, none are local and only the 9th will be local when I move in the New Year

It's tough, I definitely feel like I have no-one to call upon when I fancy a night out, or just want to talk to someone.

BlushFlowers

Original poster
ChocolateTea · 22/11/2019 22:53

Vanya, you sound similar to me in many ways. I have lots of friends in my phone, ones who live further afield, but just none I can call for a night out or impromptu coffee

Sorry to hear your friendship has imploded too x

OP posts:
GenuineKlatchianPottery · 22/11/2019 22:55

I have a couple of acquaintances and former work colleagues. But no friends. I’ve become more and more cynical as I’ve got older.
Luckily my DDs both think I’m a decent person and they’re the only ones whose opinions matter to me now.
Oh, and the cat finds me tolerable Smile

VanyaHargreeves · 22/11/2019 22:57

@ChocolateTea

Yes - all my conversations with friends and my sister, also abroad are What's App. No one is actually THERE.

In many ways due to being both single and childless - I feel like I've been left behind because I don't fit in anymore and I'm late 30s and I feel a bit lost.

Original poster
ChocolateTea · 22/11/2019 22:57

Ha ha Genuine, I take a wee bit of pleasure in being the cats favourite person!

I love spending time with my two DS, and am lucky we get on so well, and my DP and I are very happy too, and I get on well with my mum. I just feel like there's a little thing missing. About the size of a 2 hour coffee or cinema trip a month kind of thing.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 22/11/2019 22:58

Yes, I have plenty of friends, but, in truth, I wouldn't ask any of them to come shopping with me.
I wouldn't want to go shopping with any of my friends either - shopping is a chore, for me.

Now, when thinking about 'company' for any activity, I would think of the friend that I know would like that activity.
SO I have different people that I might ask to go and watch a sporting event for me, from the friend I might ask to meet for lunch.

Original poster
ChocolateTea · 22/11/2019 22:59

Vanya, I'm aware I'm really fortunate to have my children and partner in my late thirties (I'm guessing we are similar ages)

Sometimes I like the phone style friends, always there at my own convenience.but sometimes it just feels a bit, like something is missing.

Do you have clubs etc you go to?

OP posts:
Gallivespian · 22/11/2019 23:00

Why can’t you do this with our old school friend groups or your close male friends? Personally, I find shopping a tiresome chore, but I had a lovely day out with a male friend recently, bookstore browsing, lunch, a cinema double bill, early cocktails.

Original poster
ChocolateTea · 22/11/2019 23:01

BackforGood, I like that you have different friends for different activities :-) I'm not a huge shopper, but do love a christmas market

I guess my life is filled with work, sport, partner, kids. There isn't much room for a lot of other people I guess. And in your late thirties, well people seem to have solid friendships of 20 years plus you either join in the sidelines of, or can't get involved with

OP posts:
onemorecakeplease · 22/11/2019 23:02

I have a couple of friends and lots of lovely work colleagues but I'm not close enough to any of them to suggest a day out.

My other two friends are busy like me and we never get any child free time to go out so we tend to hang out at each others houses.

So it would have to be dm or dmil/dsil for me which is fine

VanyaHargreeves · 22/11/2019 23:04

When I move, one of the reasons I'm moving is because I moved rurally a few years ago and it was a massive mistake.

Original poster
ChocolateTea · 22/11/2019 23:04

Gallivespian I am just not that close to the old school friends for a 1 on 1 thing I don't think. They all kept in touch between 16 and 25. I didn't, so there's a chunk of time I wasn't around, and rightly they formed stronger bonds. I see them all around 5 times a year in a group environment and love that, but now at 37 I'm definitely the outsider

I'm going to ask the male friend Sunday if he fancies it. He's a bit of a shopper. He's not that close distance wise, but we could try and find somewhere in the middle of us if he's free.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChocolateTea · 22/11/2019 23:07

Onemorecake I don't live near my sisters, and we aren't close. I get on with my SIL and a few months ago maybe would have thought of one in particular, but circumstances for both of them don't work right now. I love that you have family you count as friends ❤️

I have thought of my cousin though. We get on well. Though she works in retail and I work in a school so I should imagine our free time clashes!

OP posts:
MotherOfLittlePeople · 22/11/2019 23:11

I have 2 friends. But that is all apart from my partner. One I see on the school run and one I speak to every day almost but never actually see.

Cornishmum00 · 22/11/2019 23:11

I used to have quite a few friends but over the years we have drifted apart as dc got older and no longer wanted to do things as families. Now meet up couple times a year for lunch but not the regular texts and nights out we used to do, sometimes feels a bit lonely and im looking for new hobbies to hopefully meet new people

dontlickthelamp · 22/11/2019 23:13

I have one, my neighbour. And that’s it

rededucator · 22/11/2019 23:14

No

Hinchunup · 22/11/2019 23:27

Used to have loads of friends, but have drifted over the years. Have some from many years ago I still have a connection with but we just don't really keep in touch. Hope this will change as our kids up and off. As I get older I have less of an appetite for friendships. Let a few go over time due to toxic dynamic too. Enjoy meeting new people tho, but not fir lasting friendship.. Think I'm getting old.

Whatsmyageagain0 · 22/11/2019 23:34

i hear you.

I had kids young and my friends didn’t so I lost touch with them all.

14 years past and I find myself in your position.

I recently tried to get an old friendship group of four of us back together. We got a WhatsApp group going but when it came to arranging a meet up it was ridiculous.
Like it can only do Mondays and Wednesdays’ ‘oh well I can only do Tuesdays and Fridays’ type shit 🙄