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Original poster

Birthday party pass-the-parcel etiquette!

59 replies

Emeeno1 · 21/11/2019 17:05

We are holding a birthday party for our four year old and would like to play pass-the-parcel. I bought a present today that our son would love and was going to let him 'win' it at pass-the-parcel but it has since occurred to me that the other parents might think this is bad manners (letting our son win)? Should one of the other children win? Should it be 'blind'? We were going to put chocolate coins in each unwrap so nobody feels left out. What do you think?

OP posts:

Cornishmum00 · 21/11/2019 18:30

Sounds like a big gift for pass the parcel, we usually did colouring book and pens type gift

Artesia · 21/11/2019 18:33

Agree with PP- it’s really mean not to get gifts for a child just because their birthday is near Christmas. The two should be totally separate. Not sure if OP’s son has siblings, but it could set up real I’ll feeling of a sibling with a spring/summer/autumn birthday gets gifts and the one with a Christmas birthday doesn’t. One of mine has a birthday in Christmas week. I always feel as though I am over buying for him in the run up, but I always put the gifts out, look at them, and think “is this what I would get if their birthday was in May?” Rather than “they don’t need much as it’s nearly Christmas.

OctoberLovers · 21/11/2019 18:36

Give him the gift as his birthday present...

Not the pass the parcel present, imagine if you some how got it mixed up and the child next to him won it i stead, What would you do then?

Just do layers of chocolate and every child wins, no bigger prize. Then rig it to every child wins, simple....

Is the fact he doesnt get much presents because of Christmas being close, down to money? Thats a little sad.
Can you not save throughout the tear even 1 or 2 pounds a week would get him some nice things next year

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Elbeagle · 21/11/2019 18:39

Agree with the PP who said to give him the one you’ve bought as a birthday present then buy something smaller/cheaper as a pass the parcel gift. I have a 6 and a 4 year old, have been to probably 40 kids parties over the past few years and all the pass the parcel gifts have been something like a colouring book/back of crayons etc.

EsselGruntFuttock · 21/11/2019 18:40

Why don’t you just give him the present for his birthday? As for pass the parcel of course you can’t let your child win FFS.

PanemEtCircenses · 21/11/2019 18:46

His only gift from you as pass the parcel would be bizarre. Aside from the etiquette, making sure your child gets it could go wrong. I’ve stopped it on a child before now without noticing that the next child had leaned over and had their hands around the parcel. What would you do, run over shouting “no that was for DS!” And having all other 4 year olds get only a sweet and then have to watch your DS open a set of Playmobile - the disappointment!

The rule with pass the parcel main gift is that it needs to be shit enough that no-one else cries with envy.

Celebelly · 21/11/2019 18:50

We had this thread recently and overwhelming consensus was that birthday child does not win pass the parcel!

wheresmyhairytoe · 21/11/2019 18:59

Would you buy him birthday presents if it was in June? Seems mean to not just because it's near Christmas.

And no, the birthday child shouldn't win.

duckling84 · 21/11/2019 19:00

I've always done it blind, so there is a possibility of birthday child getting it, but I dont think they ever have. Definitely would not rig for them to win, definitely wrong. Oh and all middle presents I've seen have always come from poundland. You do not but expensive gifts for pass the parcel. Just give it to him as a present anyway.
Fwiw, my ds has a birthday very very close to Christmas and we would never not get him as much as his siblings just because his birthday is close. They are 2 totally separate celebrations and should always be treated as such

HavelockVetinari · 21/11/2019 19:02

it is his only present as we do not buy him a lot for his birthday because it is so near to Christmas, his present is the party

Bloody hell, how mean are you?! Poor kid

MarthasGinYard · 21/11/2019 19:03

Good one Op

NerrSnerr · 21/11/2019 19:03

I agree with the others. Give him the gift for his birthday and a smaller prize for pass the parcel (and something between each layer like sweets or a small toy).

I would also buy him the same amount of presents as you would if his birthday was any other time of year.

JassyRadlett · 21/11/2019 19:03

we do not buy him a lot for his birthday because it is so near to Christmas, his present is the party if you like.

As someone with a birthday near Christmas, I beg you not to do this. It’s shite, and lazy, and yes, the children do notice and resent it.

If his birthday was in July, would you say ‘the party is the present’?

blackteaplease · 21/11/2019 19:06

Blimey. You have it all wrong.
Birthday child does not win pass the parcel
The prize should be something small like a sticker book/colouring/big bag of sweets
Get your child a birthday present.

OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg · 21/11/2019 19:06

Why do people do this? Buy him what you would buy if his birthday wasn't so close to Christmas.

Exactly - otherwise you’re penalising him for the timing of your unprotected sex!

GreenTulips · 21/11/2019 19:10

It gets worse

amusedbush · 21/11/2019 19:16

Everyone I know with a birthday close to Christmas complains that people are really stingy, either buying them nothing, or a ‘joint’ birthday and Christmas gift, wrapping their birthday present in Christmas paper.

You can’t penalise the kid just because he was born close to Christmas.

And you definitely can’t rig pass the parcel so he wins!

BellyButton85 · 21/11/2019 19:17

I think it's terrible when parents 'don't give much' to their child for their birthday because it's 'close to Christmas'. It's bloody mean and stingy! Get them what you would have got them if their birthday was in the middle of the year. Everyone else thinks the same so they get less all round so for the parents to do it is terrible. Also a party is not their present!! Don't do a party if your going to be that bloody tight

SillyUnMurphy · 21/11/2019 19:21

I suppose you’re hoping the kids coming to the party will help ‘pad out’ the present situation too OP

coragreta · 21/11/2019 19:28

My daughters birthday is a week before Christmas and if anything she gets more gifts than normal as I don't want her to feel like her birthday is always overshadowed by Christmas.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 21/11/2019 19:28

DS1 had a primary classmate whose birthday was actual Christmas Day. His parents made the fantastic (imho) decision to do a garden party for his half-birthday every summer.

Elbeagle · 21/11/2019 19:31

DH’s birthday is the 22nd December... he’s still bitter that his parents never bought him much for his birthday as it was close to Christmas but his sister with a September birthday got loads.
In fact it still happens now... DH gets some cash for birthday/Christmas combined. His sister gets the same amount just for Christmas, then gifts on her birthday.

Clymene · 21/11/2019 19:33

As an adult whose birthday is within a week of Christmas, please do not stiff your child on birthday presents because of your poor conception planning.

I can promise you that he will be moaned at his entire life for having the audacity of having a birthday close to Christmas. It's absolutely horrible because there is nothing you can do about it. It was so horrible for me that I lied about when my birthday was when I left home.

You are his parents and the least you can do is make sure you're not part of that (but it seems like you already are)

Teachermaths · 21/11/2019 19:34

Would you still get him no presents if his birthday was in July?

You are so mean not getting him presents because it's close to Christmas. Give him the playmobil and get a small thing for pass the parcel (which he must NOT win).

Pitapotamus · 21/11/2019 19:34

Give it to him as his birthday present and buy a colouring book for pass the parcel. Then rig pass the parcel so your child doesn’t win. Job done. Play Mobil is way too pricey for a pass the parcel prize!

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