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Wwyd? child sport related

67 replies

Bunnybigears · 19/11/2019 17:52

DS2 aged 9 currently swims competitively and plays hockey and cricket for his city. His swimming coach wants to move him into a very competitive squad based around creating future Olympians. This would mean training 4 weekday evenings, 2 weekday mornings and a weekend morning. No holidays to be taken outside of the summer break which is just 4 weeks of August, 100% of sessions to be completed any sickness needs to be verified by a Dr. This would essentially mean it would be impossible to continue with cricket. Hockey we could just about manage to continue. DS wants to do it even if it means giving up cricket. DH thinks he is too young to commit so much to one sport plus the impact it will have on the whole family in terms of having to take him there and back, restricted to August holidays etc. I have no idea what to do for the best but feel DS could resent it in future if we dont let him at least try this new squad. WWYD?

OP posts:
carolinelucaseshandbag · 20/11/2019 09:39

How would you have time to continue with hockey with that swimming timetable??
My DH used to swim at a very high level, early mornings, weekends etc. He quit in his mid teens when he realised he wasn't going to be a champion. He then didn't swim again for a very very long timeSad

isitxmasyet · 20/11/2019 09:43

Is this coach paid per swim?

This is madness and you know it
Future Olympians are broken at 9 not made

If he is small and skinny now then it may ever happen no matter how much technical ability he has and hours of swimming at dawn each week won’t make him bigger.

Let him carry on with all his sports.
Find a new coach
If he is genuinely good then he will still be good in 2 or 3 years when his size will be more apparent and you won’t have burnt him out so early

My niece was a very talented swimmer and went down this route and at 13 was just not as good as they said she would be, had missed out on endless Saturday parties, sleepovers (can’t be tired for training), meals out (they start to bang on about nutrition so you can forget those maccy breakfasts) and ended up so down on sport that she became almost reclusive and sloth like.

It’s insane.
Is being in the national squad really worth sacrificing a childhood and family holidays for

And agree with the GP above. I’m one too and that comment is a blatant misuse of NhS services and says a fair bit about how the coach views his importance in the wider world.

isitxmasyet · 20/11/2019 09:45

I actually think that coach needs reporting
No missing a single session?

So your kid isn’t ever allowed to be tired or have a load of homework or another fun activity he might prefer

You think handing over your child to a person who thinks like that is a good idea?

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Trewser · 20/11/2019 09:50

Yes if what the OP says is true then the coach sounds like a maniac.

lightandairy56 · 20/11/2019 09:56

It's also worth asking what time the two early mornings and weekend morning start time is?

I have a friend who is up four times a week at 4am - including weekends - because the 9 year old has to be poolside at 4.45am!!!!!

luckily the child enjoys swimming - so wants to get up at 4am - but I know I couldn't do it.

And then at weekends they have galas to attend which are sometimes 6-8 hours away.

Your husband is correct in that it is all-consuming.

Trewser · 20/11/2019 09:59

I remember waking dd up for her first early morning session at 4.30am. She cried! We went, but I had to have a word with myself. She never did another early session.

weirdsmell · 20/11/2019 10:05

Run that past me again. If it means what I think it means ...
you can't simply ask a DC what they want unless you are prepared to grant that wish.
This is too big to delegate to a 9 year old. They need guiding, not asking.
They need parenting.

If you didn't understand the first post, or the subsequent clarification, it's unlikely that I will be able to help you understand but posting again. It really isn't difficult to know what I meant.

weirdsmell · 20/11/2019 10:06

*by posting again

worriedmumtoteen · 20/11/2019 10:24

Totally agree with @NotBadConsidering and @Elbowedout

AlexaShutUp · 20/11/2019 10:32

I think it's a difficult one.

Personally, I don't think I would be prepared to sacrifice my dd's childhood for something like this. I feel it's too intense, too much pressure, too soon. However, my dd has no particular sporting talent so the question has never really arisen.

My friend did face this kind of dilemma when her oldest dd was at primary school, but with gymnastics rather than swimming. She signed up to a very intense and gruelling training schedule, with similarly strict rules about holidays, time off etc. Weekends seemed to revolve around competitions and the like. The girl in question is now 17 and she does compete internationally with a fair amount of success, but she is not quite good enough to reach the very top ranks of the elite. Would she say now that it has all been worth it? Would her answer have been different if she had now been preparing for the Tokyo Olympics? I honestly don't know. However, I believe her younger sister has paid a significant price for her sister's success, as she has spent much of her childhood trailing around from one competition to the next. I wonder if she would feel that it was all worth it.

Sadly, I think the reality is that most people who go on to do sport at an elite level do make enormous sacrifices as young children, and so do their families. However, for every one who actually makes it, there will probably be another 100 or more who don't. And when you sign up for that level of commitment, you don't know how it's all going to turn out.

I guess the only sensible option is to assume that your child is not going to be among the very few who make it to the very top, and then decide whether you'd still want to sign up to that kind of training schedule in any case. Personally, I'd be encouraging the dc to enjoy their sport as a hobby but to maintain a balanced life with plenty of other stuff in it, but I'm aware that the parents of elite athletes would probably make very different choices!

TimeIhadaNameChange · 20/11/2019 10:33

I know nothing about it but would it be worth him being assessed by someone else to see whether they think this level of training is necessary at his age / ability?

Teateaandmoretea · 20/11/2019 11:27

I would find a different club/ coach and let him keep more balance in his life.

There is not a single squad in dd's club that train that much including older teenagers who swim at national level. They don't even let children into performance squads until they are at least 11.

Teateaandmoretea · 20/11/2019 11:31

Her coach is very clear that they should not "live solely to swim" when younger. Children need to rest, so their bodies can recover. The "Dr to verify sickness" bit you mention is just plain daft. One infectious child is likely to make the rest of the squad ill too!

I agree as my experience so far is that the coaches are normal, sensible people who understand that the children and parents have lives.

Teateaandmoretea · 20/11/2019 11:53

I've actually just looked up the training commitment for the top squad at dd's club (12+ swimmers at or near national level.). It is 3 evenings, 2 mornings and 2 land sessions (which are adjacent to swimming sessions) so 5x per week with some choice of sessions. She is 10 in a lower squad for younger children and swims 3 times a week (again with choice of sessions).

I really don't think what is described here is normal at all.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 20/11/2019 12:03

9 is too, too young. He is doing a decent amount of sport at the moment. If he's Olympic material now then he'll still be Olympic material when he's 11.

I'd revisit it in 12-24 months

Aragog · 20/11/2019 18:20

TBH - swimming 5 times a week, which he already does seems like too much to me, for a 9 year old. When's his chance to play, do homework, have friends over, and just sit and do nothing for a while?
Add another 3 on and its a massive commitment surely!

You say it will only affect you and ds2, but that's not true really.

What about holidays?
What if ds1 needs you to take him somewhere, or to just be around after school?

Also, you do know that many doctors would not be happy to have to see a child for a random cough and cold, or a simple d&v bug, let alone them having to write a sick note for it? Many would charge for the sick note. Also, we shouldn't be visiting already very busy surgeries and taking up appointment for such matters. But you also can't take him swimming if ill as he will pass it to everyone else!

The coach is unreasonable in this request.

spacepyramid · 20/11/2019 18:28

Having seen the damage done to the sibling of a child who was identified as a 'future Olympian' and who had parents who spent over 50k on the coaching and so on, there is no way I would even consider this.

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