Wwyd? child sport related

[Bunnybigears]

DS2 aged 9 currently swims competitively and plays hockey and cricket for his city. His swimming coach wants to move him into a very competitive squad based around creating future Olympians. This would mean training 4 weekday evenings, 2 weekday mornings and a weekend morning. No holidays to be taken outside of the summer break which is just 4 weeks of August, 100% of sessions to be completed any sickness needs to be verified by a Dr. This would essentially mean it would be impossible to continue with cricket. Hockey we could just about manage to continue. DS wants to do it even if it means giving up cricket. DH thinks he is too young to commit so much to one sport plus the impact it will have on the whole family in terms of having to take him there and back, restricted to August holidays etc. I have no idea what to do for the best but feel DS could resent it in future if we dont let him at least try this new squad. WWYD?

If he wants to do it I’d let him , but we had horses growing up and they were way more of a commitment than 7 sessions a week and the entire family revolved around them and their care even though only 2/5 of us were riders .

I don't know anything about swimming specifically but I have children who play a few different sports at a fairly high level and I coach a sport myself, albeit at an entry level club. Everything you have said screams to me that you need to run for the hills. In my capacity as a coach this flies in the face of so much I have been taught about coaching young children, and as a parent I have seen many families damaged beyond repair by becoming fixated on intensive training in a single activity at a young age.
Particularly if you are sold the story that your child is a potential world beater it is very easy to get sucked in to doing ridiculous things. I very nearly fell for something like this myself in fact. The combination of flattery along with the heavy hints that you would be ruining your child's chances for life if you don't take this opportunity now can lead to some decisions that people often live to regret.
I doubt very much that anyone can identify a future Olympian at 9 years old. Yes, you can spot children who have a greater aptitude than most at a very early age - I have a 4 year old in my club at present who has bags of natural talent and picks things up very quickly for instance - but with many sports a huge amount hangs on physique and puberty can make a massive difference. In all the sports we have been involved in as a family I have seen children who have been very strong fade away after puberty and others who have been late bloomers come along and shine. I have also seen those who do have the right physiques and abilities drop out anyway because they have basically burned out by their teens. They have lost the love for their sport which is so important.
The collateral damage from this kind of intensive training regime can also include marriage breakdowns, loss of sibling relationships and siblings' own ambitions, damage to physical and mental health of both the athlete and other members of the family, financial disasters, academic failure and bitterness in buckets full from all involved.
Sport at any age, but particularly in pre pubertal children should primarily be about fun. This us not fun, it is an endurance feat. Children rarely reach their full potential in toxic environments such as the one you describe. And I mean their full potential as human beings, not just as athletes. The chances of any individual reaching elite levels in any sport is very slim and I would advise great caution when it comes to focusing the time, energy and money that this programme would require at such an early age. The potential for serious losses are statistically a lot greater than the chances of long term success. As a previous poster wisely said, look at the background of a lot of the great athletes of the moment. Whilst there are exceptions of course a lot of them were not world beaters or even county players at a very young age. The kids whose names appear on lots of U10 trophies have often disappeared without a trace by 16 even.
A good coach should not be encouraging this narrow focus in a primary school pupil or exhibiting such controlling tendencies. A doctor's note for missing training is ridiculous - I know I would get short shrift from our GP if I even asked for that! I have seen this style of coaching - controlling, creating an atmosphere of fear and a sense of exclusivity - and it us not healthy. Children and parents become afraid to speak up for fear of losing their place and bad practices go unchallenged.
Sorry, I have rambled on, but it us something I feel strongly about. My 14 year old has just got a 1:1 coach as that is the youngest age individual training plans are allowed by the governing body. He is a fabulous coach and the complete antithesis of the coach you describe. The first thing he asks at the start of a session is " how is school going" or similar, other sports are encouraged and if a bit of the week's training schedule was missed because of not feeling too well or a heavy homework week it isn't the end of the world. He does expect commitment, but recognises he is dealing with a teenager who needs to be encouraged to develop as a whole person. There is a relationship of mutual respect between me, my child and myself. That is how it should be. Look for a coach with qualities like that and remember that if your son really does have Olympic potential then it won't disappear overnight if you don't take up this "opportunity".

elbowedout that is a great, informative post.

Fantastic post @Elbowedout.

Yes bravo elbowedout

The kids whose names appear on lots of U10 trophies have often disappeared without a trace by 16 even

So much this 👍

DH thinks he is too young to commit so much to one sport plus the impact it will have on the whole family in terms of having to take him there and back, restricted to August holidays etc. That is what makes or breaks the sporting elite.

A parent decides that the child is too young or the effort required will have too large a negative impact on family life. There is NOTHING WRONG with that, but it is one of the largest barriers to training to be elite.

I taught many elite sports boys and girls n my last teaching job. It was a specialist sports college and all of the elite programme students had families that had sacrificed a lot to support them. It is not an easy decision. Elbows post so very accurately reflects many conversations I had with both students and parents over the years.

Best of luck talking it through and working out what is best for you and yours.

That is what makes or breaks the sporting elite.

No it’s not. Not at 9 years old. After puberty maybe. But not at 9. Elbowedout’s post nails it.

That is what makes or breaks the sporting elite no it isn't. And no 9 year old is elite anyway.

DD’s best friend (14) is a high level competitive swimmer
The commitment in terms of time and money is incredible. Her mum is very open about the fact that if they had other dc it would be impossible, plus they have their own business so can be flexible with working and have a good income
It’s not something I would do at that age

WWYD?

Ask him what he wants?

And I say that as a parent of a dc who was the best in the country at a particular sport, 2 years on the trot at 9 or 10. The dcs winning now at 14 didn't even do it at 9! The ones still doing it very far down the list. I think there are two kids thst were in the top 20 who are now in the top 10. Interestingly, the top 8 in her year then all do other sports now.

Being told you are Olympic level at 9 gives you absolutely nowhere to go. Suddenly you get beaten at 11 and can't handle it.

Ask him what he wants?

If a 9 year old, who likes sports, is told that an intensive training program now will mean he might be one of the very best swimmers in the world, what do you think he’ll say?

Good coaches of promising primary school athletes play the long game and don’t say shit like this.

We stopped competitive swimming because of the stress it started to create. It is not healthy to expect a young child to feel this type of pressure. My Dc had pneumonia and rather than getting sympathy the coaches just wanted to know where he was. It was the final straw. He now does more sports and if he is tired or ill it does not matter. So few swimmers get to the top, and there are lots of very good swimmers under 12.

I taught many elite sports boys and girls n my last teaching job. It was a specialist sports college and all of the elite programme students had families that had sacrificed a lot to support them.

Were you teaching 9 year olds?

Just want to clarify at no point has anyone told DS he could become an olympic swimmer, he is not currently beating everyone as he is a small skinny 9 year old. He does have very good technical ability though. For DS 7 sessions of swimming with his friends each week does seem like fun and swimming before school seems like a great big adventure with the possibility of a Maccy D's breakfast on the way to school.

BUT

I have taken on board everyone's very helpful insights and opinions.

I think you should let him try it out. If you don't you'll forever wonder "what if?" If things don't work out he can drop it and pick up cricket again next summer.

WWYD?
Ask him what he wants?
Totally disagree. It's times like this when you have to step up and be the parent. It's times like this - when they are being pressurised, whether by peers or authority - that they need your help to develop critical analysis and not get sucked in by flattery and false promises.

You might be better off posting this on the Education/Extra-curricular/swimming thread where there are a few older boys' mums. I can only comment from my perspective as a mum of a 12 year old girl who competes in Regionals and also plays county hockey. She enjoys sport and mixing with different groups of friends. That variety keeps her grounded and injury-free.

Her coach is very clear that they should not "live solely to swim" when younger. Children need to rest, so their bodies can recover. The "Dr to verify sickness" bit you mention is just plain daft. One infectious child is likely to make the rest of the squad ill too!

Very few kids make it to National level, even fewer win medals. Even fewer of these do well enough to make a sensible career out of swimming. Physique at 9, pre-puberty, is no indication of potential.

Yes there are some very good swimmers who appear to be streets ahead at 10 or 11, but then most seem to disappear down the ranking lists. It is hard to go from "always medalling" to "almost a PB".

I would much rather have a child that loved sport and carried on swimming and running into adulthood, than one that dropped the whole lot at 15 as they simply hated the early starts. Growing children deserve plenty of sleep.

I would wait until 13 or 14.

@senua

I think you mistook the word ask in for comment for the word do

any sickness needs to be verified by a Dr

as a GP, if your child has a cold I'd be directing you to a pharmacy - you wouldn't be taking up an NHS appointment just to get a note for swimming. Just be aware that if the illness wouldn't otherwise need to see a GP, you won't get a letter, and if you do see a GP a letter will be private and cost £20-30. I am unimpressed that the squad leader doesn't trust parents on this.

As an aside OP I highly recommend Judy Murray’s autobiography which gives some insight into raising sporty children.

I think you mistook the word ask in for comment for the word do
Run that past me again. If it means what I think it means ...
you can't simply ask a DC what they want unless you are prepared to grant that wish.
This is too big to delegate to a 9 year old. They need guiding, not asking.
They need parenting.

OP, what you said was

His swimming coach wants to move him into a very competitive squad based around creating future Olympians

Has your coach used these words or is that what you, as a proud parent, have assumed?

The trouble is, if they start off thinking swimming 7 days a week is fun, what happens when it isn't fun, and he's tired, and he wants to drop a session. He, and you, will feel like failures. That's when this kind of ridiculous plan backfires.

Forget the Olympics and do what you need to do as a parent to raise a happy, grounded, resilient, fit, healthy child who loves sport all through their lives.