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Anyone want to share their horrendous family Christmas memories? I have to laugh at mine, or I'd cry

82 replies

pigeononthegate · 17/11/2019 14:30

Family Christmases when I was growing up were an unadulterated nightmare from start to finish. They usually started with my mother practically handing out scripts for how she wanted everyone to behave, and an atmosphere of brittle jollity laced with sheer terror as everyone knew it was all going to go to rat shit again.

My sister hated opening presents in front of the giver and handled it by being rude and belligerent. She would hand back at least one present saying "I don't want it". My brother would be a nervous wreck and reacted by being silly and winding people up. My stepfather would turn into Victorian Dad and get progressively angrier and more uptight as the wrapping paper mess mounted. He would sit hunched in the corner (in a full Santa suit and beard my mother dressed him in) cutting crosses into the sprouts and occasionally roaring at someone to shut up or stop being bloody stupid.

Christmas dinner was an uneasy interface between my mother's desire to do "family Christmas" and both parents' ingrained conviction that talking/frivolity at the table is WRONG. So we would pull the crackers, put on the hats, and then eat in silence. If I close my eyes I can still see my mother's grim, furious face with a sheen of sweat and a fucking paper crown sitting on top of it. Usually by the time dinner was served there had been at least one major bust-up so at least two people would be either sulking or in tears. The only conversation would be titbits like my stepfather standing up and announcing "I'm going to put these sprouts back in the microwave PigeonsMum - they're RAW"

After dinner, if we were really young and there were toys to put together/batteries to organise/decals to apply, my stepfather would be ordered to do it while my mother sniped from the sidelines and whichever unfortunate child it was watched with a suitably grateful demeanour, or else. Something would get broken. "Easy come, easy fucking go".

Games. Oh sweet Jesus the games. Charades would involve my stepfather repeatedly doing "A Touch Of Frost" because he quite literally didn't know anything else and had been drinking on the sly all afternoon, and my mother making increasingly cruel jibes about him having had a stroke and somebody should call an ambulance. Card games would involve my stepfather accusing people of cheating and having a full-blown tantrum about the rules. Any game between two of the children would be shut down because it was noisy and "bloody stupid". My mother would start to unravel because we weren't conforming to the script. There would be screaming, throwing of objects, pronouncements of "I don't know why I bother, you've never brought me anything but fucking heartache, any of you" and there would be hissed arguments about who "ruined Christmas". The day would conclude (in the small hours, usually) with somebody either storming or being thrown out, suitcases emptied out of upstairs windows, taxis screaming off down the street, my mother thundering around the house banging doors and blaming whoever happened to be in the way.

Merry fucking Christmas Grin

OP posts:
heidbuttsupper · 17/11/2019 18:39

Always spent Christmas day on eggshells. My dad was such a wannabe snob. We would have my mums family on Christmas day and my dad would draw his eyes at the way they ate (nothing wrong with the way they ate) and mutter to me about them being pigs and not knowing how to use cutlery or sit at the table properly. He always only did this in earshot of only me, no one else would hear him. It was awful, I would be so uncomfortable, scared in case anyone heard him. One year he actually stormed from the table because my gran put tomato sauce on her plate, as if it was so beneath him. I was so embarrassed but of course, no one knew what his problem was as he had only whispered it to me.

I am totally NC with my dad now as my childhood was awful. The whispering of things to me out of earshot of others was a common thing he would do to me and it is only now as an adult I realised he did it to terrorise me. He was a bully and I hate him.

MrsGrindah · 17/11/2019 18:45

SourDoughSophieGosh I could have written your post! Sadly my parents are no longer with us and I wish I could tell them how much I appreciate their efforts to give us fab Christmasses. Second Xmas without them this year and I won’t lie I’m finding it hard.

ShiningTor · 17/11/2019 18:49

@Batfurger

and then the old Jock was whisked back for the pub

It was this bit. I'm not Scottish but I was surprised by the language, seems like something from another era.

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Bonkerz · 17/11/2019 18:53

I had some awful christmas days.
Some horrid ones were
#My parents split up just before Christmas. Subsequently dad moved upstairs and we lived downstairs with my mum. We slept under the tree on Christmas Eve knowing that Christmas Day would just be more arguments.
#mum had severe depression one year and me and my sister were alone all Christmas Day while mum slept. We listened to the radio all day as we didn't have any money to put in the TV (pay to rent box!!)

#step dads family robbed us and did a runner on Christmas Eve. They stole Christmas presents and dinner. We ended up eating a fray bentos pie and tinned potatoes for Christmas dinner.

Each year I bust a gut to make my kids Christmas super special. Even last year when me and dh split in November we still spent Christmas together and exdh will be here Christmas Day again this year.

AmIScary · 17/11/2019 18:55

We always had great Christmases. Messy, not very posh, but loads of food, drink and fun

I hope DD grows up with the same memories

@bernardo yes, the old jock thing pissed me off too.

ClapHandsAndSaveTheFairies · 17/11/2019 19:06

my sister turned her nose up and said "where are the vegetables?" and my dad burst into tears

Aww, I really feel sorry for the dad, even though I'd have probably said the same to him (the vegetables are my favourite part of a roast, with the tatties and gravy).

I don't remember particularly ruined christmasses but at all the ones I've ever shared with my parents, my dad will be irritable about something, at the very least.

They've mostly been magical for me since becoming a mum, because it gives you a legit reason to get into things with excitement and abandon. As well as the whole Lego, Brio and so on fun which you're expected to leave behind when you're a grown up Grin

Bobobobobob · 17/11/2019 19:08

We have great family christmases. Not fancy at all. The pasting table and garden furniture comes out. We all love each other very much until the monopoly comes out ....community chest cards flying through the air ..... Auntie Mary stomping off because she's been sent to jail .... me whimpering in the corner under a pile of wrapping paper.

dementedma · 17/11/2019 19:14

Some of these are dreadful. My sister found out on Christmas Day that her husband was having an affair. Her Ds asked why daddy was talking to someone on the phone in the bathroom.
Christmas hasn’t really been the same for her since.

Liverpool52 · 17/11/2019 19:19

When I was younger my mother always wanted to go to midnight mass. She'd get wankered so after a few years my dad refused to drive us (she can't drive). So then she'd get utterly wankered and pour herself into bed at 6am on christmas morning when dad and I got up (we're both early risers). She'd eventually get up at midday, be rude about the presents we'd got her (but if asked she wouldn't tell us what she wanted). She'd then cook the worst dinner ever, but wouldn't let anybody else cook, and be drunk again by the time the oven had heated up. Dinner would be at 7pm. Maybe.

I haven't been there for Christmas in 14 years. Won't ever go again.

To be fair Christmas at my ILs house is the exact opposite - completely rigid with timings and a "you will have fun because it is christmas" attitude.

We have own traditions and it's great.

Hovverry · 17/11/2019 19:22

My ex said Christmas was a waste of money. He took no part in it. I bought the gifts and wrapped them then got up at 5 on Christmas morning to unwrap them with the children. He got up when the dinner was ready then drank all afternoon and evening, shouting every time. the kids made a sound.
Next morning all signs of Christmas were gone and every toy or game had to be removed to unheated bedrooms.
He never bought one gift in the twelve years we were together.

ThreeLeggedCat · 17/11/2019 19:23

The year my Dad greeted us at the door with “Merry Christmas, DAunt has blocked the toilet” Grin

peachgreen · 17/11/2019 19:25

Uncle stood up and announced he was having an affair at the dinner table. Still don't know to this day what possessed him.

amusedbush · 17/11/2019 19:40

God, mine was horrible at the time but really nothing compared to some of these. They are heartbreaking.

Also, another one saying fuck off to the anti-Scottish comments 🖕🏻

BernardoTeashop · 17/11/2019 19:45

As well as a dour Scot the person in question was also referred to as a jock. Casual racism but not as bad as calling the person highlighting it a horrible cunt. Hope you have a lovely day and a very happy Xmas.

NerrSnerr · 17/11/2019 19:47

I have a couple.

When I was about 14 my uncle died of alcoholism on Christmas Eve. It was my mum's brother and she is also an alcoholic now but 'just' binge drinked in those days. When she told us she was going to drink herself 'into oblivion' I tried to helpfully suggest that it wasn't a good idea considering he died from alcohol himself (I know it wasn't what she wanted to hear but I didn't know any better at 14). She absolutely exploded at me and told me that I had ruined everyone's Christmas and the whole family found it such hard work to put up with me. To be honest it broke me and my relationship with all my immediate family has never been the same.

My parents separated when I was 19 and quickly got into new relationships. The first Christmas after they separated my mum went to Scotland with her bloke and it was clear we weren't welcome at my dads. My sister spent Christmas with her boyfriend and my brother spent it with a family from university. I spent Christmas morning alone. My dad picked me up for Christmas dinner and I thought I'd be spending all afternoon and evening there but I ate lunch and he dropped me home so I spent most of Christmas Day alone. I didn't tell any of my friends I was alone because I was too embarrassed to admit how fucked up it was when everyone else seemed to be having perfect a perfect Christmas.

Slappadabass · 17/11/2019 20:21

Compared to others here mine wasnt too bad as a child, we got lots of presents and a nice meal but my mum would have a inevitable meltdown, usually screaming at one or all of us, and make constant snide horrible comments about our dads who didn't contribute, like it was our faults. But that behaviour wasn't reserved just for Christmas.

As a adult, the worst ones was when a friend said she would keep me company on Xmas afternoon/night as I was single at the time and my DD was going to her dad's, at the last minute she ditched me for a bloke she had just started seeing, so I spent the rest of the day alone, was depressing! Can't say we was friends for much longer after that..

Then another year my brother kicked off and caused a huge scene, then the year after it was my MIL arguing with BIL then claiming she may aswell be dead like FIL, this year we are having it at home and locking the doors, not having another year spoilt for my kids because adults can't keep their mouths shut!

Slappadabass · 17/11/2019 20:22

And thanks for this thread because I was starting to cave about not seeing family this year, it's reminded me of all the reasons we are avoiding the lot of them like the plague this year! Grin

Slappadabass · 17/11/2019 20:28

Oh and another, when my new-ish but much older ex got that drunk he passed out Infront of his children, I couldn't wake him at all, he was completely gone, I had to walk the poor things back in the cold and dark to their mum with them giving me directions and explain what had happened.

I'd never met her before, felt so sorry for the kids, neither the mum or kids seemed phased by his actions, obviously a regular occurrence.

So bloody glad I didn't have kids with him, we broke up a week or so later.

choccybuttonshelpeverything · 17/11/2019 20:28

The year we had MIL and step FIL, we had to arrange dinner around times that suited her church and dog. I bought specific stuff in for her and it was very clear she was coming for a meal, only for her to turn up and say she'd eaten her Xmas dinner at church Shock
Hasn't been invited since

lookatgiraffenow · 17/11/2019 20:33

The 'old Jock' comment...it's not cool folks. Poster probably isn't aware - or cares - she's being incredibly out of touch to the point of being offensive.

Slappadabass · 17/11/2019 20:35

@raspberrytruffle You poor thing, that made me so sad! What a absolutely vile creature your dad is. Here's to making a ton more much better memories with your own DC Flowers

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 17/11/2019 21:30

God some of you have had such an awful time of it, I’m so sorry. Flowers

Our Christmases were perfectly nice, normal christmases. Till my dad’s cancer got so bad we had to call an ambulance on Christmas Day. He passed away on New Year’s Eve so that’s never been quite the same either.

Then once we had children we used to have Christmases at the in-laws, or they’d come to us. They were lovely happy times. Unfortunately they’ve passed away now as well, as has my mum, and are much missed. Dd1 says she misses the big family Christmases we used to have.

Raspberrytruffle · 19/11/2019 13:52

@Slappadabass thankyou for your kindness, my beautiful children have really helped me to enjoy life again x

Raspberrytruffle · 19/11/2019 13:53

@VeryGenuinequestions oh yes the big man that liked to bully x

CandlesAreHere · 19/11/2019 16:00

I never know whether to laugh or cry when thinking back to this:
Some years ago my widowed DM (then in her 70’s) moved into sheltered accommodation and unexpectedly met a man (also in his 70’s) who she really got along with. They went on holidays together and were close friends.
Sooooo, in the spirit of Christmas, I invited DM plus her ‘friend’ for Christmas lunch.
That year we had spent a lot of money on new furniture, including a brand new 2 week old sofa.
After lunch, we were sat on the new sofa when I happened to look at man friends crotch (honestly, I don’t do this normally) and it was all wet. I thought perhaps he’d spilt his drink, but he didn’t say anything and how do you broach that with a stranger?
I later drove them home and asked my DH to check the sofa while I was out.
And YES, he’d pissed all over our brand new sofa. He’d also pissed on our dining room chair (it had soaked through to the sponge interior padding). And of course, the seat in my car was wet too.
So much for doing something nice for someone. I appreciate that he might not have been able to help it but FFS. Christmas Day evening was spent trying to clean the furniture - that was fun.

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