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Anyone want to share their horrendous family Christmas memories? I have to laugh at mine, or I'd cry

82 replies

pigeononthegate · 17/11/2019 14:30

Family Christmases when I was growing up were an unadulterated nightmare from start to finish. They usually started with my mother practically handing out scripts for how she wanted everyone to behave, and an atmosphere of brittle jollity laced with sheer terror as everyone knew it was all going to go to rat shit again.

My sister hated opening presents in front of the giver and handled it by being rude and belligerent. She would hand back at least one present saying "I don't want it". My brother would be a nervous wreck and reacted by being silly and winding people up. My stepfather would turn into Victorian Dad and get progressively angrier and more uptight as the wrapping paper mess mounted. He would sit hunched in the corner (in a full Santa suit and beard my mother dressed him in) cutting crosses into the sprouts and occasionally roaring at someone to shut up or stop being bloody stupid.

Christmas dinner was an uneasy interface between my mother's desire to do "family Christmas" and both parents' ingrained conviction that talking/frivolity at the table is WRONG. So we would pull the crackers, put on the hats, and then eat in silence. If I close my eyes I can still see my mother's grim, furious face with a sheen of sweat and a fucking paper crown sitting on top of it. Usually by the time dinner was served there had been at least one major bust-up so at least two people would be either sulking or in tears. The only conversation would be titbits like my stepfather standing up and announcing "I'm going to put these sprouts back in the microwave PigeonsMum - they're RAW"

After dinner, if we were really young and there were toys to put together/batteries to organise/decals to apply, my stepfather would be ordered to do it while my mother sniped from the sidelines and whichever unfortunate child it was watched with a suitably grateful demeanour, or else. Something would get broken. "Easy come, easy fucking go".

Games. Oh sweet Jesus the games. Charades would involve my stepfather repeatedly doing "A Touch Of Frost" because he quite literally didn't know anything else and had been drinking on the sly all afternoon, and my mother making increasingly cruel jibes about him having had a stroke and somebody should call an ambulance. Card games would involve my stepfather accusing people of cheating and having a full-blown tantrum about the rules. Any game between two of the children would be shut down because it was noisy and "bloody stupid". My mother would start to unravel because we weren't conforming to the script. There would be screaming, throwing of objects, pronouncements of "I don't know why I bother, you've never brought me anything but fucking heartache, any of you" and there would be hissed arguments about who "ruined Christmas". The day would conclude (in the small hours, usually) with somebody either storming or being thrown out, suitcases emptied out of upstairs windows, taxis screaming off down the street, my mother thundering around the house banging doors and blaming whoever happened to be in the way.

Merry fucking Christmas Grin

OP posts:
FireUnderpants · 17/11/2019 16:23

My parents were getting divorced and it was announced to the whole of my dad's side of the family at Christmas Dinner at his sisters house.

My brother, sister and I promptly burst into tears. We had all been instructed not to tell anyone so were maybe hoping it wouldn't happen.

The rest of the day must have been so uncomfortable for my mum, as no one spoke to her. My auntie lives rurally and my mum doesn't drive so couldn't leave.

Ferretyone · 17/11/2019 16:28

@pigeononthegate

I absolutely hate Christmas in UK [don't really know why - long psychiatrist sessions ahead I suppose] but these posts help put it into perspective! Thank you Flowers.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 17/11/2019 16:37

My mum would keep looking out of the window waiting for her boyfriend to pick her up

She and my nan would end up arguing my aunt would side with my nan and just ask how could you my grandad would be comforting me or trying to distract me and my cousins who were also upset as their dad has only popped by briefly if that

Her boyfriend (my ex step dad) had received the maximum prison sentence at the time for child cruelty towards me (that was 4 years)

Christmas always brings up sad feelings and I’m glad when it’s over

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BernardoTeashop · 17/11/2019 16:48

Really sad stories but not enjoying the casual racism against the Scots

DonG30 · 17/11/2019 16:54

My mother would not even put up the Xmas tree. Me and my older brother would take it down from the attic on the 23rd and put it up. I was 11, he was 15 we had 3 younger siblings too, 10,7,4. She was a terrible cook. Dinner would be dry overcooked. She would make us sit at the kitchen table and not let us leave til it was all ate, she gave us all adult size portions. she would eat in the sitting room in front of the TV and fire. I would always have a plastic bag in my pocket and would sneak bits of dinner into it to try finish faster and would have to find a way to dump it later. I used to beg her for money to buy the small kids presents I would walk into town and buy what I could from the poundshops and wrap them up while the kids were in bed. She would watch me wrap my own present. She never had much to say to us only that we ruined her life. We were all bastards and she wished she never had us. All holidays were like this. Bdays were the worst we never had parties or even a cake.

Gilead · 17/11/2019 17:01

A mother who was never satisfied with what she’d been given. Who regarded the meal as a competition, her food just had to be the best and who would give extravagant presents to others whilst I got uniform or socks.

desperatehousewife2 · 17/11/2019 17:02

@DonG30 that has made me cry. Here’s a huge hug to the 11 year old you! Bear
I’m sorry I can’t really contribute to this thread because although we certainly weren’t in any way well off, all I can remember are warm, happy Christmases despite my Dad dying when I was 10 and my brother when I was a teenager. My DM was an amazing, warm, kind mother who made it special for us although she must have been beside herself with grief and worry about money. I miss her every day, she died when I was a bit older and I would give anything for her to share another Christmas with us as she never met any of her grandchildren.

DonG30 · 17/11/2019 17:08

Thanks I haven't spoke to her in 6 years. Don't know what it's like to have a mother so I can only try to imagine your loss. X

Slightaggrandising · 17/11/2019 17:15

@BernardoTeashop Hmm one poster mentions a dour Scot...

Myriad stories, an alcoholic mother will do that to you. Horrible cunt.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 17/11/2019 17:20

Not Christmas but New Year .

I was 19yo (student) , I have an older DSis and younger DBro.

My DMum was spending time at her parents . I used to go and see them too , they lived about an hours journey from me , bit longer for Dmum.

They would not give her a key . Or have a phone . They did not have any contact with any neighbours or have any carers (by choice)

Over that Christmas , I saw my DMum on NYE daytime

She went to my DGrandparents on NYE .
A neighbour offered to drive her "after the Bells" but my GP insisted she went in the early evening .

So she did , got there about 7-8pm.....................and they'd locked up and gone to bed Angry Left her on the doorstep with no key, on NYE , after a long journey by bus and a 20 minute walk.

Surfskatefamily · 17/11/2019 17:21

Took my husband (who was boyfriend at this time) up for his first christmas with my family.
All at my grandparents.
Teenage sister and brother got too pissed and had fist fight in the lounge.
Then mum and brother in law fighting in the kitchen too.
Teenage sister (who was in the first fight)ended up wetting herself on grans new couch and ran off down the road kicking car wing mirrors

Then new years eve went out with my dad and his wife who got too pissed. They had a massive arguement in the middle of the dancefloor just after midnight.

I dont go up for christmas anymore

FeckaDecka · 17/11/2019 17:29

Spent the second half of Christmas Day on my own in another part of the house after Mum got angrypissed and became Mrs Bitchmass. My immediate family/ other siblings were all doing Christmas on their own due to young kids and would pop by on Boxing Day. I had no where else to go. I was living miles away from my home town at that point.

VeryGenuinequestions · 17/11/2019 17:31

tice

How utterly despicable that your gm and aunt laugh at your dm?
When they mentioned that Xmas what did you say? I think I would have walked out..
You visit them to be civil but they are so un civil that they laugh openly at your dm at Xmas one year again to you? The grown up dd?

Personally I would have defended my dm and left. How nasty.

Op you Poor thing!

How awful for you. Its hard to know what your dm was trying to achieve?
I've read some awful xmasses on here before...

I hope all those who had awful childhood xmasses have better ones now!

Raspberrytruffle · 17/11/2019 17:44

My worst Christmas...............
So my dad always starts about a week before Christmas from loving happy dad to angry dad who spends as much time as he can shouting and screaming, smashing stuff, anything to upset stuff like calling my mom a stupid cunt going nuts because he wasn't satisfied with what food was purchased for the Christmas period, pulling the Christmas tree down and binning the decorations because the tree was not decorated to his standards, Christmas day would come and we would have to pose and put big fake smiles on when opening our gifts like we had truly won the lottery. So we were used to having this every Christmas and we would all be on edge running up to that week. So my worst memories was on Christmas eve as my dad had unusually been fantastic running up to Christmas which was a miracle we were all so happy but he completely exploded on Christmas eve attacking my mum, smashing everything in the house, tree getting thrown outside, food getting thrown outside, you get it. Lined us all up at 10pm on Christmas eve like army style screaming in our faces telling us how we were all bastards , me a fat ugly cunt who he never loved. We all hid in our bedroom to frightened to even leave our bedroom for the toilet so unashamedly I out of fear and desperation used a pint glass and sneaked it out at 4am Christmas day to empty. We spent days hidden crying in our bedroom until new years day my dad forced us all to come downstairs and to have Christmas on new years day. We put on big fake smiles like the best actors and opend our presents to appease our dad whilst my mum sat next to us crying her eyes out . Truly horrible it's taken me years to learn to enjoy Christmas again with my own Christmas as up until s few years ago I used to get very sad and low running up to Christmas because I'd had such awful Christmas at home. Thank God for my wonderful husband and children they have learned me how to enjoy it again! When I left school and worked I purposely used to put myself down to work Christmas eve, Christmas day, new years day just so I could not be at home to go through all of this,,my excuse to my father was oh dad I like to work hard and earn money plus we got paid extra so it would satisfy him.sorry folks for this downer Blush

VeryGenuinequestions · 17/11/2019 17:48

Raspberry are you saying he was normal and OK the rest of the year? Did your mum leave him?

So awful!

AlphaBravoCharlieDelta · 17/11/2019 17:58

This reply has been withdrawn

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velocitygirl7 · 17/11/2019 18:02

Lots of awful sad stories here. I wish you all had different memories, some are so sad @pigeononthegate you are an absolutely brilliant writer! Your memories are shockingly awful but you write in such an amazing way. You should write a book!

donttalktomeaboutcarinsurance · 17/11/2019 18:05

I don't have anything to share but watching with interest. Some of these are just so sad. Human beings can be so awful to each other.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 17/11/2019 18:08

I have no bad childhood memories of Christmas (only the standard hissy fits over Monopoly and the like). We really were like a real life Oxo family advert, so much so, it was only when we (siblings) grew up and married into other families that we understood just exactly what a rare thing that was.

DH had 6 glorious Christmases with my parents before my mum died, the first one was a full two weeks (our whole break from uni) where my DF opened the kitchen door and welcomed him in by telling him where the booze was kept and that to help himself to the food in the cupboards. He spent that Xmas slightly drunk with a weird look on his face because (as I realized years later) he'd never experienced a Christmas like it.

His parents were hoarders, never put decs up (aside from the tiny tree that sat on the telly that sat on top of a broken telly) and were barely speaking to each other most of the time, and when they did they argued.

I was never ever invited to the in-laws for Christmas, and so DH just came to us instead from the moment we met. The last Xmas visit we made to his parents was nearly 20 years ago, we arrived only to find MIL refusing point blank to come downstairs (we were supposed to be going out for a meal) It took nearly 2 hours of FIL and DH tag-teaming going upstairs to plead with her before she finally made an appearance. She had also written in marker pen on the living room wall that FIL was a bastard and had smashed all the glass in the interior doors.

Suffice to say, the in-laws had divorced by the next Christmas.

ShiningTor · 17/11/2019 18:13

Really sad stories but not enjoying the casual racism against the Scots

@BernardoTeashop me too, was shocked!

SourDoughSophie · 17/11/2019 18:15

Gosh how sad, i only have happy memories of mum working really hard to make a fabulous meal and then dad always being bought a bottle of Cointreau so that he would take it to the kitchen, drink the whole bottle but do absolutely all the clearing up and washing up and putting away whilst he drank the bottle, then eventually retiring to where we were, pissed as a fart and falling asleep,

I have done Christmas for the last ten years and i miss this. This time its me cooking the whole dinner with a bottle of wine and then being too tired and pissed to eat it.

My lovely parents were good people, without lots of money and i miss those Christmases.

Raspberrytruffle · 17/11/2019 18:27

@VeryGenuinequestions he had a temper but it was manageable, I begged my mum as a child , pleaded with her to leave my father but all I got was I'm not ending up with nothing if I leave so she would rather stay and be miserable and see her kids get emotionally abused also corporal punishment was his speciality, he used to make us choose what item we would be getting beaten with, usually a choice off his heavy weightlifting belt, a plank of wood or a baseball bat, slippers as he stopped offering to spank us with his hand because in his words it hurt his hand. His favourite thing was telling me that if I'd done something wrong that I'd wait until the end of the day to receive my punishment so I'd have all day to think about it ! I used to hate him and wish him dead, I did go no contact about 5 years ago for a year whilst I had talking therapy, I've learned to move on these past few years. My sister dealt with it having an eating disorder, my brother took to drugs and was very angry for many years especially at our mum for staying and allowing it, thankfully my brother has sorted his life out and seems alot happier. I've got my lovely husband and kids, I still have the occasional bad dreams or a flashback where I'm back at home in my child like body getting hurt and it really knocks me for a day or 2.

Raspberrytruffle · 17/11/2019 18:31

@VeryGenuinequestions I also remembering his other thing was if me and my 4 siblings had been annoying each other he would either make us kiss each other or he would make us choose what item my dad would be beating my siblings with, intact I remember him getting my sister to slap me as a punishment for getting on my sisters nerves I was only 4 at the time

Batfurger · 17/11/2019 18:32

@ShiningTor can you show me the casual racism? Please? I'm totally missing it.

VeryGenuinequestions · 17/11/2019 18:38

Raspberry how utterly awful. 😔😔.

A weight lifter too.
FlowersFlowers

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