Am I being an unreasonable wife?

[SuddenStrike1]

Hi all I am new to this forum, I am looking for honest opinions On this subject so here we go...
I have been with my husband for 17 years married for 7, we have 2 beautiful little girls aged 2 & 4.
Before the girls came along we were living in bliss! Only had to think of each other etc etc.
Obviously a few years down the line things are now VERY different, both myself and my husband work full time one daughter is in school the other is in nursery.
My typical day starts at 6 am I get up, get dressed, get the girls up, get them dressed, give them breakfast, and we are out of the door for 7.40am every morning. I drop my eldest daughter at breakfast club, then on to the nursery for 8am and then arrive at work for 8.30.
I leave work at 4.30pm collect the youngest at 4.30, eldest at 5. Then it’s back home, I bath both children, I give them supper, read them a story do homework and then they are away to bed At 7pm.
Once they are in bed I then sort nursery and school bags for next morning, prep and cook tea, make lunches, and either empty the dishwasher or empty the washing machine, there is always one to do!!
Dinner is usually ready for 8.00, myself and my husband eat I then clean plates away etc and sit down for around 9pm, my husband goes to bed at 9.00 I tend to stay up until 10.00 and attempt to unwind. Weekends consist of me hoovering in the morning, take eldest swimming, home for dinner, cook dinner/tea entertain the children and then same routine for bed.
I do all the house work, cooking, washing, childcare, parties, swimming lessons, ballet, endless school functions.... sundays are a family day, we will go to the park, play at home and will then have Sunday dinner.
My husband gets up at 5.30 am goes to work and is home for 6.30 and works every other Saturday. I am not disputing that he works hard he truly does but... he does literally NOTHING else... not a thing, the Saturday he doesn’t work, he catches up with friends, cuts the grass, or washes his car (never has he ever done mine at the same time only ever his own.
I am now at the point where I am starting to feel that this is all a bit unfair, I have questioned it several times, his response is to argue with me that it’s not fair that I always whinge at home and he is out of the house for 13 hours of the day, which I whole heartily accept, he does work hard, and he is a loving dad, but seriously??!!! Not a thing? Not 1 meal, 1 bath time, 1 load of washing, never made lunches, never done the school run.
Now I personally think I work hard, I am a manager of a groundwork company that employs 30+ staff, I work full time. I have NO help with the children we do not have any family near by, and never have I had a friend offer to help, so raising the children is solely on my shoulders.
Should I suck it up and accept That yes he works hard And longer hours than me, an I being unfair expecting a bit of help?
What do I do from here? I have no social life so don’t go out, unless it’s a wedding or Xmas party, a lot of my friends don’t have children, so I rarely see the ones I have. I just don’t know what to do,

He only gets up half an hour before you and gets home an hour later and thinks this entitles him to do fuck all? Nope.
Yanbu he's a lazy prick

What June said!

Oh and every second Saturday. Still no.

Colour chart - commute + work hours in red. Childcare hours in purple. Housework in blue. Leisure time in yellow. Who has the most yellow? Rhetorical question

Yuck. He is a lazy disrespectful twat of a husband. Mine gets up first, gets the kids breakfast, takes the youngest to nursery, the older two are more self sufficient but I drop the oldest to school on my way to work. If DH is home before me he'll start or empty the dishwasher/dryer and begin evening tea. We're a team, and we split things equally. That's how it should be IMO

I'd go away for a week, to your parents or something similar and tell him to figure it out. He won't realise how much you do, until he has to do it.
Why are you putting up with this?! You'll run yourself into the ground.

Nope YANBU. They’re his kids too. If he continues to be selfish and you eventually get fed up and he ends up alone, he’ll have to dedicate every other whole weekend to his children.

Yanbu he's a lazy prick

This with bells on.

He's not a 'loving dad' if he can't even be arsed to give them a bath or read them a story. What does he do as soon as he gets home from work while you're running about like a blue arsed fly? I would hazard a guess that he's sitting on his backside waiting for you to make dinner?

How on earth are you questioning whether this is ok or not you work 6-7 and never have a chance to have a day to do stuff

He works less and has a social life

He is your problem just reading this makes me so angry for you. And how is he a loving dad he what sees them on a Sunday and does nothing for them

Its not a bit unfair

I would stop making his dinner for him - you eat with the girls. Stop washing his clothes. Make a plan for this Saturday and tell him you're going out to meet Sandra, you'll be back at 6. Jobs to be done are hoovering, laundry (wash dry fold put away etc) . Swimming lesson is at 11, bag needs to be packed. You'll expect dinner at 6. Would that work? Doesn't actually mean you have to meet anyone. Just wander around town by yourself if nobody is free to meet you

Why did he have children if he doesn’t want to give them a bath or take them to their ballet or things like that? That’s the bread and butter of being a parent. How sad that he’s missing out on those things.

On top of that he should absolutely do some of the chores too. I can’t believe he doesn’t even wash your car when he does his own! That is almost actively mean.

You are being taken for a ride OP

You are effectively a single parent. You are bringing your dc up by yourself but also looking after another freeloading adult.

He’s not a good dad if he never ever does anything for his dc. He’s a lazy arse.

Things should change. You deserve much more. So do your dc.

I wouldn’t cook dinner during the week. You mentioned giving your girls supper - eat with them yourself at that time and your DH can cook fir himself if he want. I’d stop doing his laundry/ironing/making lunches.

He’s being extremely selfish and disrespectful.

I’m a single parent who works full time - in the morning/day I have a similar routine to you but I eat with the DC at about 6 and once they’re in bed I laze around and watch telly, read and drink wine! The second dinner thing is really fucking your time up. I do have a boyfriend who lives elsewhere but when he’s with me I get extra relaxing time, not less, he fits in with us not the other way round.

Think about it, i don’t even have a partner living with me and I have more down time than you with the same working hours and number of small children...he’s making work for you!

Sounds exactly like my situation OP. My "D"H at least would occasionally do "Disney dad" and take us all somewhere.

FYI I kicked him out 2 months ago - my life is still hectic but immensely better, I still do everything but I now get some relaxing time in the evening without a whiney, sulky, soul sucking shit moaning about how long it's been since he got a BJ.

The kids don't even ask for him, his loss, something to think about OP.

To those saying go out for a day or whatever and let him figure it out, that didn't work with mine. I was in hospital for 2 weeks after DC3 was born, I came home to find he'd dumped DC1+2 with his parents and hadn't done any housework, the cat litter trays alone.... He was on paternity leave the whole time, he sat and watched me clean up, I'd had a CS and complications, his only comments were he was going to do it and now I was making him look bad.

That's outrageous, but not suprising I'm afraid. These boards are full of women married to men who expect them to work and be a 1950s housewife at the same time.

Well he's got it sorted hasn't he.

He does nothing around the home, nothing with the kids.

What does he actually do between 6. 30 and 9? Why isn't he getting dinner on whilst you put the kids to bed?

I'd def not he happy and I'd be seriously contemplating staying with someoen who thinks I'm their to be their maid.

Did he do anything in the house before the kids came along or between 1 and 2?

He sounds like he needs a kick up the arse!

I am a SAHM, my DP works long hours usually starts at 4am and is home by 5.30pm mon-fri and works every other Saturday, sometimes more! He still does things with our toddler!

It's not all the time but 2-3 times a week he will have a bath with DS while I tidy up. He also reads books to DS before I take him up to bed. He will do a meal plan/food shop and cooks at least 3 times a week. He doesn't do washing or cleaning, but I'm more than happy to do that as he works long hours and I'm at home!

Your DH can't just opt out of family life because he works!

I think you know that you are not being unreasonable.

The real question is, what are you going to do about it?

I am writing this only so that you can choose to show your DP. We have 3 dcs. My dh manages 120 people. He's on the go ALL day. He commutes to the next town for work. At the weekend he cooks all the meals and does the dishwasher. I do the laundry, organise our house and everyone's things for the week ahead. I take dc3 to all her activities on a Saturday starting at 9am and I finish the taxi-ing at 4:30 for dc1. On Saturdays DH takes dc2 to his activities, leaving the house at 8:30am. He is home at lunch time then does the weekly groceries in the afternoon. On Sunday he cooks a brunch and an evening meal and fits in a football match run for dc2. Mid week I cook the evening meals but he makes sure everyone eats breakfast while I shower. We take turns to read to dc3 and put her to bed each night. I always drive so he can have a beer and I collect our older teen from partiesar the weekend, so he can have a beer. It feels like a partnership. Yours sounds incredibly hard on you. Is your DH very traditional? He sounds like someone from the 1930s. Has he noticed that you work too? If you burn out he is going to have a nasty shock. You sound amazing and he has no idea how amazing. How long can you do all this for him? He's living in cloud cuckoo if he thinks this is a typical partnership.

His life sounds about the same as it was before children. Your life has had to absorb two extra dependants.
So many women are in relationships that work well when the man can be pandered to as a couple and then it falls apart when the woman needs to focus on other people.

Why can't he make dinner while you're bathing/putting them to bed? Or if you cook he does the dishes... otherwise you have a much longer day than him

He thinks you're his mum, too. I hope you're not doing his laundry

What’s the point of him?

Dump his selfish arse and let him move out and make his own dinner, do his own washing, tidying etc and take responsibility for his DCs at least a couple of days once a fortnight.

I’ve been in a shitty marriage and been a single mum. Single mum is so much easier!

I get one night a week to myself when the DCs visit their dad and even a full week off occasionally when I go on holiday with my DP and they stay with their dad for a week!

I don’t have to worry about anyone else’s needs or wants, just me and my DCs. They do more around the house than my XH ever did.

When they go to his he tells them they shouldn’t have to help out with putting a wash on or emptying the dishwasher etc so I know he’d have been no use instilling good habits in them if he were still here!

To be fair my DP isn’t much cop at helping out around the house either, but as he doesn’t live here I’ll let him off for now. He does more here than he does at his own house though!

If I ever live with him I’ll be spelling out from the start that he’s equally responsible not just for the fun bits like cooking...errr that’s the only fun bit I can think of!....but all the crappy jobs too.

Life’s too short to spend it feeling resentful at someone who’s not pulling their weight. If he won’t even talk about it, fuck him off.