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Original poster

A bit shitty, or am I overreacting?

35 replies

HardySwine · 13/11/2019 19:38

DH works from home. He's a workaholic and puts himself under enourmous pressure; he's currently working to a deadline that will hopefully result in a much-needed Christmas bonus.

We have a 2 year old springer who is high energy and both needs and loves his walks. I work four days a week and can sometimes take him with me - normally 2 or 3 days. On those days he's stimulated all day and gets some good exercise - he loves it and comes home shattered.

Today I wasn't able to take the dog to work so I took him out for a quick walk before I left at 7:45. I phoned home at about 4:00, the conversation turned to the dog and I asked if he'd had a walk. DH said he hadn't and I was annoyed, asking if he couldn't have managed just 20 minutes round the block. DH's response was that if he stopped to take the dog out there would be no Christmas.

Now, there are two parts to this: firstly, I think he should be able to stop for 20-30 minutes (I'm constantly having to remind him to take time out for his own sake and to have some family time) and secondly, is it a bit shitty to use the Christmas thing as some sort of emotional blackmail that we won't be able to afford Christmas is he stops to walk the dog?

I'd quite like some rational responses (I'm not feeling very rational at the moment) before I confront him!

OP posts:
Sahej · 13/11/2019 22:06

He is basically trying to say if he interrupts his work it will affect how much money he makes so although it feels like he should be able to stop for 20 mins sometimes it's just not possible. He shouldn't say about Christmas though but he probably just made a quick example up. You should probably give yourself time before you speak to him because I know when I'm tired I'm really irrational and say things in a way that I don't even mean. Hope you're ok

rookiemere · 13/11/2019 22:34

Who was the main driver to get the dog ?

AutumnCrow · 13/11/2019 22:35

God I hate stuff like that.

'Why have you caused a massive falling out with your family when there was no need to, and now it affects everyone else?'

'Mmmm. Oh, oh, you fed the birds wrong today.'

I find living separately helps.

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Families
lljkk · 13/11/2019 22:46

Dog is more important than 'stuff' at Christmas, anyway.

Original poster
HardySwine · 14/11/2019 06:38

@rookiemere it was equal. I was more vocal but he did most of the searching a was the one who found the breeder, made contact etc.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 14/11/2019 06:39

You know he's working towards something, dog gets plenty of exercise when with you, I agree with your husband

Curtainly · 14/11/2019 06:57

He was at work, yes he was physically at home, but he wouldn't have been able to walk the dog if he was physically at a workplace. He could have gone when he had lunch, but perhaps he wanted a break. Does he work for himself? I think plans need to be made assuming that when he is working he can't walk the dog; but if you do a morning walk he should do an evening one.

historysock · 14/11/2019 06:59

No one is that busy and important that they can't stop to take a Dog for a walk for ten minutes. Unless maybe they are a brain surgeon in actual surgery or similar. I'm assuming that isn't his job?
If needs be he can take his work phone with him and still be connected.
It sounds like an excuse to me. It's not the Dogs fault he is busy and it needs to go out during the day even if only for ten minutes.

AmIThough · 14/11/2019 07:00

Working from home doesn't mean he's at home to do whatever you want with bits of work in between.

He's busy and stressed and you know that. It's 6 weeks until Xmas - cut him some slack.

wibs77 · 14/11/2019 07:00

Tell him it has been shown that people who work 1 full hour with no distractions and then take a 15 minute break get as much done as someone who works through! Does he do any calls as part of his work?could he do these hands free whilst he walks the dog?

lorrylorryvanvan · 14/11/2019 07:05

Kind of on his side tbh OP. I often WFH and in a role that is v demanding and i have days where I genuinely couldn't spend 20mjns taking the dog for a walk. I might be booked in back to back Skype meetings all day (which believe me does actually happen!). I think you guys should talk it through honestly and on days you can't take the dog get a local dog walker to come by if dog needs walk that badly.

rookiemere · 14/11/2019 07:08

Well if you both wanted the dog and he was primarily responsible for choosing an active breed that requires a lot of walking, then he is the unreasonable one.

Dogs need walking for a length of time every day, you cannot say that because it gets a good run 4 days a week it can be under-walked on the other days - doesn't work like that. If he is too busy to do it then he needs to say that and between you organise a dog walker. Do you have DCs?

TeachesOfPeaches · 14/11/2019 07:15

The dog already had a walk in the morning. You're overreacting.

MarthasGinYard · 14/11/2019 07:18

Organise a dog walker

Spaniels enjoy more than just a 'walk around the block' IMO

Lexplorer · 14/11/2019 07:18

Why can't he walk him first thing and you do the later one

royalton · 14/11/2019 07:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BelfastNonBlonde · 14/11/2019 07:24

Get a dog walker for the days your working.
When I work from home I always have good intentions of taking our springer out for a good lunch walk.. but if often doesn’t happen because I’m actually working.
When I’m in the office I don’t take a lunch break.

A dog walker will take it out for a good hour and if it’s only two days a week or so it shouldnt cost too much.

rookiemere · 14/11/2019 07:35

I wfh once a week and am generally pretty busy. I put an appointment in my diary in advance for at least half an hour to walk the dog. I am also busy but know that the dog needs walking. I feel much better for getting some fresh air as well. Besides I doubt I'd get much work done in the afternoon if ddog hadn't been walked.

But if the H can't prioritise the high energy dog that he was 50% responsible for getting then he should arrange a dog walker.

Stompythedinosaur · 14/11/2019 07:46

The dogs walk should not be seen as optional. He should have done it, even if it meant making up the 20 mins later in the day.

Wizzbangpop · 14/11/2019 09:48

Yanbu

Have you tried " the fresh air will help your brain and make you even more productive" or something along those lines

Damntheman · 14/11/2019 10:09

Sounds to me like he has an over-inflated idea of his work's importance. He's almost certainly not being very effective if he can't even take a 20 minute break one time in the day. As a PP said, it's proven that regular short breaks make one more productive than working straight through. He can still be thinking about the job while out with the dog, in fact it might even do his brain process good to have that change of shift.

I'm with you. If you can have the dog at work then so can he. He'd almost certainly be taking 20 minute coffee breaks at the office.

Crunchymum · 14/11/2019 10:24

@HardySwine

How is dog walking usually organised on the day/s you dont take the dog?

Yokohamajojo · 14/11/2019 10:29

We have the same setup but my DH takes the dog out in the morning after school drop off and then I take him out when I get home, the dog seems to be happy sleeping most of the day. I do think if your DH worked the dog in to his routine it would benefit them both, fresh air and clear head for your DH and a nice walk for dog

slipperywhensparticus · 14/11/2019 10:31

Tell him to book a dog walker then

Original poster
HardySwine · 15/11/2019 06:11

Thanks everyone. I haven’t been intentionally ignoring this, I just had a long, shitty day yesterday. Dog usually gets a walk after school drop off on the days he’s at home. I think on this occasion because I’d already been out with him in the morning DH didn’t factor in a walk later in the day.

The bit that pissed me off the most was the Christmas comment.

OP posts: