A bit shitty, or am I overreacting?

[HardySwine]

DH works from home. He's a workaholic and puts himself under enourmous pressure; he's currently working to a deadline that will hopefully result in a much-needed Christmas bonus.

We have a 2 year old springer who is high energy and both needs and loves his walks. I work four days a week and can sometimes take him with me - normally 2 or 3 days. On those days he's stimulated all day and gets some good exercise - he loves it and comes home shattered.

Today I wasn't able to take the dog to work so I took him out for a quick walk before I left at 7:45. I phoned home at about 4:00, the conversation turned to the dog and I asked if he'd had a walk. DH said he hadn't and I was annoyed, asking if he couldn't have managed just 20 minutes round the block. DH's response was that if he stopped to take the dog out there would be no Christmas.

Now, there are two parts to this: firstly, I think he should be able to stop for 20-30 minutes (I'm constantly having to remind him to take time out for his own sake and to have some family time) and secondly, is it a bit shitty to use the Christmas thing as some sort of emotional blackmail that we won't be able to afford Christmas is he stops to walk the dog?

I'd quite like some rational responses (I'm not feeling very rational at the moment) before I confront him!

While his Christmas comment seems a bit petty, I do think that somehow people think that because someone works from home that essentially means they’re at home doing what you (the other person thinks needs doing and work is a bit of a sideline. When actually work takes priority at the times that person is at work.

If he was at work in an office you wouldn’t be able to insist that he step out of his office for an hour to walk the dog, so home is no different really.

And for the poster who said that if the OP takes the dog to work then so should he, fact is that most places don’t accommodate dogs, and the fact the OP is able to is luck rather than anything else. If she didn’t have the option to take the dog to work then a springer spaniel wouldn’t be an option for them.

The expectation that people working from home should do homely things during the workday actually diminishes their job and the importance and perception of it.

Could he start looking for another job soon? It must be horrendous if you can’t afford any kind of Xmas if he takes a 20 minute break to walk the dog.

But Alternativeperspective the DH agreed to get the dog and was actively involved in choosing a lively breed that is known to need lots of walking. Presumably discussions were held about walking of the dog and whose responsibility that is on any given day.
The DH may be busy and important- aren't we all - but OP could hardly walk the dog when she's not even there.

OP I think he mentioned Christmas because he knows he has messed up by forgetting to walk the dog, so he wants to make sure his excuse is grand sounding. I would have a conversation about how the dog is going to get walked in future when he is at home and busy. I would also point out that you work as well and getting the dog was a joint decision.

Did the dog need to have a walk by 4pm?

The thing that stood out for me is that you rang and checked up on him - surely the dog can cope with a later walk occasionally, or just having the one walk occasionally?

I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't understand why you were annoyed that the dog hadn't been walked at 4pm. If I'd been working at home (or indeed just lazing at home) and I was moaned at because I hadn't walked the dog by some arbitrary time, I probably wouldn't be very impressed tbh.

If he's at home to work then I do think it's unreasonable to expect him to walk the dog tbh. He's working.

The irritation at the Christmas comment makes me think that there might be something else behind all this. You did comment that you think he's overly focused on work OP, so it might be that but if he's working towards a bonus I don't think that this particular incident is the right one to pick as an example of being over-focused though.

Your DH is at work, whether or not his physical location is your house.

He's clearly under a lot of stress and sound like he's being a bit snappy and unreasonable, but I think maybe a frank discussion with him about it not being the end of the world if he doesn't get this bonus may be more productive than you going in all guns blazing.

Springers need plenty of exercise. Get a dog walker.

I work from home and of course I take time to look after my pets. It’s not good to work non-stop all day. A 10-minute break to take the dog for a walk would have done him good. If he was physically in an office, he would still be legally required to take a break.

A 10-minute break to take the dog for a walk would have done him good.

But a dog like a springer needs much more than 10 minutes around the block. Our beagle would rather not go out at all than be taken out for such a short period of time! You need to commit to a good hour with him otherwise it makes no difference to his energy levels.

I would imagine one of the reasons OP asked when she rang is that if the dog hadn't been walked in the day well I do wonder who it would fall to to walk him in the evening.

It's all very well saying that wfh is working, I don't deny that at all, but by not walking the dog during the day then poor thing has to get a proper run at some point and seems that will fall on OP who has already got up super early for morning walkies.

Our ddog wouldn't be overly impressed with a 10 minute walk but he'd certainly take it over nothing. I'm actually surprised that the DH was allowed to work all day with an energetic under walked spaniel in the house.

A twenty minute walk isn't long enough for a Springer. You need a dog walker.