Dinner time etiquette - BILL

[camelandsushi]

So, what is the correct thing to do when the bill comes?

Saturday night I was at a large dinner party. There was 25 of us. Most drinking, a couple weren't. About half had starters and then the other half just had mains.

The bill came and it was decided to split it equally. This is what usually happens when I have been out with a groups previously.

One person wasn't happy as she only had a main. She had had 3/4 glasses of fizz but this was ordered and paid for by the host.

It was £45 a head.

Aside from the fact she caused a huge scene. Is this ever really done? Especially with such a huge group?

I think things like this are really tricky. I’m usually happy to split the bill equally, but then as a non-drinker it does sting a little if people have had a lot of wine/alcohol and I’ve had water.

In that situation I’d be pretty annoyed to pay £45 for a main course.

In a large group it’s easier to split it than people getting out their calculators etc. I think maybe it could have been discussed before?

There shouldn't have been a huge scene, whomever was organising should have just quietly said sure, and recalculated.

But I think she's a bit necky if she had three or four glasses of bubbles as that would have brought her actual cost up, so for me, I'd happily have paid to subsidise others, if drinking booze at someone else's expense.

Plus let's face it it's a ballache to calculate 25 individual bills.

So she paid £45 but only had a main? Not fair is it

I would of made a fuss too. How rude to expect someone or others to pay for food they didn't eat.

This is so awkward because it’s not feasible to calculate 25 different bills, but that means some will always do better than others which isn’t fair.

I know the host paid but the fact she has 3/4 glasses of fizz means she probably has less right to moan.

I would always split the food between the party and the booze between whoever drank it. You could add soft drinks to the non drinkers if expensive and can be arsed.

However if you're skint sometimes you have to put your foot down.

It's so difficult really. If she'd been drinking fizz then I don't think it's that unfair for her to pay an equal share. I'd assume it would balance out.

I had the opposite a couple of months ago, out with a big group, all drinking alcohol, all just had mains, a few sides ordered that some people shared. the bill came and it was passed around for everyone to mark what they'd had and pay for it. It was just such a ballache. Given we were all drinking cocktails etc it just didn't seem, worth the hair splitting. I'll probably avoid going out for meals with them again and just stick to drinks.

When we go out in a large group, we all chip in approx what our meals & drinks cost (eg if the main was £8.50 then call it £9 cos we are lazy add-uppers). Then we see if that covers the bill plus a tip. If it doesn't cover the tip, a few people will chip in a couple of extra quid.

If there's a small group and we've broadly had the same value, we just split it.

We decide at the start. Nowadays, we almost always just split it equally as none of us drink heavily now. Usually just share bottles of wine. But years ago when some drank loads and others drank nothing, we would decide at the start and then just look at the prices of what we ordered when we ordered. Easy to hand over what you owed at the end.

A bottle of champagne usually serves 6 glasses, she had a main and half to 2/3s of a bottle...

Anyway, standard advice, you ask for a separate bill when ordering, or else you pay a share. It is easy for waiting staff to set up separate tabs, it's always a right faff to put everything on one tab then try to split it back out afterwards.

I genuinely struggle with adults that set out to make things as complex as possible and make the end of an evening difficult.

The problem is that there is no single universal 'right way' of doing it that everyone agrees to, I have been out with groups where it is divide equally regardless of what everyone has had (easiest to manage but lots of problems e.g. do kids count as a full person or half, big drinkers vs no drinkers etc), everyone throw into the middle/pays separately for what they think their meal+drinks cost and hope it all adds up (can be a nightmare if people take the mickey and/or underestimate and forget to include that extra cocktail they ordered or the tip or whatever, host usually ends up having to cover the shortfall), or everyone requests a separate tab, or pays for at least their drinks at the bar (not usually feasible with a big group unless it's an informal pay at the till place).

I think in your scenario I can see why the woman was a bit peeved, £45 for a main is steep, yes she benefited from the fizzy but she may have been on a tight budget and deliberately only ordered food so that she would only have to pay £15 or so and was shocked to be charged 3 x that if it wasn't clear it was an everyone chips in arrangement. If it was one of my friends I think (particularly if I was host), when we saw she was unhappy a few of us would have just chucked in an extra £5 each to take her bill down to £20 or so, but then again we eat out together pretty frequently and none of us are piss takers so it would probably all balance out in the end. I guess the moral of the story is if eating out as a one off the host or someone else should make it clear at the start (or even on the invite) what they are expecting the bill arrangements to be (host pays all, everything split equally, everyone pays for what they had etc etc), and people can then cut their cloth accordingly and no-one can make a fuss at the end?

I think the fairest thing to do is be clear from the start. I once ended up paying 90 euros more when it was decided to split a bill between everyone equally!

So she paid £45 but only had a main? Not fair is it

This with bells on.

Should be decided how it's going to be beforehand to avoid the "scene" but she's right in not having to pay that for a main, unless she had the most expensive steak and dessert or something.

Really needs a bit more info.

Are you saying there was no alcohol on the bill? The bill was only food cost?

How much was average price of a main course and average cost of a first course.

If there was no alcohol on the bill then surely all the group were paying for a main and half a starter? So the final per head soebd probably wasn't that different from the cost of just a main? It's really not right to be expected to subsidise someone else's course but at those prices I think I'd just shrug and accept it.

I sort of see her point but given the 3-4 glasses of fizz she no doubt consumed more than she paid for and consequently comes across as a bit petty. The right way to do it is to ask for separate bills at the start of the meal, or you split equally. Otherwise it’s an embarrassing mess at the end of the meal as it’s not feasible to work out exactly how much everyone owes individually when there are 25 of you.

I was once asked for around £40 in a similar situation where the bill was divided by number of people. I'd had a Caesar salad and a half lager so mine wouldn't have exceeded £25 inc tip. When I made them recalculate things, one person grumbled to me that his meal was now in the region of £67. He'd eaten it, not me!

I wouldn’t be happy to pay £45 for one main. I’ve been out Indian only had a tenner on me so that’s all I spent then they split it and said £23! No sorry

Normally she'd have had a point, but lost it in view of her consuming the alcohol. How rude to make a fuss when she'd been drinking at the host's expense.

I generally am happy and prefer to just split when the difference is only a few pounds or a tenner. But £45 for a main seems step, but so does £45 for a starter and main? If that includes booze that she partook of and is only an extra fiver or something for those who has starters then I'd be happy splitting it. But the figures seem a bit high for just food.

Oh, I read it that she had 3/4 of a glass, not 3 to 4 glasses. She's being a bit tight then.

Oh I see, she didn't buy her own drinks but happily consumed that bought by someone else. She's probably just a bit of a tight-arse in general (or, as it's MN I have to add the possibility she has no money and had budgeted very carefully for what she could afford and was grateful to be able to have some fizz thanks to the gracious host, but couldn't afford any herself).

Oh I thought the OP meant 3 or 4 glasses not three quarters of a glass. Reading it back, it’s not massively clear and I do think that is the crux of it- if she had 3 or 4 glasses she’s being petty/cheap, if she didn’t even have a full drink then she’s completely justified in being annoyed. Still not massively practical to calculate 25 people’s individual share at the end of the meal though- separate bills should have been requested at the start.

£45 is a lot for a starter AND a main, even, unless there was A LOT of alcohol.

Always check bills carefully, especially when there are large groups. I've known places add 15 salads we haven't had onto bills. Even when there were only three of us in one place we had desserts added that we hadn't had. I think now with automated systems it's even easier to add items to the wrong table.

The champagne paid for by the host isn't then paid for by the host if the woman has to subsidise it by over-paying for her meal!

I think the champagne is a red herring. Was the host treating everyone, or just her? Either way it was a gift and should have no bearing on the meal.

So yes I think it was unfair to expect someone to pay £45 when they've only had a main course. I'd've pointed this out too if I were her. (Disclaimer - I don't like champagne.)