Dinner time etiquette - BILL

[camelandsushi]

So, what is the correct thing to do when the bill comes?

Saturday night I was at a large dinner party. There was 25 of us. Most drinking, a couple weren't. About half had starters and then the other half just had mains.

The bill came and it was decided to split it equally. This is what usually happens when I have been out with a groups previously.

One person wasn't happy as she only had a main. She had had 3/4 glasses of fizz but this was ordered and paid for by the host.

It was £45 a head.

Aside from the fact she caused a huge scene. Is this ever really done? Especially with such a huge group?

So she paid £45 but only had a main? Not fair is it

I agree with shearwater - the kind of places we go to (nice independent pubs), I'd expect £45 to cover two main courses and starters (maybe even a soft drink or two as well), so although £45 sounds loads for just a main, it also still sounds loads to me if you add in a starter!

I'm not saying that she should have had to pay for more than she ate, as I think this should always be people's right when eating out in a group; but from what OP says, a dozen other people had the equivalent of what she had (minus the free booze, maybe) - so it isn't like she alone had fart less than every other person.

*FAR less, not fart less!!!

Although, if she had all of that fizz, her personal output may well have been much on the higher side of average

It’s such a grey area, I’ve been in the position of having no money only eating what I can afford then being told my share was £50 I felt so embarrassed and ashamed and I really struggled for he rest of the month, but now I’m a bit better off I’d be fine splitting the bill equally.

People don’t know what positions that lady was in maybe it would of been a good idea to just pay for what you had, she just ate a main because the host paid for the fizz so £45 is unreasonable.

If everyone else was drinking it would have been easy enough to deduct her cost and split the rest between the drinkers.

I think if the host was clear they were ordering and paying for champagne for the group, then she wasn't being cheeky to expect to pay just for her main (or a reasonable approximation). So it depends - did the host say at the start 'right, I'm buying x number of bottles of champagne for the table and this is my treat' or was it more 'shall we get some champagne?' and then the host feeling embarrassed into saying 'ok, how about I cover the champagne since I had some too' to this person.

TBH, at the moment I would have to cause a scene if someone invited me out and then expected me to have £45 quid spare - I just wouldn't have it. I know how much is in my current account until payday and I'd know how much I could run to.

I think she had a fair point and was right to not want to pay.

My caveat to that would be if there was only enough champagne for one glass each, and she managed to drink 3 or 4 glasses (when everyone else was paying for extra drinks). I'm that case, I'd be less impressed with her making a big deal out of it.

I think if you're in that big a group you have to assume that the bill we be split equally, otherwise it would be impossible.

If really necessary, this individual should have just said she was just putting X in to cover her meal, hope that's OK. I doubt everyone would have insisted otherwise there and then, even if they slated her afterwards

I’m a vegan who drinks very little. Subsidising posh steak/lobster and heavy drinking isn’t something I’m happy with. We just pay for what we’ve had. People are clever enough to make that work.

I once went for a meal with a new boyfriend and his friends. It turns out it was just an excuse to show off to each other how rich they were. One guy ordered a steak AFTER his dessert because he liked the look of his friends main dish better than his. They ordered several bottles of the most expensive wine and asked if I wanted in. I said no (anticipating my share!) And ordered a beer. I chose a cheap ish chicken main and nothing else (it was lunch!). Bill came and they all chucked in credit cards and wanted to split it. Thankfully I had cash so I put in £45 which was waaay more than my share but the rest of the bill split was around £145 each. Luckily they were sooo intent on showing off how rich they were they just shrugged and paid the rest evenly.

Sorry got carried away telling that!! In my relatively normal friendship group we would have a quick think to see if everyone ordered roughly the same and split if yes but if not everyone pay what they had.

But this isn't a case of some poor sod whose had a house salad and a lemonade subsiding another who has ordered the Lobster Thermidor.

The drinking puts a slightly different perspective on things and if I were the host I'd not be impressed, if I had offered to pay the drinks bill and then someone who'd filled their boots was bleating about the bill.

Furthermore, so this person had a main course. But another person may have had a main course that was £4 cheaper, or perhaps another had a starter and a main but didn't drink. It seems the only way is to speak up before anything has been consumed to avoid any ill feeling.

Did the host pay for everyone's drinks?

What was the difference between what she ate and what she had to pay?

if I had offered to pay the drinks bill and then someone who'd filled their boots was bleating about the bill

Do you attach conditions to all your gifts?

I think if you've generally had similar then I don't mind splitting however I have been caught out when out with much heavier drinkers. Some people simply can't afford to pay over the top for their meals and I think it's fair to just calculate your own and put that in the pot. Everyone else can then sort themselves out. I recently went on a hen weekend where I expected to pay as we went along however one party member paid for everything over several days and then split it 'equally'. It didn't seem equal when some had used every opportunity to eat and drink as much as they could and others were practically teetotal! ☹️ If you're with mates, they should understand.

That’s why I ALWAYS make sure everyone is on the same page when it comes to the bill.

Some people will go to these fancy restaurants ordering starters, big mains and dessert and don’t even have the money for it and don’t concider the service charge.

Personally I eat what I can afford so if I can’t afford more than a main, I’m not paying for more than a main. And to even avoid all of the agro - I would have possibly requested that my bill is separate so I can make sure I’m only paying for what I eat.

I don't understand, DisplayPurposesOnly. The host had been generous with the drinks, the "complainer" had had a good amount. And then they whinged.

If I had been them, I would have thought, "Gah," but in that situation I would have thought it inappropriate to upset the apple cart. Had it been a meal with everyone for themselves, then, yes, if you had had substantially less than anyone else, you might raise a paw and say so.

Definitely it would be best to split the food bill and the drink bills separately. But people who don't drink often dont think that way.
Paying £12 for a coke last Christmas as an example.

I think the champagne is irrelevant tbh as presumably everyone had some and didn't pay for it if the host paid?

In which case it would be fucking cheeky to expect her to pay £45 for a main course. And whoever then argued back with her was an arse.