Birthday etiquette - who should pay?

[Fedupofballs]

Got a big birthday coming up and thinking or inviting some friends/my parents for dinner at a local restaurant. Probably be about 15 of us in total. There’s a set menu which includes a glass of fizz. Which option would you expect?
1 - I pick up the full bill?
2 - I pay for the meal and people sort their own drinks (and possibly tip?)
3 - everyone pays for meals and I buy some drinks.
4 - everyone pays for themselves?

I’m thinking option 2, but what would you expect?

Clear and explicit communication at point of invitation is the only way to avoid embarrassment and grumpiness.

I would never, ever expect (and have never) had a meal like this paid for. If it was eg a do in a village hall with a buffet laid on, or at the hosts home with food provided, I wouldn't expect to pay. But in a restaurant I would always expect to pay for myself. And if anything (though less likely, and only really if it was organised by friends as a treat for the birthday girl), the guests would club together to pay for the birthday girl, or at least some drinks for them.

Right... I think I’ll pay for a few bottles of wine and the tip. I’ll also suggest to buy other wine/drinks from the bar, so that should mean everyone can have a lovely evening with no stress from splitting the bill. I’ll also make it clear at the outset what the plan is!

BeanBag, it always was that if you (general) are hosting something, you are responsible for feeding and watering your guests. That's not my rule it was always standard for hosting.

As time's gone on, hosting has morphed into anybody calling themselves 'The Host' when they've merely suggested meeting up for birthdays, etc. with no intention to actually do the hosting. It's become quite normal to pay for your own dinner at somebody's birthday - and that's fine - just be very clear because when somebody says they are hosting, the expectation is that they cover the costs.

It is exactly black and white but not at all prescriptive if you see what I mean - if you invite somebody, you're paying - so be clear if you are arranging something and expect attendees to pay for themselves. If you host then they are your guests and you will pay.

If organisers are clear that everybody is paying for themselves then that keeps everybody happy as everybody knows where they are.

I missed off this bit;

If you issue an invitation to a birthday (or any other) meal/event then you're the host and you're paying.

-v-

You suggest that x-number of people meet up at y-venue for a birthday meal/event then you've organised/co-ordinated but are not hosting, everybody pays for themselves and expects to do so.

Either is fine, just that the rules are different.

Sounds good OP :) id also suggest you arrange with the restaurant that no drink orders are to be taken at the table.

2

I'd definitely expect to pay for myself! If anything as it's your birthday people could chip in to cover your half if they are being nice !

if you “invite“ people to something doesn’t that infer that you are providing something. If you are invited to a wedding the meal is usually paid for although bar drinks are a separate issue. For a birthday if I couldn’t afford to pay for those I invited I would probably have a party at home. Maybe people could contribute a dish of something or other or bring a bottle.